Things are sometimes better than you think

Hi everyone

Infrequent poster, long-time gambler here!

I just wanted to make this post because I was looking back at this year thinking I had "failed again" as I have had a few lapses in my ongoing efforts at recovery this year.

But once I looked back at where I really was in January 2022 and compared it to now, I saw that actually I have managed to pay back 90% of my debts in that time! (A five-figure amount) I knew I'd paid off quite a lot and indeed I'm nearly debt-free now, yippee, but hadn't realised I'd done so well in only 12 months.

And more importantly, in reality I have had so many less gambling days than probably any previous year since I started gambling. So I really have made great progress and need to give myself credit for that instead of seeing the "failures". 

It's really hard when you want recovery to be a smooth and perfect road to feel okay when it's not, and not go down a spiral when you lapse. But I think that has always been part of my problem. A lack of humility which means I think I should be doing everything perfectly, or somehow be entitled to an easy road. Now I'm working on that (without beating myself up, is the idea) I do seem to be on more of an even keel, most of the time, and find it a lot easier to stay away from gambling.

Other things that have helped me make progress are: 

1) very gradually re-learning a new relationship with money (a big one for me that one)

2) finding ways to actually relax and take time out, instead of running to gambling when I'm stressed or tired (which obviously makes everything 10 times worse straight away)

3) being more honest with myself when I am having "urges" and managing to face them calmly instead of panicking or denying them. Then getting to the bottom of what I really need in that moment (as it is obviously not really gambling that I need!) 

4) letting go of the past and forgiving myself for what once (mistakenly) felt like an "unforgiveable" addiction

Anyway I hope that helps someone maybe. I have been a gambling addict for over 15 years and attempting recovery most of that time. It's only really in the last year or two, working on the things above, that I've made proper progress. And I had to find what worked for me and it took flippin forever but now I really see progress!

So my point is, if you're feeling like you're treading water with recovery or feeling despair that you "can't" give up, maybe it's better than you think (as our brains are trained to see the worst) and you're actually further along the road than you realise.

Just keep going, one foot in front of the other, and never give up on recovery.