Learn from a moron.

Hi canterbury100, 

Thanks for sharing and highlighting some of the pitfalls of gambling .

Please get in touch on the helpline or netline if you are struggling with things and need some support .

Take care and keep putting things in place and sharing things so that you can overcome this .

Forum Admin

Don't be too hard on yourself. We've all messed it up despite our best intentions.

These machines are all rigged anyway. They are specifically designed to take money from the unwary (and indeed from the wary) and no doubt the designers and software developers are all tightly stitched into NonDisclosure Agreements within their job contracts to prevent the true story of what goes on from ever getting out.

One of the most important reasons for me scaling back my enthusiasm this year has been my own intolerance to the continual disappointment. I want to insulate myself from that as far as possible and if that means avoiding all the games and gimmicks, so be it. It's all smoke and mirrors.

Online sites refer to it as luck. Well all I can say is that if my ordinary everyday luck was that bad, I should really stay in bed all day. Fortunately my day-to-day luck is much better than any online site is wishing to dispense. Because they do dispense it, they decide if you're lucky or not, that's how it is. And they hide behind the notion of randomness to justify the bad/low/non-existent payouts.

So be kind to yourself. Look for the ordinary everyday good in things, because that is definitely there, non-stop all the time, in a thousand different tiny ways each day. And as you spot them, you will find there are even more to notice. And if you keep on doing it, one day you will have money in your pocket and you'll walk right past the bookies without even noticing their existence.

I wish you all things good. You are a lot younger than me, there's loads of time ahead to find a better version of everything.

Thanks for that. Yes I do believe that most fruit machines especially any in Wetherspoons are rigged. As for the fobts, I know full well they are designed to take every penny from you but I'm in a bad place at the moment and when I feel this low I guess I like to punish myself? Am I a moron? Am I just sick? Am I looking for excuses? Am I a victim? One thing I can't do is learn from my mistakes. Why is my brain so programmed to gamble? Probably because I have no life. And when depression comes calling as it does 4 or 5 times a year, when I get that feeling that I really wish I wasn't here anymore, you can always guarantee that my old friend gambling will be there to comfort me. I should self-exclude from this site because I don't want my whining to deter other people. Many stop gambling but in 13 years, I haven't managed it and I've tried everything.

At the moment I'm eating a lot of salted peanuts lol. Death by salt.

Stuart

Posted by: canterbury100

Well I have been trying to help myself by signing up to Gamban and self-excluding from ***** but I still continue gambling. I even emailed c****s asking for a self-exclusion form which they said I had to get from the shop. I wasn't ready for that, instead in I went and proceeded to put £300 into the fobts. I'm not exaggerating when I tell you it was gone in 10 mins. Of course at 43, I'm not surprised. When I was younger, I'd have thee most terrible, dreadful sinking feeling when that last note went in. Now I'm just numb to it, not even bothered, but then again I had saved a few quid for the first time in my life and I always knew eventually the bookies would get it. For any young gambler out there who think you can win on the Fobts, heed my warning. The thing is, knowing myself, even if I had self-excluded from that place, I would have got on the bus and done it in another town. The only good thing is I'm single with no kids. I'm only s******g my life up.

Stuart

hi you say you have spent £300 on FOBTs 

correct me if i have missed something but i was led to believe that the stakes were limited on these now ? 

i have not played an FOBT in around 8 years and i remember them being baldy rigged then but im sure the government put a stop to that this year and introduced a maximum stake limit ? 

i too have had a relapse this weekend online betting what a waste of time and energy it has been 

tomorrow is day one back to square one for me that is all we can do at this stage 

good luck 

The game I was playing was £2 a spin. 10 mins later if that it was gone. Stupid but I'm a degenerate so it probably did me a favour. Yes you can still lose a lot of money quickly on those machines.

Stuart

Hi Stuart, in post #4 you are asking some good questions. Why is your brain programmed to gamble? Are you sick? Are you looking for excuses? Do you like to punish yourself? Questions i used to ponder all the time when i was in the thick fog of gambling where it is hard to see beyond the next 10 minutes at times. I found some good videos on you tube speaking about how our brains may be faulty to make gambling seem very appealing or how risk and reward ventures can be highly addictive. Whether you choose to believe them or not i found them quite enlightening. You also sound like some counselling might be a good road to go down, do you like to punish yourself you ask? To be considering such things may be an avenue to explore with some professional counselling. I have not been down the GA route but some on here say it is very good for them, that could also be something to look into. I think from your questions you might be realising there is something deeper at work here. Blocks like self exclusion or limiting access to money is good for starters but as you know we gamblers are a devious, slippery bunch who can find access to money and convince ourselves into a "small" gamble at any time. Blocks are kind of like a filling or crown for a bad tooth at a dentists, what you may need is the root canal work of counselling or GA and some brutal self assessment. Either way i wouldn't push anything onto you but there are some great videos and help available out there. If you are determined to quit then never stop asking for help from your GP for depression or anxiety or to refer you for counselling. As far as i am concerned you have an illness, that may be up for debate at a later time but the place to go when you are ill is your GP. Make an appointment, tell them what is going on in your head, what is the worst that can happen? That you get a sympathetic ear and some professional help.

