Hi all,
New here but not new to gambling unfortunately. Last year I finally quit and began saving for a house with my girlfriend. I had 1600 saved and then in the last few days I started gambling again and lost 1300 of it.
I can't tell her as it will end the relationship because it took so much for her to trust me to stop last year.
I just feel awful, a few days ago I was sitting happy with life and myself and now look where I am. I just cannot even put into words how I feel right now. The whole thing is a bit of a blur to be honest and I think it is somewhat comparable to when murderers say they can't really recall things as it just sort of happened in a blur and that's what I feel like.
My girlfriend is coming round later tonight and will undoubtedly ask to check my bank and see that its almost all gone. Months of hard work just gone.
It's funny because I know I can stop again now plus I've just acquired gamstop which will add extra security for me but I know I can do it again. It's the fact that I've lost 1300 and I can't get that back. If I had it now I could carry on without any worries and not gamble.
Smoggy, well done for stopping at the £1300 mark. For whatever reason you stopped there and it might be worth remembering that you do have a switch, a point at which you chose to stop.
Of course it isn't great that you gambled but you did, it's done. The money has gone. It could be the best £1,300 you have ever spent, if you want it to be.
Yes that's true and thank you for making me look at it from the perspective that it could be the best money I've ever spent, I like that a lot.
What's hurting me the most is the money lost as I know I cluod lose my partner if she finds out.
I was hoping to save around 5000 by the end of the year which was my original goal and it is still achievable but she will want to see where I'm up to from time to time and if she does in the next few months then that will be it.
we each have to make our own choices but I would never advocate, given my experience, going it alone and I certainly don't agree with not telling people you love. The sums aren't the most important thing here, it is the behaviour, it is discovering the life you have built with someone you love could all be a lie, that is what you hear loud and clear from the 'partners of an addict'.
The gambling chimp on your shoulder is shining through when you talk about her 'finding out' - I have spent years and years saying the same or similar yet what we are actually doing is trying to present an image of ourselves to the ones that we 'love' and that we profess that we would do anything for.
I try not to harbour regrets now but the one I do is not taking proper action sooner. If my history was 5 year addict and not 20 year addict, I'd own a house now, probably outright yet instead we are renting.
try and learn about addiction - it's a powerful addicition and it is very very progressive.
Thank you compulsive.
And yes, I agree on not doing it alone etc. and she is aware of my addiction but obviously this relapse is the thing that she usbt aware of and I just know how she will react. Her thought will be the money and the lie and she will never forgive me for it.
So while I agree, I find myself in an almost impossible situation.
I have been clean for around 8 months I think until recently and that's what is the hard thing because whilst I understand relapses happen, my relapse has lost me almost every penny I had and that is unbearable. I have since excluded from that site and signed up to gamblock and gamban to stop it happening again. I can reason with myself and accept it. However she will not and that is when it will affect me worse because I will see the l effect its had on her
Hi Smoggy,
Ponder this. What will you do when you have built your savings back up to £2k, £5k whatever.
It's just that I never had any problem stopping until the next pay day, new credit card came through. I'd even be able to go almost 2 months, after all, not much point in betting when you only have £500 in the a**e pocket.
We need to accept that will power even combined with other tools like self exclusion only get us so far.
You have to use every tool in the box
GA meetings, openness with loved ones and removal of access to cash and credit.
Don't just focus on the days & months, its only a small part of life.
Work on true recovery.
Hello Smoggy, This addition surely escalates over time. The last time I played slots was the worst day ever and it went faster than ever... very scarey and sickening in everyway to my being. Every day , any day is the right day to be serious and grab onto what I've heard called the 'rope of hope' (connecting you with people and resources that support recovery). This is a good day to be strong and keep on going odaat. thx. for sharing your story , please keep sharing. tara2
Hi smoggy
Just wondering if you're ok....no post for few days on here....
Whilst I agree with all that's been advised to you.....I must admit when I read them all together it did read a bit "heavy handed "
(In my opinion)......and I think most people who I've been in touch with on here the last 3 + years.....will tell you im the softer type.....rather give a hug ....than a pollocking .....there's no defo rights and wrongs when you're fighting you're addiction. ...it's your fight.....you're addiction....you have to do it all for you......yes....obviously you're partners involved....and you should be asking yourself " am I being true to her"......simple answer is....no you're not....
But you have to realize that for yourself......
Soooooo .....keep at it ...keep coming here.....
Take advice offered....whether it's harsh.....or wrapped in a hug...
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