I’ve had enough.

Hi Anjiedee,

Sorry to hear you are going through such a difficult time. It's good to hear you are on Gamstop and are generally determined to overcome problem gambling, i hope support from peers on the forum and also your personal friend can help you on your journey. 

Should you be in need of any further support with your recovery, please feel free to contact the helpline on 0808 8020 133 or via our live chat available from the website  https://www.gamcare.org.uk/get-support/talk-to-us-now/   both of which are open seven days a week, 24 hours a day and where one of our advisers will be able to talk, for as long as you need, and look at all the support available to you.

Take Care,

Owen

Forum Admin

Don't worry Anjiedee. You sound really fed up with it, but you have to just pick up the pieces and start again to rebuild. It's magnified because it's raw currently, but you will feel better when you let the anguish go. Everybody makes mistakes so don't be too hard on yourself. I haven't managed to stop betting despite saying I would. It's tough. 

I think the problem people have is the support networks don't change anything. It's easy to say I've decided to give up and I'm now going to fill my life with rewarding hobbies but in reality nothing changes and the temptation creeps back in.

At the moment your gutted because you lost the £2000 but it's pointless dwelling on it.

Just let it go and remember there are thousands of people who have egg on their face after trying to forge ahead with their profits. I've done it many times and know how s**t it feels. I remember winning £4000 once over the space of a month and chucking it away in 3 days! Needless to say my face had looked happier, but you just have to laugh about it and remember it's only money. It changes nothing. We still die, whether we've got £1 or £1 million and you can't take it with you.

There are billionaires out there who still obsess about amassing more and more. What is the point!! Gold grave stones aren't that expensive and they would be nicked anyway! lol.

I recommend reading my post if you are in debt currently, it may help you. I'm waiting for it to be approved and it should be live later tonight hopefully!

I'll keep in contact. GamStop is a great step.

Thank you all, I feel so so low it’s unbelievable. Yes I’m in debt I owe about ten thousand pounds plus more in gambling alone I pay everyone monthly and left with next to nothing to live on. 
I felt like it was my escape from all my problems in life. Gambling destroyed my marriage I worn down an amazing man with this addiction.

Many times I’ve thought about driving my car into a wall. Just to escape this awful horrible place I’m in. I would never do that as my beautiful little girl needs me although I am a terrible mother. 
I just don’t know what to do. 

Evening Anjiedee,

Please call us on our freephone or netline/chatline, so we can support you further.  We are available 24 hours a day,  and we can facilitate referrals for free appointments to support your recovery.

GamCare offer free treatment sessions if you would like a period of weekly 1-2-1 support for your recovery, with a specialist practitioner.  If you are going through a challenging time with your recovery from problem gambling, those sessions could provide some emotional support for you, as well as support your morale and motivation too, so you could begin to feel some more hope for the possibility of positive change.

If you are feeling depressed, you might also consider seeing your GP for their attention and support.

You have described that you sometimes have had fleeting suicidal feelings and have had no intentions to attempt suicide.   You have described these as desperate feelings of wanting to escape.  The NHS website has a page listing various sources of support for managing suicidal feelings: https://www.nhs.uk/mental-health/feelings-symptoms-behaviours/behaviours/help-for-suicidal-thoughts/

Please call us anytime.

Take care,

Adam.

Anjiedee,

Do you qualify for a debt relief order? Maybe go to Citizens Advice and see if it can be written off. If not look at ways of consolidating debt and start a manageable repayment plan. 

Don't think of yourself as a terrible Mother. It's a transitional stage. You can be a stronger, more rounded person as a result of your experiences and help others in the future, because you will have a greater compassion.

Be positive about yourself, because your daughter will pick up on negativity.

The debt's no big deal. I know it seems allot but even if you have to consolidate it into manageable repayments it won't alter your life too much. Hopefully you can get it wiped off depending on your situation.

If you stop now and move forward and start to focus on positives things it will feel better.

You can't change the past but you can alter the future. 

Go to citizens advice, get a plan of action and rebuild your life by being positive. 

