Off the wagon (again)

DAY 6

The feelings of guilt are slowly starting to subside. I've been getting stuck into work to keep my mind occupied but in fairness to myself I have had no inclination to play roulette. I watched a fictional TV programme based on someone with gambling issues and saw a lot of traits that I possessed. The desperation of his situation as he continually lost all his money and the resulting panic/frustration at doing it was something that I have regularly experienced. I've dwelt long enough on feeling sorry for myself and although I have plenty of ups and downs I am concentrating on the positives to try to rebuild my life. If I can nail this now then the money I have list will be a drop in the ocean compared to what I will save over the long term. I am using this as a motivator. I have a tattoo that says it's not who you were its who are.

Huskydawg wrote:

DAY 6

The feelings of guilt are slowly starting to subside. I've been getting stuck into work to keep my mind occupied but in fairness to myself I have had no inclination to play roulette. I watched a fictional TV programme based on someone with gambling issues and saw a lot of traits that I possessed. The desperation of his situation as he continually lost all his money and the resulting panic/frustration at doing it was something that I have regularly experienced. I've dwelt long enough on feeling sorry for myself and although I have plenty of ups and downs I am concentrating on the positives to try to rebuild my life. If I can nail this now then the money I have list will be a drop in the ocean compared to what I will save over the long term. I am using this as a motivator. I have a tattoo that says it's not who you were its who are.

well done mate, keep going.

Day 7

This time last week I had completely fallen off the wagon and gambled £1000 in under an hour on roulette. Thankfully this Sunday I have more positive experiences. Haven't had any urges to play roulette. Not even one. In fact my resolve has been hardened to beat the machines for good. I don't want to run the gauntlet of emotions anymore.

Day 8

The majority of my days are a lot brighter now, although I still have the odd downer. I realise now how big a grip roulette had on me and how much my day to day life and moods were controlled by it. Happiness for me was spinning a win, in fact it gave me a rush of euphoria, however the rush was only a short one. I needed it again so I had to spin again. That's why I continually lost, because I couldn't stop playing. It's a mugs game.

Thanks David. It's frightening the carnage that roulette both FOBT and online can cause to people's lives. For me it was a slippery slope from the moment I started playing. Big wins on roulette are a curse and have the opposite effect of costing the gambler a lot of money over time. I even noticed myself behaving irrationally when I was playing them. Small things like not being able to watch the screen during the spin and walking away. It sounds stupid but it's crazy how it affects your whole mental state!

Day 10

I've reached my first mini milestone and I'm a quarter of the way through my first target. I've given myself a bit of breathing space and the 10 days have given me a bit of clarity to realise there is more to life than being a slave to gambling. Playing roulette was a daily expensive habit for me. I had plenty of wins but towards the end winning wasn't enough. I had to play until I had lost the lot and more.!there was a compulsion in me to keep going even though I knew what it was doing to me physically and mentally. Stopping this time feels different for some reason. Before I stopped but knew I'd be back again because I wanted to play again. This time my thoughts and feelings are that I'm stopping because I want to stop. Maybe the penny has dropped. Time will tell.

Well done husky - whenever I see the picture you use, it looks like a roulette wheel to me.. just proves how much the game remains at the front of my mind. we have very similar stories and I too am on day 10.. are you getting any other support? I am going to my 1st ever GA tonight?

sbisstopping wrote:

Well done husky - whenever I see the picture you use, it looks like a roulette wheel to me.. just proves how much the game remains at the front of my mind. we have very similar stories and I too am on day 10.. are you getting any other support? I am going to my 1st ever GA tonight?

Hi sbis,

My pic shows a roulette wheel in a downward spiral to show what it does to my life! Well done on reaching 10 days. If like me you were doing roulette daily that is a great achievement. I'm getting good support from my family so haven't tried the GA route yet but would consider it as ah additional support option. Keep me updated on your progress. Knowing that others are in the same battle is comforting and also helps me keep focused. Posting thoughts for me is the only way to maintain abstinence. Look back but don't stare. Remember but don't dwell.

Day 12

Each day I am feeling better about things. In the past I would've succumbed to temptation by now and fallen by the wayside. This time I have a stronger resolve and at present don't want to be a slave to roulette anymore. Mentally and physically I feel a lot stronger. I don't get the butterflies anymore thinking about playing the FOBT's nor do I want to play online and run the gauntlet emotionally. The only time I am actually thinking about them now is when I post my thoughts on here. I know that temptation can never be discarded but as it stands I am in control of my destiny.

Hi Husky, no post for a while. How's things.

Back off the wagon tonight. Feel disgusted with myself again. £500 lost in a few hours playing roulette. Initially £300 down then chased it with another £200. Feel a total idiot. Thought this time would be different. Why???? Back to the drawing board again. I need to install some blocking software to make playing impossible. I watched a bloke in the bookies playing an FOBT yesterday and he clearly was at the end of his tether. Each spin was physically killing him and he could watch each £100 spin. I thought to myself God help him yet tonight I have done the exact same. It's one step forward two steps back. I lost that £500 and I was an emotional wreck after it. I looked like death warmed up. Why the hell do I continue to do this. Surely I must learn sometime! I work long hours for money and lose it in minutes. Yet I still do it despite continually losing. Back to day 1 again. Same old excuses same old results.