Suicidal feelings

Hey Lego...as a mum of children your age...NOTHING will stop me lovely my kids...whatever they do....or whatever situations they get there selfs in...as a mum I will always be there for them..
As a compulsive gambler...who is working exceptionally hard to recover...and who has remained gamble free for nearly 100 days....I say to you...you can do this...you have to want to do it...and you have to change things so you can do it....no it's not easy....but if you think you feel bad now...take a look at some diarys of gamblers who have lost EVERYTHING...you are going...you are strong...you can do this....pick up the phone and give gamcare a ring...good luck love...x

Hi Lego and welcome to the forum , my name's Alan and I'm a Compulsive Gambler, well not an active one since I came here 7 months ago and that's what changed my life ! .

Look what your contemplating is a permanent solution to a temporary problem , it's money and nothing more , money can be replaced but you can't . I had the same feelings back last August before I came here , feeling that I couldn't carry on with the life I was leading and all the lies and deceit and money worries had me backed into a corner I couldn't get out of and I really felt alone .

If you stick around here , you will soon realise that your far from alone with the way you feel , everyone's story is different ,from the types of gambling , amounts of debt and the reasons why we do it but we all have one common theme , were all compulsive gamblers with one common goal , to stop gambling !.

Simply put , you need to let go of the past and all the losses , accept that it's gone , it's not coming back and that your no longer going to chase it , combine this with putting some blocks in place to limit any more financial damage and there's no reason at all that you can't turn your life around pretty quickly , I know because 7 months ago I was in your shoes and now I'm living life again !

You can do this , you just have to want to !

Best wishes my friend and keep posting /................................Alan

I just wanted to add that being honest with your parents or loved ones can really help you move forward, as Loxxie said I'm also the father of a 21 yr son who's in his second year at Uni and I would be mortified if I thought he wouldn't come to me with a problem like this , I'd prob be a bit angry for a while just like your dad but sometimes it just takes a bit of time to come around because that's what parents are like but I'd always be there to help him because that's what parents do ! . If that's still not something you can face , then also as Loxxie said give Gamcare a ring as they can offer free one to one counciling , or speak to student services at your Uni who also have councilors available through student support , whatever you choose to do just remember your not alone with this , so if you want to talk on here for a while I'm always around , might not get back straight away but here most days , just a thought ? .

Just be aware that as much as you feel your world's come crashing down ,It's not the end of the world , you just need a bit of time away from gambling to let the brain fog to lift , trust me , all will be good again , it just takes a bit of time thats all !

Thanks Alan and Loxxie for your words of support.

When I can pluck up the courage I am going to tell my parents that I've had a relapse. For now my cousin is going to pay what I need immediately to survive and he will give me the money that I owe my girlfriend, as she really needs it back and that was a huge stress and a huge drive to gamble. I think I'm going to sell my smartphone which will raise some funds, but also take away the device that I gamble on most frequently. I'm feeling more positive now and I'm going to block any online transactions on my bank account for a year. I really feel like I'm going to do it this time. Life only gets better from here. I need to pass my finals and hopefully in a few months I can find a job with a good salary and start repaying those that have helped me and are now counting on my to do this. I will keep posting whenever I feel I need.

good luck to both of you in your contributed recoveries. I'm going to see the counsellor at uni tomorrow and I WILL NEVER GAMBLE AGAIN. Your words have picked me up in my darkest hours. Thank you

Hi again Lego , that's fantastic that your going to speak with a councillor at Uni , sometimes it's just good to talk with someone that's no quite so connected or close to you , simply because you get an outside opinion.

Don't forget that supports always here and no judgements , so if you feel the need to come back or ask advice then you know where to come !

All the best Buddy and I wish you well !

Regards .......................Alan

I just wanted to post an update on this thread. To anyone that is feeling as desperate as I was, things get better quickly. I now haven't gambled in 4 days. My family are all being very supportive and I have found counselling has really helped. It's early days, but that immediate despair after a binge is temporary. Everyone has something to live for. It doesn't matter what you've done in the past, today is a new day and is a good a day as any to start becoming the person you want to be. Do everything you need to stop gambling, go home and cry to the people you love the most, confess everything, make a financial plan. It seems daunting to me that at 22 it will take me 3 years to pay off my debts, but 3 years really isn't that long in the grand scheme of things. I loved life before gambling and I am beginning to love it again. I have found ways to treat people without spending money. I ran my girlfriend a bath last night and gave her a massage, she appreciated it far more than a swanky meal. Let's rebuild one day at a time. It will be hard to live on the breadline for a while, but I will come out of the other side a stronger and better person. Don't give up, we can do this and life is a blessing

Lovely lovely post young man...
Well done you ...
Told you I'll be keeping an eye on you : )
Now go get on with that revision. ..the world's waiting for you xx