So trapped, suicide feels like the only way out to escape the pain

Ok mate ,take a deep breath,the money is gone.You must prepare to beat this,it will take time and there is hope ok,realise though you must commit to stopping gambling.Read back your post ,it's brought you pain.Stop gambling.

Then calm,take a year out in your head,sort the debt out into manageable payments, you payback ONLY what you can afford,don't leave yourself totally skint talk yo the creditors and put a plan in place.They must accept it or just pay them £1 per month. 

Take time to put all blocks in place so you can't gamble.

Get all that right and things will start to look better,then the confidence will come back to dust yourself down and bounce back to who you used to be mate.

It will take time.Dont rush ,go sort it out and get you back.

Good luck

Sorry to hear you are feeling so down. You are not alone and there are many on here who can relate. I’m in my forties and how I wish I had knocked gambling on the head I’m my thirties. It’s not too late.You need to access some help. Speak to Gamcare, think about GA, think about getting into an activity you enjoy or doing something new. Be strong and patient and you can get better.  Slowly things will improve if you stop gambling and get some help. You are not alone.

By the way SFC76 - does that mean you are a Saints fan? If so COYR!

Hi sfc, it saddens me to read this. The best way to stop this cycle of destruction is to listen. Get blocks in place, reduce your access to money or handover finances completely to someone else, your parents if they can. Go to you gp and get some help with your mental health. Find a GA meeting. It's never too late to stop. Call gamcare get counselling. Sign up to gamstop, download Gamban to gadgets, self exclude. Call stepchange to help with debt. This isn't about money any more, this is about you escaping into oblivion. Please make one small step today. Call Samaritans too. 

Hi sfc,

I totally agree with merry go round, im dealing with similar issues and found just coming clean with the people you love and trust the most is a good first step.

Hand over your finances to your parents and give them total access and disclosure, this will take away the need or want to hide anything.

Ive recently spoken with step change and they were amazing and made me feel actually there is light at the end of the tunnel, and now that has become a focus of mine.  Reach that light.

Self exclude from all your sites and sign upto blocking software, i just used gamstop but theres also gamban i think its called.

Dont think about the future in terms of what you want or dont have be in the now and focus on one day at a time, make life one managable day at a time and keep walking forward.

And speak to someone, either at a GA group or an advisor here to arrange counselling.

Remember you can beat this, people will help and life will get better.

Stay strong my friend and keep posting.

C

Hello Steve,

It sounds like you're feeling stuck with your problems and finding it hard to see ways of improving your experience.  Please call us on our freephone 0808 8020 133 for emotional support or if you'd like us to help you access free therapy locally or online.  It is good that you're sharing peer support on the forum, and having some extra support locally or online could be helpful too.  Our forum members have already suggested you see your GP, call the Samaritans and call us too on our freephone or netline.  Well done for reaching out for support and talking about your struggle.  Please call us on our freephone 0808 8020 133 for more support.

Take care,

Forum admin. 

Hi there,

I can relate to almost everything in your post and thank you so much for sharing your thoughts/ emotions.

I'm almost 34, in debt, alone/lonely and a lite depressed...but, same as you I believe - I am still hopeful.

Gambling took a lot away from me also. Rebuilding my life is a daily task but knowing that I'm not making matters worse by gambling, spurs me on to carry on.

I've spent many years in a job I absolutely hated. It was very demotivating and soul destroying. ..but you know, if you keep looking for something else, you will eventually find your calling. It took me 2 years of hard work and determination to secure the place in the job I always dreamed of. So, believe me, anything Is possible if you put your heart and soul to it.

Things doenst have to stay the way they are. I know myself how difficult change is but it is necessary to allow us to grow.

I am still extremely anxious and have zero confidence in socialising. I also have no friends. But again, as I said previously, it doesn't have to stay this way.  

You, same as me need to show yourself more love and care. It starts from within and when we feel better in ourselves, the light shines out to others to see if that makes sense.

Rome wasn't built in a day. Everything requires time and patience. Accept support available, GC counselling is free and truly helpful when we are on the journey to find ourselves again.

Be kind to you, you have a lot to offer to the world and you truly matter.

Just for today - you're enough and you do all you can...that is a progress itself.

Keep up faith.

Best wishes

S&B xx

SFC - another who has been right where you are now - it is horrible and my heart goes out to you.

Take the support available and there is a way through this.

Make whatever the last bet you had the best one you ever made by it being the last one.  It's gone, the money, the time, that part of your life.  It is so hard to accept but honestly I have never felt so liberate, so free as that moment when I said - and meant - OK, I lost. 

And I did, the bookies, the gambling industry beat me. beat up me up pretty bad in fact, the wounds are so deep they will be with me for a lifetime, health that I can never fully recover, relationships that will never be quite the same but I now have a life I can live again, I can now enjoy small moment, little pleasures and in some perverse way I have some secret moments when I enjoy things on a different level, things that I assume those around me are taking for granted that mean so much to me.

It sounds silly and it is so hard to make a switch but you have the power, the strength and the ability to make different choices, if you want to.