Thanks for your kind post.

I will definitely check out those videos. I think the way forward is to buy as many self-help books on addiction and gambling and seek as much help as possible. My life goal now is simply to live until my life ends naturally. I have so much suicidal ideation that taking the easy way out is all I want to do most of the time. But life is the ultimate challenge and it's a blessing. I've been down the shrink/counsellor/cbt route already.  I know where my depression comes from. As for gambling, I've always been obsessed with games. Whether it was playing cards for hours on end with my dad or playing computer games, it's almost an obsession. My brain is wired to love those things. I may be looking for an excuse but there's two things my dad and I had in common. We were both compulsive gamblers and both of us had head injuries. I've read that these injuries can cause addictions. I find it very hard to cope with stress. I'm also very sensitive and because of that, I've pushed everyone away so I don't keep getting hurt. I definitely have a self-destructive side to my personality. I first attempted suicide at the age of 13. 

Today I won't gamble and I feel good about that. I have a gambling book coming in the post and I'm ordering a best seller about addiction. One day at a time.

Stuart

Nice one Stuart, I sense you are well down the road yourself, a lot of your thoughts seem similar to mine. I hope you found some good informative videos. Yes as you say i have heard head injuries can result in all sorts of personality or behavioural changes. I hope you keep going mate I really do, I know what you mean about living your days out but I am sure you are also aware that life often throws a surprise or change in. I hope something good comes your way and leads to something nice, you never know, something good could come along anytime and lets you smile more.

One day at a time, read those books, continue that study into brain wiring and addiction and you never know man. Keep at it bud.

Thanks. Yes it's true, no one can predict the future and I generally have a positive outlook. Right now getting back to work seems impossible but one day at a time and maybe i'll get there? 

All the best.

Stuart

Hi Stuart and Welcome to the forum.

Ive read what you have said and you are at a very dangerous stage where you are numb to it and resigned that you will lose before you have even started.

The trith is that you do care and you are not a moron. Thats the thing with a gambling addiction. It affects normal bright and clever people in all walks of life.

Yes you would have travelled on the bus to another town which is why you need to get ready for real blocks.

The addiction wont let you go easily and you are at a known stage where self excluding just seems like too much trouble. The embarrassment and picking up the forms seem like a mountain of inconvenience when again the truth is that your addiction doesnt like that thought and is controlling your mind. The crazy ill truth is that we were more comfortable in the misery of seeking highs and lows...Its an illness and its a drug fix

You need a born again moment when it all seems right. Walk in with pride and exclude. Tell your family and get someone close to hold your money.

Write down your losses...try and explain a gambling session. You know you dont need it in your life...never mind ruin...its killing you

We were never numb to it...that is the bodies shut down mechanism when faced with harm and pain...it tries to shut it out even though its your own mind controlling you

You need to start learning about this as a drug addiction and the power of the mind to get its own way even if its destroying your body and life. Ask a class A or alcohol addict...its the same process.

You need a long hard look at yourself...its linked with depression stress and therefore feeling totally jaded with life. 

You will recover with help and support...when you cant gamble and start to feel a sense of relief, thats a good start

Best wishes from everyone on the forum

I'm with you mate. I'm in my mid/late 30s so a bit younger, but I'm in shitloads of debt live with parents (moved back after 11 years away) and have basically no interest in anything. I had depression before the gambling - ~I sometimes feel a bit of an intruder on these forums when sharing in that respect - but the gambling definitely made things worse. 'Opening up' (with gambling and depression) also made things worse.

I also gambled away a small payday loan recently after a 'few' drinks. Nice start to payday.

When I came back from work, my younger brother and his fiance and kid came round for a bit. My parents and them were all laughing and having a good time while I stayed in my room upstairs in the dark. He recently revamped his house and added a lot of value to it, it's going great. At least my parents have that, if it was just me the utter loser they had it would be bad. 

Thanks for your messages. Well I did go in and self excluded from the bookies in my city. I don't give a d**n what these guys think about me, plus in my experience, the staff have been excellent. They know what problem gambling is like as they see if every day, staff included. The gambling industry thrives on us sick gamblers. I don't mean to sound defensive as I know you are sincerely attempting to inspire me but 13 years ago I realised gambling was making me miserable. I took a long hard look at myself then and went to a GA meeting. Since then it's been relapse after relapse, quit my job, self-destruct, end up homeless, deep om debt and when I was sleeping rough I just stopped caring about anything anymore which was quite liberating. Although I'm not gambling and seeking help, I'm pretty broken right now. The good news is I can't gamble where I live and I have gamban, I haven't tried to bet online and I don't own a smartphone so I have no temptations there. I've ordered a book about addiction and how it affects the brain and I'm about to start reading a self help book called 'Overcoming gambling addicition'. I was angry and P****d off with myself after spending that money on the fobts. I'm not ready to dismiss the idea that I'm an idiot quite yet.

Stuart