Don't gamble because if you make things worse you will feel allot worse. Just accept it's happened and adapt.

Acceptance is the word you must focus on. With acceptance you can move forward positively. 

Thank you so much lifeisstrange , I’ve just started a DMP with stepchange but that is manageable. I’ve had to borrow from 2 close friends to pay off other debts I built up gambling and it leaves me with next to nothing to live on and these need to be paid as they are my bestest friends who have tried to help me.

So I just got myself sorted with a good amount to live on and now I’m back to square one only worse. It will take me 20 months to pay them both off. ??

Hi Anjiedee,

I understand your frustration. It's a horrible feeling. I remember chasing losses once with a £750 bet. I watched the race in the bookies. I was having a years break from my partner at the time and was gambling all the time. My horse was beaten in a photograph finish after a false start where my horse ran off and had to be brought back to the start. I literally had pins and needles all over my body when it lost. I walked home practically in tears and a lorry was coming down the road. For a split second I thought about walking in front of it. I wouldn't have done it but the thought came into my mind. That's how much it can mess with your head, so I completely get how you're feeling.

I know it's hard thinking you have to pay off your friends. It's tough to come up with money making schemes. I'm out of work currently and can't find any work that fit's around school runs etc. 

You don't know what's round the corner though so keep positive. It's a tough feeling to shake off because the damage is self inflicted, but if you were perfect then you would be a robot.

If I win the lottery or make it as a pop star I'll help you out but I'm not promising anything!

Anyway, here's hoping for good times.

Thank you lifeisstrange. It’s so weird how I gamble I literally binge gamble for a week or two then don’t have any urges for ages. It’s dangerous and I feel out of control and actually don’t even care what I am doing until the last penny is gone. Then it’s just that feeling which I’m sure we all do.

Its going to be tight . Really tight but I have no choice I have to get on with things. I just worry now about Xmas and how can I afford anything for my kids. All the things you don’t think about when your lost in that world.

And thank you I’ll look out for you on the TV ha ha that made me genuinely smile for the first time in a while ?

Hi Anjiedee,

I'm so saddened to read your story. The havoc and pain that an gambling addiction brings to one's life is truly indescribable. You are not alone. Also, please don't be too hard on yourself. Addiction is a brain disease. Having it will surely make you do things that are out of character and that you would deeply regret. It is very understandable. 

As someone who has been on the recovery journey for quite awhile now and who has had some success, I want you to know that the key to beating gambling is having in place effective barriers between you and gambling, so that even when you get an irresistible urge to gamble, the barriers are there to stop you from acting on your urge. Importantly, never rely on willpower alone. It will just lead to relapse after relapse.

Speaking of barriers, it seems like GameStop has been an effective barrier for you with respect to online gambling. So the real problem now lies with physical gambling locations. Have you tried self-excluding from all the gambling locations nearby? Have you tried letting someone else manage your finances for you? For example, perhaps you can ask your employer to directly send your earnings to your husband's bank account or to a trusted friend's bank account for safe keeping. The key, again, is setting up strong barriers between you and gambling. The more the better. I wish you all the best <3

I cannot agree with the above strongly enough. Setting barriers between you and the gambling is the only way and thats how I eventually beat the addiction.

Thank you all for your lovely honest replies.

I had my first over the phone assessment for counselling on Monday and my next session is the 28th September. Problem is I have spent everything I have and literally have nothing left to live on till next Friday. I have food gas and electric and diesel to get me through but what I have done to myself and what I owe out is just a joke. I also won’t have hardly anything to live on next month also and for the next 20 months as that’s what I have done to myself. And I deserve it. It’s a terrible terrible horrible feeling and I wish I could make it all go away.

I honestly don’t want to be here at the moment but I would never ever leave my little girl. She would never deserve that.

But then does she deserve a mother like me either? I have never ever been in the grips of an addiction like this before ever. I have won don’t get me wrong but I don’t walk away. I don’t even enjoy when I’m winning. That’s the mad thing maybe it’s that feeling of despair I enjoy? Who knows I just know enough is enough now. ?