Need to get this off my chest

Hello, so I joined this forum nearly a year ago last February and things have got no better for me, I managed to stay gamble free for a few months but recently things have got really bad. I lost £300 2 weeks before Christmas and £500 only last week, both times on the slots. I have vowed never to do the slots again but to get my gambling fix I have been doing sports betting which I do enjoy but it's become a problem now as I've lost £300 in the last 2 days, I realised I had a problem earlier when I had a £140 bet on a basketball match to win £210 and the team I had the bet on lost, I sat on the kitchen floor just crying for 15 minutes couldn't believe what I'd done, the despair I felt was just a horrible feeling, if only i'd cashed out at £155, if only I'd not cancelled the withdrawal of nearly £200 earlier, all these if only running through my head, I'd just lost £50 and was stupidly trying to recoup that back on what looked like a dead cert, I put risky amounts on tennis matches the other night which paid off, I feel so trapped by this. I get a buzz out of getting wins, especially when I get a correct football score. It's like a drug I want more and more of. I'm still dealing with my grandmother dying back in September that really hit me hard and I've had a few gambling relapses since, fallen out with my mum about it a few times and it's really affected my finances, so now I'm starting from day 1 (again) because I seriously need to stop this I've given up smoking recently too which doesn't help, this has helped getting it out thanks for reading if you got this far