Overcame My First Urge Since Giving Up.

Hello guys.

Just wanted to post here on what happened to me this evening.

I'm currently 134 days gamble free. For anyone who has read any of my previous posts then you will know that i have mentioned that my life has improved so much in terms of mental state and financial. I have good strong blocks in place and have never had any urges to gamble until today.

These last few days me and my fiancee have began the process of house viewing for our first home (mortgage). Something she is now very comfortable with doing now my addiction has been very much under control. We never thought about getting a mortgage because i gambled and she was scared to make a big step with my problems, rightly so. Its amazing how kicking gambling out my life for nearly 5 months has changed things already. Anyway im getting side tracked.

So like i said we have been talking about money and how much bills would be and things we'd have to purchase. The usual stuff when moving into a house. So when i was at work today a started to day dream about putting on the euro hotpicks lottery so i could try and win a few thousand to clear of my debt and set us up nicely for our new house. This thought remained with me all day.

Now in the past i would of just done it. This time things are different. Even though i never saw the lottery as a problem in terms of gambling. It was always the roulette and sports betting what made me put a stop to it. But I still searched deep inside and used my willpower to remove this "unrealistic thought" out of my mind so I could remain gamble free. Yes i would of classed that £1.50 lotto ticket as relapsing. The thought of going back to day 1 would actually make me upset. Even if i won. I've worked to hard to get where i am and today was a big step.

Just to make sure i was safe, i rang my fiancee 15 mins before the deadline of placing the lotto and explained whats happened and she gave me her good advice and thanked me for letting her know. She reassured me that we will be fine if we get a new home regardless of my debt. She said its good that you want to better our future but you are already doing that by not gambling. They were just the words i needed to hear not only for tonight but for the rest of my days.

I'm so thankfull that my clock will tick to 135 days gamble free at midnight, not 0.

The lessons i've learned today is not to let your guard down. I never thought i'd gamble again and all of a sudden a thought crept up. The second thing is to create a block for the lottery. You cannot self exclude from places what sell the lottery otherwise i couldnt go shopping haha So the block i have set in place is a phonecall to the fiancee and the thought that the lottery is the biggest waste of money going.

Thank you for reading.
Wish everyone the best of luck in their recovery.

Embracing.