New Year's Day challenge!!!

Checking in everyone - still focused for the end of the year. Thanks everyone for keeping this going. Always good to get a minute come on here and see people been posting. We can do this! Reclaim our lives back from the monster.

So another few days tick by and the gf totaliser moves on however I can't help but feel anxious and a little stressed today. Like so many others out there tomorrow is payday and I know along with it comes temptation. Payday was always bookies and pub day. I'd lift some money in the morning on the way to work then for most of the day my mind would be on the roulette. The cravings sweeping over me throughout the day as I thought about getting in there and "winning" on them. Telling my missus traffic was bad or I was leaving later to then appearing home in a bad mood and sitting down licking my wounds and counting my losses trying to figure out how I was going to make my remaining money stretch. More often than not it was a return visit to the bookies to recoup my losses which led to more. An all to familiar cycle for some on here. My mind is already going through the gamblers "logic" of just have one last go,use a small stake and build it,I could get out this mess etc However I know what a state I was in before with lying and hiding things and just generally being someone I didn't want to be. I've came to far to slip up at the first challenge in the road ahead. I can't win because I can't stop!!! I wish everyone well especially the payday squad tomorrow. One day at a time 🙂

Hi,

The above post is something i could completely relate to in relation to pay day.

A few days before i payday I would think "right I wont gamble for a bit to let the dust settle from the previous blow outs".

I would work everything out on the money app and then think "hmmm - £50 wouldnt hurt"

We all know the rest. The app would be updated. Lies to family surrounding non existent bills or extra direct debits that need to be paid.

Then thinking I had got away with it only to do it all again the next month.

How foolish was I?

Eventually it all catches up.

Best wishes

Thanks Balvaird. I know that you can sympathise with the fobt problem but I only have to look around and take inspiration from many people in here including yourself 🙂 to be honest with you I think if I went back there it would finishe me off and I don't say that lightly. I've chucked it loads of times only to go lurking back but this time I have all the barriers in place and although I'm still in a hole financially I'm beginning to reap the rewards of spending some time with the family. Had a great day in the park yesterday watching my young son was an absolute joy whereas before I'd be thinking right drop the missus and kids off and pop out! The consequences of going back to that place are not even worth contemplating. I want to remain gf and most of all be someone my son will look upto when he gets older. If that can't inspire what will. Have a good day folks 🙂

New beginning wrote:

I want to remain gf and most of all be someone my son will look upto when he gets older. If that can't inspire what will. Have a good day folks 🙂

I can very much relate to this, a fantastic reason to staying gamble free!

That's a positive post new beginnings - keep that in mind this week and you'll be fine. You're doing great.

Thanks guys,hope your all doing well. P.s. Sam using my own quote was very sneaky lol brilliant! Has gave me a boost 🙂

Tough day already,the urges are strong today feeling anxious. As I type this my heart is beating faster and my head is a blur with a million thoughts. Wages are in the bank but I've made the positive step of getting up early and paying a whole heap of bills. Going to try and keep busy today can't afford to slip up. I cannot win because I cannot stop!

Tough tough day! Was extremely close to gambling today 🙁 heads been all over the place. I found myself on gambling websites today and noticed I had excluded from them all bar one. The next thing I know I had deposited £20 but I had a bolt out the blue or a rocket up my b*m,I took a step back and as I did I looked at a pic of my one year old son and I felt the tears run down my cheek. I withdrew my £20 pound and excluded myself. I'm still a bit anxious,confused and remorseful. I don't want to be that guy. I deserve better and god knows my family does! I came so close today but somehow didn't. I know what triggered it and I'll try and look on the positive that I didn't and I identified a trigger. I empathise with every person on here,this is one tough battle but I'll continue to fight. I cannot win because I cannot stop!

Checking in still gamble free. well done for stopping and withdrawing new beginning,

New beginnings - to have that moment of clarity when faced with that predicament is a positive step - well done for making the right choice.

Yeah I know it was the right thing but still doesn't really sit right. Racked with guilt for even looking at theses sites. Cheers guys today's a new day 🙂

Mate feeling guilty will help no one. You didn't gamble so it's a positive. You know it's wrong to be looking at those websites in the first place so that's a positive.

Forgive me if I've asked before but have you been to GA or counselling yet? God only knows where Id be without GA. It just really seemed to click with me. The help and support you would get by simply going and telling the whole truth is second to none (in my opinion).

If you feel the urges again today just log on here to remind yourself of the chaos it will cause not only to yourself but your loved ones. Ring a friend, counsellor, family member, anybody to ensure you don't have that bet!

All the best

Thanks for your kind words Sam. I've been to counselling but only had a couple of sessions and never been back,maybe it's time to give it a go. I'm still of work on the sick and laid up in plaster so that accounts for my boredom but my missus is off today and my son isn't at nursery so I'll be busy. I don't want to go back to the secrecy the deceit and the lies. I've got a pile of debt to remind me how stupid I was! Just woke up in a bit of a funk but I'm sure it'll pass. Thanks for your support guys it really does mean a lot!

They are 4 little words but have a massive effect. "I had a relapse" the details aren't important suffice to say I left a door open and I walked right through. I've now started my own recovery diary called "And breathe" and have spoken more on there. As you can imagine I'm not feeling to good about things and I'm sorry for letting you guys down but hey what's more lies when you do what we do/did. I have put all the available blocks in place and arranged counselling for next week and hopefully this can now be the start of my life/recovery. Thanks again for the support and sorry x