Why oh why

Don't beat yourself up, most of us have the done the same thing. Draw a line under it and move on, start again. I am on my second time of trying, very early days but, it does seem easier this time! Try and fill the time with other things, I have listed some stuff on eBay which is something I couldn't be bothered to do when I was gambling, and that has helped.

You can do it, come on here daily for motivation.

Thanks Chipsdog. Appreciate the moral support. Think I'll go to the cinema to try and take my mind off it.

In aswer to your opening line, nothing is wrong with you.

I am only 2 days in and I am struggling. Deep down I know that at some point this is going to get the better of me. However, what I do know is that I will try again and I will suceed.

This happens not because of a weakness it is because this is stronger than most would realised. The good thing is that being on here we all realise how difficult it can be and are all here to support eachother.

Spent the day in work tormented by invasive thoughts: regret big time/guilt/self disgust/worry/hopelessness etc.

Felt like crying at times but all the time putting on a brave face and smiling.

Hi Imuzbemad.

Have you spoken to gamcare again for the one to one chat?

They were the symptoms of classic stress relief gambling and its a direct shot in the arm you seek after feeling low or extra stressed

I really do recommend a chat with the doctor as plenty of help is on offer there. You can chat about how you are feeling, relationships and life in general. The doctor will pick up on any issues

If there is any way you must discuss it again with people close. There is no shame in that and your gadgets may need to be handed over if you cant get it all blocked and self excluded. If gadgets are your way in then you are not treating an addiction with the fear and respect it deserves. It will ruin you given half a chance and you need to be firmly focused that losing your gadgets for a while is nothing compared with that

I will be blunt in that you have pretty much left the door wide open to gamble. You can discuss it with me but there are no two ways about that. There must be no outlet for your twinges and then you would have to do something else more worthwhile as you build a healthy mind again. You do not want these people on your gadgets and in your home

Discuss your urges. Why as they should be immediately countered with its a complete waste of money and a losers game. Its not an income scheme. You are ignoring reality. They are not there to give you a win on demand. They are selling a dream and an addiction which makes them lots of money.

When you start to feel calm with life again and see gambling for what it is, there is a good future.

Being gamble free is a great feeling and I know you will join us again with increased blocks and support

Best wishes from everyone on the forum

Hello Imuzbmad,

Reading your post and I see so many of my own issues, online gambling has been a major problem for me over the last few years. It's not even the winning I get that as well its a mixture of excitement and hiding from problems in my life. I've had to follow some of the advice above and use blocking software and wifi parental controls to really stop myself and the little demon in my head tried to persuade me not to. Now I can't physically get to any of these sites stopping is much easier....I just can't trust myself so It was the only option. It's really not easy and I wish I had the courage to get some help but shame means I'm trying to deal with it myself, I hope you're braver than me and take the advice about getting professional help. I wish you the best in fighting off this crazy addiction.

Daz

Thank you Joy, you are very insightful and told me a few home truths. I was having counselling through Gamcare but my counsellor left the service before the end of my course. I didn't want to start all over for just a few sessions with someone new so gave up. Anyway, the counsellor said I would need about 2 years of counselling with all my issues. You can't get that anywhere free so I gave up. I have emailed Gamcare to ask if I could have the counselling again from them but they haven't got back to me. I don't think I have the fight in me.

Daz, thanks for your support. I know that if I go go the GP they will prescribe antidepressants. I've I had them before and I can't function in work on tbem because they make me feel so lethargic and zombiefied. Sorry to be so negative but I really have tried everything in the past, including Gamblock, which wrecked my laptop. Been to GA and felt really uncomfortable, mostly men with bookies problems, didn't feel they understood my issues at all. It all seems very hopeless right now.

Imuzbmad, since I can't pluck up the courage to get help it's difficult for me to try to suggest it to anyone else but I know alot of people on here have had good results.

The wifi changes have been the big game changer for me this time since every other time I tried to quit I could still get onto more sites and as I'm sure you know it doesn't matter how many you self exclude from another appears. I'm with BT so it was a case of logging into my account online where you can actually block just gambling but other providers offer 18+ blocks I think. The difficult part then was finding a way to do this that wouldn't give me the opportunity to change these settings as I wanted no one else involved - it's much easier with someone elses help I'm sure. How I've done it was as follows: -

Log in and change the settings.

Open a new gmail account with a nonsense address and password which I put in a spreadsheet and copied/pastied so I wouldn't remember them.

Change my log on details with BT to this gmail account/password again by copy and pasting.

