no one cares anymore

Thanku all so so much for your posts. U have no idea wot it means to have people that understand.

ODAAT iv just sat and sobbed at your post. It just hit home that it's exactly my cycle. I do think I test him to the limit but it's madness when I know how he will react.

I have considered counselling but to be totally honest I really couldn't do it. I have anxiety now and the thought of talking out loud terrifies me. It's different on here when I can write it all down and I thank u all for putting up with me.

I also have two jobs and a young family so unless they did it overnight I just couldn't fit it in!

I'm feeling much stronger today. I told him last night I couldn't care less who he tells anymore and to do his worst. After the week iv had, I genuinely don't think I could ever feel any worse and so I meant it. I told him to put the house on the market and that we will split for good. It's funny how much effort he has made today realising he no longer holds all the cards.

Sonic Boom that's a brilliant achievement from you and I will take Ur advice in concentrating on me.

K9 has been installed on the laptop (embarrassingly by my young son!) but its done.

I'm really gonna do this for good this time. Thanku all so so much for the support x

Awww, don't cry! The very definition of madness is us CG's to a T so don't be surprised you feel this way!

You have taken some really positive steps today & I imagine you must be feeling exhausted!

Be proud of you & keep fighting - ODAAT

ODAAT it's like u know me personally it's so scary. Lol.

Im laying on the sofa with my duvet feeling so exhausted it's like someone's pinched my blood. Lol.

Tomorrow's another day and I haven't gambled. Bring it on!!

Thanku so much again for Ur support. It means aLot x

Just checking up on you...You still asleep 😉

Haha. I wish I was. I could sleep for a week!

I'm still feeling determined but I did slip today and deposited via my mobile phone bill onto a site that would probably never even let me withdraw if I won!

I'm disappointed but I'm not going to dwell on it. I didn't go on to put on more and I didn't even enjoy it. I'm going to get my son to put k9 on my phone tomorrow if it works.

I know I'm feeling stronger iv stuck up for myself twice in two days and I think people are realising I'm not being a push over anymore.

Im feeling hopeful and determined x

Hopeful & determined are great words 🙂

Boo to the blip but well done for not depositing more & for getting straight back up & dusting yourself off! Concentrate on breaking the triangle & abstainance will come much easier - ODAAT

Reading this and thinking to myself that your partner is an evil b*****d and that you need well rid of him, I know it's easier said than done but what you need just now is positivity. Well done on giving up again btw.

As for telling everyone, tell them first and burst his big bubble before he does, if you were addicted to alcohol or cigarettes would they really look at you that much differently. I've told my boss and she was amazing, offered me extra hours when I need them and has been there for me.

Then honey, make a financial plan and stick to it. I've made mine and boy does it feel good. Also every time I'm tempted I put a tenner in my savings account or my piggy bank (not even close to what I gambled but realistic amount for me just now) and I already have enough to pay my son back the money I borrowed from him.

I have realised since quitting gambling just how unhappy it was making me. I was lying, cheating and blaming other people for my problems. Now I feel like a great weight has been lifted and I'm ready to take the next step

Good luck and we are all here for you, no more suicidal thoughts please xxx

Thanku again ODAAT and thankyou Pooky, I really chuckled at your post but u r so right in what u say. He is all of them things and more.

I'm no longer in such a dark place and when I'm feeling strong I can see him for the bully he is.

My head says to leave and head for the nearest refuge but my heart for some sadistic reason is still with him.

I won't let it excuse my gambling anymore tho and I'm in a position now where there's no excuses and noone to blame but me.

Well done u btw, u sound so positive and I'm pleased u r working things out. We aren't bad people really, infact I think we r probably the nicest people u cud meet OutSide of the gambling.

Please keep in touch. It means aLot to be able to support each other and I promise no more suicidal posts!! X

Just thought I'd check in and say hi. Iv been doing my best to behave with the gambling. Iv had a few blips but luckily I haven't caused mass destruction and I'm feeling much stronger.

The biggy is iv registered with a council and am applying for houses to leave him. New name new start and I meant it. Unless I get out I won't have a chance of recovering. Everything changes now. Hope everyone is doing ok x

how things can change in a small space of time. i have secured a beautiful new home for me and my children. im getting proffessional help with my gambling and its causes and our new life begins now. thankyou so so much everyone for your messages of support at what was most definately the worst time of my life. i wish everyone all the best and a gamble free future x

So pleased you have left your partner and now have a new home with your children. That's great news. I felt so sad reading your earlier posts, no-one should be made to feel suicidal by their so-called loved ones. I really wish you all the best in your new home and make sure you stay gamble free 🙂

Lovely to hear this new start 🙂

I know you still have a fight on your hands but with a new home to keep you busy & no negativity dragging you down, the future is yours for the taking - ODAAT

thankyou so so much everyone it truly means alot. it really is thanks to you lot that i found the strength to do this. ODAAT you said some things that really hit home about the way he bullied and controlled me and bowwow just to e told that despite my gambling i really didnt deserve to be treated so badly. things are getting pretty nasty because he no longer has control and absolutely everyone now knows my problem, but its backfired on him and i have lots of support x

I think the phrase could be whats goes around comes around

another good one - good things come to those who wait

I'm still gamble free!! I'm actually feeling excited about my future being happy with my kids. The burden has been lifted from my shoulders and the amazing thing is I don't even WANT to gamble. Wow. Iv got the blocks in place incase I stumble but I'd like to give people hope. Addressing the reasons we gamble is definitely the way forward. Chasing money is an excuse and not a real reason. Iv learnt that the hard way x