We CAN and we WILL - Join the 100 day and 2017 Challenges!

Hi everyone I'm gavin I'm on my 5th day. I am constantly reading over this forum and have to say you are so supportive and it really touches me.

A brief recap of the last 10 years of my life. Met a girl. Went to greyhound racing for a night out.

Started placing tiny bets on greyhound.

I am into software programming so love analysing data and trying to produce solutions.

Saw Darren browns tv show about betting on horses.

Switched to betting on horses.

Got lucky on a 3 horse bet. Won £1600.

I remember thinking to myself. We're a young family. I'm on £1000 a month fixed income.
Im going to keep betting on horses I was looking to try and win a life changing amount of money.

That is the last bit of me being normal I remember. The rest is nothing but misery.

I turned into the most pathetic person. Nicking WiFi from the petrol station opposite our flat. I had to crouch against the front door in the flat to get it. I use to come home from work and do that every night.

I was gone in the head. Totally obsessed. I would feel real sadness if I would even miss 1 race.

Where has the time and money gone!

I later had a second child. Little boy and I think even on the day my ex partner gave birth. I was at home with my little girl and I was gambling online. (80% horses 20% football)

My son was born. I did not want to work. All I could think about was making a living off betting on horses. Like it was the only way I could earn an uncapped amount of money.

I would win big amounts. Plough it all back in and be down £1000 of my own cash each month.

I was borrowing heavily from my mum and dad.

Next I even spent my partners inheritance money which was about £900.

I use to get fustrated at her. Id say why didn't you get me off there win I was winning!

I was such a toss*r.

A few months later she got a job. She made new freinds and she left my sorry ar*e for another man. Without me knowing about it.

She took my children and they have a new life now. I always loved my children so much they were and still are my little best freinds. I'm lucky I can see them. Not as much as I would like but enough to feel I know them 🙂

By this time I had run up a few credit card debts.

Could not tell you how much I spent but probably was around £20,000

But at this point I had got a job but it was unsociable hours and I just think my partner had just fallen out of love with me. I do not blame her. I did not care for my appearance, nothing.

After she had left with the kids. I moved back In with my mum and to be fair got right back on track. Was working. Then slowly the lads around me would talk about football a lot. I think I started betting on football again and then was straight back on the horses.

I have moved from job tö job. Most of the time I would secretly bet at work.

It's not like I am just spending money I can afford to loose. I am gambling with my whole wages then relying on other people to get me through the month.

Somehow I managed to meet a lovely girl and quite quickly after we fell in love we had twins. When she fell in love she did not know I was a gambler. I kept it from her. She did not see me gamble for quite a while. Probrably untill everything became very comfortable and you start taking for granted what you have.

I have been gambling non stop. I have created software to gamble. I have researched every aspect of horse racing I could. All the angles. Does not matter. I am a gambling addict and that is it.

I have racked up around 25,000 in debt in the last 2 years. Plus 80% of any cash that passes through me has gone on online bookies or impulse high street bookmaker betting.

Gambling has made me lonely. Lie to everyone. Lie even about the lies. I have not shown the important people in my life the attention they deserve. My actions have caused true misery for other people.

While I have £10 on something it blocks it out. But deep down I know excactly what a horrible person i am when I am putting gambling first.

Not anymore. If I see anything to do with sports I close my eyes. If I think of anything about gambling i change my thought or block it out or come on here.

Thank you for the support you have already given me.

Almost on day 6 now.

And you know what...

WCAWW!

Hi gavin.

I commend your honesty.

Your with friends here.
Don't worry about the money that's been lost. IT'S GONE.

Don't chase. IT'S GONE.

You can rebuild your life from NOW.

I've lost 100 grand pal, some people even more. But when it's not about the money anymore and it's debilitating your health and your lifestyle it's time to change.

Check into this diary every day, one of us will get back to you. Use the chat room, seek counselling.

Talk to me if you need to, talk to mix, Katie, ronda, any of us. We listen to each other and prop each other up.

Yes it's hard. I beat smoking after 14 years, never looked back. I could beat it, I did beat it.

As for gambling, it's a different animal. You need to have an unbreakable will to stop. I'm currently moving through mineral strengths, the longer I go without it, the stronger I get. 10 days for me tomorrow and I have will made of titanium.

I can beat it. I will beat it.
YOU can beat it too.

We CAN. and we WILL.

Just a word of caution from the other side of the fence to suggest that treating a loved one in the very early days of recovery might not go down as well as you hope. Can't say I'd have been grateful for anything Mr L could have bought me at that time in fact given the level of debt he'd incurred behind my back he'd probably have ended up wearing it. The very best gift you could offer IME is complete honesty, transparency and reliability the effect of which won't be apparent for a while.

Thank you, Lethe, that is a very, very good point and any 'treats' must only be made only if the circumstances are exactly right. The recipient, as you say, may not take the gift too kindly for all sorts of reasons an example of which you have given in your post above. I am going to amend my previous post to make this absolutely clear.

Honesty, transparently, reliability - that, as you say, is the very best gift of all.

Thank you Lethe. For me it has been the realisation that I am beginning to feel the need to lie to people I love, that has made me want to stop. I have never been able to lie...I don't want to become that person. Day 7 today.

Congratulations on hitting a week, Rhoda. Our group is immensely proud that you have hit this first milestone.