They ask for a recovery email address so I blanked this (but another nonsense gmail address would have worked) and used my sisters mobile number for the recovery number(without telling her)

Saved the spreadsheet with the log on details to a memory stick and deleted every other trace from my PC

Went to visit my sister and while there made an excuse to go into the attic and left the memory stick there

It sounds complicated but it really wasn't that bad and now I have no way to change these settings without driving out to my sisters house so hopefully if things get too bad that will give me time to get my mind straight

As I said earlier its alot easier if you have someone else make the changes and keep the information but I'm trying to manage on my own and so far its worked. I just had to make sure I didn't give the crazy part of my mind an easy way to change these settings back again.

I'm not sure if it's possible to contact your supplier and ask for the settings to be changed with no option to switch them back but that may be worth a go 1st.

It's made me realise how much this site can help as I'd never thought of doing this before (Loxxie's idea from another post).

I hope this will help but if you need anything else I usually check the forums everyday so if you need anymore information I'll try to get back to you quickly.

I think for me the whole gambling thing is like an antidepressant just there to give me a buzz when I need it but I really need to make a change so I'm taking it day by day.

I'll try to help as much as I can while I'm on top of things and hope we can both stay away from those crazy sites.

Sorry to go on

Daz

GamBlock works just fine for us - the only time we know it's there is when it blocks a suspicious site. There are one or two other sites caught but we can manage without them.

CW

Morning.Reading through some of your previous posts, it seems as though you've been battling against this for years. Breaking the triangle and installing blocks are a necessity, but it really does seem that getting to the root of why you gamble is going to be the thing that sets you free. Hopefully, gamcare will come through with some counselling...if they don't get back to you, then contact them again (maybe by phone, if you can). I can understand you not wanting anti-depressents, but many GP surgeries also offer counselling or should be able to refer you for some. If the previous counsellor suggested you needed a long course of therapy (2 years) then finding a way to get yourself that help has to be a priority. If gamcare/gp aren't able to provide what you need, then try Mind....they do counselling. Or maybe your workplace has access to it via the hr department?There are low cost therapists out there if you have to pay for it. I know it might be a push for you, but in the longer term it will be worth it. And I'm wondering if there is a different GA meeting you could go to? You might be able to find one that has a different mix of people, with more women?

I know this may all seem a bit overwhelming at the moment, and the thought of sorting any of this out might seem like too much. But what's the alternative?

Stay strong. LifeBegins x

Thanks Daz, CW and Lifebegins. Very valid advice. I rang the gamcare helpline today as I have had nobody to talk to and I was feeling overwhelmed by trying to hide how I am feeling. They were very helpful and referred me to counselling. They rang back and I have my telephone assessment on Wed. Feel hopeful for the moment. Still not sleeping well, waking frequently in a panic. Hopefully it will be a bit better tonight.

I went to the cinema today, alone, to get some respite and on the way home, despite knowing how I have been since Friday, my cg brain was still toying with going into a bookies to chase my losses. Thankfully I resisted. I never go into bookies so that would be wierd for me. I really don't understand my own brain.

P.S. just walked in the living room and my husband is sat at the computer playing real money slots! I know he has a gambling problem but does not admit it. My son is in there as they were watching the football (he's 18), luckily he shows no interest in gambling. I feel furious right now. My husband introduced me to the slots and I hate him for it. Does not help my present situation.

Yes you dont have to take the anti depressant tablets and you can control the event to some extent. The doctor should just be suggesting the IAPT counselling as you tell them that you dont want to take tablets.

I dont take tablets and I told the doctor that I wouldnt. I feel ok without taking them and its discussing it and healthy living that makes me feel better.

You must be blocked and you need that eureka day where you properly block from everywhere. If you leave doors open and arent fully ready to stop you will relapse like most others would.

Whats coming out is that your family gambles which is a very dangerous situation for all of you as you will just reinforce each other. It appears to have become a way of life that can only ruin you. I worry about your husband and others gambling near you. You need to discuss this more

You really do seem to have had it heavy for years and I hope that we can help you. You need to be ready to stop so I hope you will take the advice onboard

Best wishes

Thanks Joy. Only my husband gambles. My son is not interested at all, thank goodness. My parents don't gamble. I wasn't brought up with gambling around. My husband is the one who introduced me to the slots, before we were married. I used to sit and watch him play and be bored. If only I'd known then and suspected that he had a problem. I really think I wouldn't have married him. He also bets in the bookies. I loathe that side of him.