I've been through every single reason as to why I couldn't stop, probably ten times over but as I continue my recovery I can look back and now see that it was always a self made excuse

Once again, it's tough to be where you are right now, really tough - but it's not impossible. well done on posting, even that isn't easy when you are in the midst but keep doing it, don't worry if what you write doesn't make sense or is contradictory, don't worry if you don't reply to people or waffle, just do what you need to, so you can make the changes you want to make

and take the help

best wishes

ok first things first you need to get out of the mindset that life is over your in your mid 30's

ok you've wasted your selfish years  but so has the vast majority of the rest of society 

everyones in debt at some level and i suspect britains financial industry is going to pay a very very heavy price in the next few years but thats another story for another day 

a lot of beating a gambling addiction is in how you approach your problems be proactive and dont wallow in self pity 

most importantly some people just aren't cut out for the gambler life 

recognise it and knock it on the head 

things will progressively get better when you do 

Keep visiting here mate.  Keep chatting. Have a read around the site and other threads.  There is hope even when there really feels like there isn't.

Lots of us have had dark times.  Many have come out of the other side and many continue to fight on a daily basis.

It gets better, but it takes time.  The fact that you're here suggests to me that you want to make changes in your life and find a positive outcome.  The experts can help and we can support.

Hi

I felt like I was being controlled and not worth wile.

In the recovery I was ab;e to see other people who felt the same as me and were able to not only abstain from Gambling but find healthy relationships with them self and with other people.

The recovery helped me abstain from Gambling and over time I saw that before recovery I felt that Gambling controlled my life.

In time I set a boundary that sounded weird today I can do any thing I like but I am not able to Gamble.

Over time as I put more effort in to my recovery I healed and found that life was not boring at all and that by understanding I use to escape in my fears that over time my fears would be reduced from 10 out of 10 to 2 or 3 out of 10.

No more anxiety no more anger no more procrastinating no more risk taking no more  self abuse.

The healthy people in the recovery program helped me help myself become a person I am proud to be today.

Being in the recovery program I have gone from hopeless and useless to being a very healthy productive person who has no fears of emotional intimacy today.

Get in to the recovery program as soon as you can once you invest time and energy in to your recovery you will find every thing worth while.

Love and peace to every one

Dave L

AKA Dave of Beckenham

Hey Steve, just like to reiterate what everyone else is saying to you bud, please listen and don't give up,, as someone else said on here suicide dosnt stop the pain, it only passes it on to someone else. You can beat this horrible disease we've all got, as you can see from all the posts YOUR NOT ALONE!! your not even half way through your life yet buddy, mid 30's,, there's still PLENTY of time left to put this behind you and live a full and happy life. You've come through alot, so use this "experience" to make you stronger for the good half of your life now!! 

All the best buddy,

Stay strong.

Hi Andy,

I've only just read your post from two weeks ago. My God can I relate to you. I'm 43 and 7 years ago I was where you are. I hated my job, I felt I was taken advantage of, I felt like a dogsbody and because of my gambling addiction, I'd grown to despise myself and was grumpy and miserable to be around. My life was out of control, I was deep in debt and couldn't see a way out. I attempted suicide but somehow I'm still here. I want to tell you something that you might not be ready to believe, your best days of your life could be ahead of you? They say every 7 years we change as human beings, I know I am changing and everyday I feel more and more optimistic. So what's changed? Last year, I stopped gambling for 5 months but relapsed again and spiralled into deep depression. In December I was in crisis and asking myself if I wanted to go on anymore? I knew that I had to change huge areas of my life if I had a chance. I knew my thinking was toxic. I would punish  myself, bullying myself that grew into self-hated about my weakness and inability to turn my life around. I was in a viscous circle that had gone on for years. It would start by a bad day, maybe something someone had said and I'd go home stressed and P****d off and turn to the drink. I'd have a poor night's sleep, wake up the next day feeling low in mood and irritable. I'd have a bad day at work, feeling miserable and wishing I wasn't here, I'd go home and drink. After a few days I'd turn to the gambling and of course I'd lose and then I'd seek solace in alcohol where I'd have another poor night's sleep coupled with not eating properly and my moods would get worse until I'd end up walking out of my job and increasing my anti-depressants which didn't really help as I was still suicidal. I wanted to help myself and stop this insanity but I didn't know how? I felt like I was in a room with no doors and windows. My life felt like a prison. I pushed all my family and friends away and convinced myself I was better off on my own which naturally led me to feeling very lonely. My depression made me fearful and afraid of being around people. I just couldn't work out what to do? The first thing was when I got help from the problem gambling clinic in London and they prescribed my Naltrexone that not only takes away your cravings to gamble but you cannot drink alcohol on it either. I still had bad days but because I was no longer drinking, they would go away after a day or so rather than spiral into months of chronic depression, I had broken the cycle. The 2nd thing I did was join the gym. Exercise boost your moods and released feel-good endorphins in your brain. I had no desire to be a body builder, just to burn off some stress and stop me from ruminating in my room all day. I feel that joining the gym has been better than any anti-depressant I've ever taken. I've also been seeing a CBT counsellor. She demonstrated that my negative thinking habits that I'd developed are very common and can be turned into positive thinking habit which boost your moods and self-esteem. I would highly recommend getting on a CBT course, it will show you where you are going wrong, spending precious time beating yourself up and hating yourself which of course is insane and detrimental to any chance you have of happiness in life.

The good news is if you put in the effort, you can turn your life around. It's very important not to be a victim and to accept responsibility for your actions. I've royally screwed my life up but there's still plenty of time to change and be a better version of myself. Don't waste another moment being cruel to yourself, seize the day, get as much support as you can and you can have a new life where you actually like yourself. Many, many people stop addictions and go on to live better lives.

All the best.

Stu

Just a wee bump to check on how you are pal?