Just cant seem to get out this dark terrible hole.

Hi mate, sounds a similar situation to myself, I joined the 2015 challenge thread in January and manged over 6 months, thought I had control and was diciplined for about a month winning nicely each week and withdrawing etc, couldnt have been going better and you have that feeling that you are making all this extra money and its easy, tax free etc. Then I had one bad day and and found a website that I hadnt set limits on, long story short I lost about 2 months salery in 5 days span, nothing could go right, headless betting would be an understantment, just next horse race wack a £100 down each time and more. You are like me and have stopped for 6 months and have then gone back on and off so we are in similar situations. As someone said to me this is an oppertnity to actually go again and give it all up, by all i mean everything, not even a tenner here and there. You mention the past and wish you could change, doesnt everyone! I woke up today and kept thinking this was a nightmare and that all i want is that money back. Its gone and you can only look forward, have some confidence in yourself that you stopped for 6 months and can go again. Its always about the time wasted and mental state than the actual money. Lifes way to short to waste, please try and be positive and take every day one at a time and say I wont gamble, just re read your posts and others on here to see the pain that it brings, people like me and you will always lose. I couldnt reccommend some councilling more, its helped me in the past, all about just taking that first step and doing it. Try and stay strong

Hi Lemon, thanks for replying mate.

I thought I had control too, i was like putting little in like 20 pound and then withdrawing like 60 or so and thinking yeah i need to just do that, i will be up all the time, just have wins like that and walk away and then i started winning more and before i knew it i was winning like 200 plus off 20 pound within the space of 5 minutes and thats when it started getting me, i thought i was unstoppable, my confidence sky high and on top of the world, but i kept going in expecting it and it doesnt work like that now does it. 2 months salary in 5 days mate, thats some going im sorry to hear it but thats how bad it gets you isnt it.

thanks for the advice your right i just need to look forward and just tell myself i dont need that! just reading your message has inspired me a great deal, I really do need to stop it and im relieved that im not on my own!

thanks again mate, you stay strong too

I cannot believe how similar that first paragraph is, i am exactly the same and identical win £200 off £20 and have a great run of luck and withdraw. I imagine like me in these situations you are very diciplined when in these wining situations. This for me can last for weeks, months even and I'll have made £500/£600 from risking about £100 in the beggining. Then there is that one session of losing and i sit here now and havent been able to not think about it for a few days now (last straw was Saturday) where i lost £1600, and i mean i was just pumping in £150 after £150 and next race or football match just no study and pumping it on just to try and desperately win back the money, i imagine i could have won the £1600 back and still been like ok lets make it 1700 and if I'd have gone down to say 1400 id then be on the chase again. It is mental! Its so hard for us to justify it when we think but hang on I can do this, I am shrewd and get £20 up to £200, but we have to just accept we are addicts and that 'bad day' will always always happen to people like us. The feeling and looking and trying to hide my bank statement from my misses is soul detroying but no way am i gonna let whats happened in the past get me down, just have to learn and stop again. I find it hard when i get offers flying around that seem unloseable so really need to take it away from myself by excluding. I work in the f*****g industry so I do find it tough but like i say its the years wasted when im older and nothing to show for it that makes me want to stop, money is just material and life is far more precious. Glad my ramblings have helped a little, i always appreciate anyone replying to me and its good this site.

Hi my name is julie i am 56 and i am in the throes of gambling addiction i want to stop so much i have just spoken to someone online who said to look at this forum, i feel like i am someone else looking at me right now, i know it is only a matter of time before i have ruined my life and those ilove so much i am just about to enquire in regard to counselling, i dont even know what to say on here really i feel so lost

Yes during these little "win streaks" i am very disciplined like i know what i am doing (haha!) , i can withdraw money, i think differently compared to when im chasing the money, i feel good when i withdraw a bit of money it might not be much but its something more than i had, thats how i think, but then when im chasing its like i lose all of that mind frame and i dont care about the value of money,like i dont know the value of money and i get greedy and dont want a little win i want more, i throw it in them machines note after note like its nothing.

For me, about june time - i started just having little 20 pound spins and winning little back, getting addicted to it all slowly, but i couldnt see that, then id have a biggish win and think wow this is easy, slowly driving back into the addictive stage, but still cant see it. then boom i start losing bear in mind that i was going on holiday at the end of july, so in my head i need to win money for spending money. So i keep betting and losing and losing and im thinking i wont have any money here to go away, i cant even go away and start feeling sorry for myself, then all of a sudden i win like 500 pounds from 20 pound then next weekend i win another 400 pound off 20 pounds, all in all i took a decent amount of spending money and gambled and partied lavishly the day before i went on holiday too, it was an exciting time, but very stupid!

the day i got back from holiday i went the bookies and lost about 60 pound, but because of them wins I had before holiday its in my head that i can be like that again, i know deep down it doesnt work like this, im a fool its just luck! just need to snap put of it, im going away this weekend again too and ive spent around 500 since saturday trying to win holiday money when i HAD enough to begin with, why did i think i needed more? madness.... but yeah i will have enough to take as long as i stay out of there all of this week, i even rang up coral at the weekend and explained to them i want self excluding from every shop, they have given me an address where i can post my pictures to them and give my name and they can do it from there so hopefully by the time im back from holiday i wont even attempt to go in a coral and im already barred from all of the williamhills. the only way is up.

When i was with my ex i gave her my bank card to save so i didnt spend any money but every friday morning at about half 12 i would set my alarm, grab my card from her bag while she was sleeping and drive to the casino, i did this for weeks and id gamble my weekly wage id be in there untill about 4 in the morning sure i would win but i wouldnt walk, its so pathetic! id drive home feeling like just driving into a wall, thinking of excuses and also not wanting to go to work, it really was horrible, please mate dont get into that similar situation with your missus, just thnk about what gambling can do to ur relationships, it really does tear through everything. Ive been there and ive lost, take it from me

Hi Julie, we are all in the same boat here, we all have very similar stories and confessions, the main thing is to know that we are all gamblers and we are all ashamed of it. do not be afraid to post on this forum read some of the other stories to get inspiration, you havent ruined your life and you can prevent that, dont feel so low on yourself, seek medical help and get your life sorted, only you can do it, just like me only i can sort my life out, best of luck and stay strong

I'm the same m8 28 total Moron past 9 years every penny boom gone in 60 seconds I could win thousands then be waiting in the morning to put it all back in iv now for alopetia with the stress I get headaches through worry and bad mood swings wish I could rewind and never set foot iv only just started enquiring about help can't remember the last time I took a proper wage home . I work my a**e off aswell for nothing