Alright guys. Hope you don't mind me joining in.
Day 15 for me but it feels like day 1 all over again with that sinking feeling, I don't want to gamble and I won't, I have too much to lose.
As I said on my own thread, this morning my partner revealed that she doesn't trust me anymore and that she hasn't forgiven me for what has happened, I hope to God I can earn the trust back and appreciate it will take a while but this is like the 3rd/4th time I've had to make it up to her. My latest relapse is not as bad as the last but that's not the point. I have found myself lying to her alot lately which I hate doing and I'm just digging my own grave really. I've told her no more lies but she's heard it before, I'm not this person, I'm better, I know I am and hopefully she does too.
I want to be a better person all round and gambling and got me stuck in a rut but all is going well so far on that front, nice to know I'm not alone.

Morning all.

Just a quick post as I have to head out.

Paul your doing great. I know that feeling too but it'll pass. Mixer, I love the idea of the roll call, you really are putting the effort into our page.

We are all here for the same reason. Come on guys, NO relapses, not even a £1 scratchcard!

We CAN and we WILL

Morning folks & a huge welcome to our new group members.....

It's only day 3 for me but I'm feeling more positive about being able to conquer this now that I realise I'm not alone.

A huge part of this terrible addiction is the lies we tell, both to others and to ourselves....to be able to be completely honest bout everything is such a relief...to express those feelings, to get them out can only help with our recovery, I feel so lucky to be part of this group and its given me such determination for the future, not only do I want to stop for myself but now I also want to stop for all of you lovely people, you give me strength.....and that is exactly what I need right now.....

Keep going my fellow groupies.....WCAWW!

M x

PaulGam - here's a thought. Think of the old you, the Paul that last gambled 15 days ago. Picture what you were gambling on, and throw both down into a pit of firey hell. Throw the lies, deciet and everything else down there. What's left is a new Paul, a refreshed, invigorated person, a phoenix rising from the ashes. This really is it Paul. Relapse is now a dirty word to you. You are NOT going to entertain that nonsense again. Enough, Paul - you can do this. And welcome aboard, great to have you join our group!

SC, thank you for a delightful post. You are exactly right - gambling brings with it all kinds of horrible character traits, such as lieing and deceit. NO MORE! It is all out in the open. You care, we care. We desperately want you to succeed!

KP - what can I say, my friend. You epitomise exactly what this is about. A gritty, 100% determination to shake this leeching parasite off forever. NO relapses. You got it!

We CAN, and we WILL.

Just want to offer a hug and well wishes to all xxxx

Tough day. All I'm thinking about is my losses and how much better things would be if I had resisted the urge.

GUEST POST TIME!

Fellow friends and non-gamblers in our great little group,

I've come across this post from Molehole, who, incidentally has not gambled for a long, long time. A success story! This was written at a time when he was finding it tough in the early days. Any comments?

Keep strong. WCAWW. Mixer

Hi,

I'm relieved to say I haven't gambled since my meltdown last month. But something occured to me last week which I'd like to share.

Addiction, in whatever form it takes, is truly awful because not only does it rot us from the inside out and destroy our sense of self, it is also very hard to get understanding, compassion, even sympathy, from those around us - especially from society in general that sees it as a weakness in character, a problem of our own making, or those who why try understand and offer such "helpful" advice as "Well, just don't do it!" 😉

Gambling is an especially nasty addiction because it's all in our own minds - there's no physical substance we inject or drink, no virus or pathogen that's infected our bodies. At least with cancer you get a visible sign of hair falling out through chemo! But I know we're not looking for sympathy. Understanding certainly.

I've just come back from a great holiday in Morocco. No betting shops, no mobile phone signal to bet online, no bars where I was staying as it's a Muslim country, no coke dealers on the street, etc. So physically no way for me to feed any of my addictions.

Did I think about gambling and having a drink?

Hell YES!!!

Did I gamble or have a drink?

Nope!

Why?

Because however much I wanted to... I physically couldn't!

My point being there's a valuable lesson here, (for me at least). When the urges strike, in a moment of weakness, any of us can give in, but if we physically don't have access to our poison of choice then the only damage we can do is to moan about it and ride it out.

So, if you realise you have a problem and want to do something about then Install Gamblock, K9 or any blocking software on your internet enabled devices. Buy a cheap non-internet accessible phone. Only ever carry a small amount of cash sufficient for your daily needs and hand over your cards to a trusted love one.

I'm sitting here now feeling a strong urge to gamble. Luckily at the moment I feel positive in myself so my willpower is enough to not give in. But if later, after a few drinks, my willpower isn't enough - I literally don't have access to any funds except about £5 cash! Sure I'll ****** and moan about it in the moment, but when I wake up in the morning I'll feel a strong buzz of genuine excitement.

However much you want to gamble; if you physically can't then it's not an option.

Obvious point I guess, but one I'd never really acted upon before now. It works!! I read here about the triangle "Money-Time-Opportunity" - it's true, but can be reduced to just "Money!" - If you ain't got it, you can't spend it. I'm not suggesting we all move to Morroco, so we'll all have to come to terms with the fact that temptation is on every street corner, every webpage. But if we don't have access to the money, there's naff-all we can do to get sucked in.

Best

M

Hi rogerson, Yep. Know the feeling. No time for tea and sympathy though (Sorry.) You know what to do. Which is TODAY. Please get to Day 2 🙂

I'll do you a deal though; I'm a fair person. When you reach Day 100, I will give you all the tea and sympathy you need. You have my word. I'll even bring out the tears if you want. Deal? (I guarantee you, though, by then you will tell me to sling my hook - you won't want to indulge in all that self-pity then, I promise you.).

Thanks for the hugs Angela (Pinky), and I notice you're on Day 2 - brilliant! Keep going - the group needs you to be strong and you will feel so much stronger too!!!! WCAWW