Will get there

Welcome Willdo79,

Well done on admitting you have a problem, this can be a hard thing to do alone.

Make sure you put as many blocks in place as possible to minimise the risk of gambling. When you feel an urge, come on here and post your thoughts.

Good luck with recovery, it's a hard journey but one that gets easier as time goes on and you'll start living life again

Take care

James

Today 6th November 2014 I have finally realized in real terms how overpowering my gambling addiction is. I lost £1,800 today. My total loss so far has been a monstrous £18,200 since I first started gambling 14 months back. All this while I was in denial and in hubris about my addiction and its powerful hold over me. Reality has hit me. Finally hit me hard. I am numb today. Numb not only with the financial loss but also with all the lies, denial and self deception over last year or so.

Still feeling terrible and horrible. Mustered up the courage to tell my wife about true extent of the loss. Brought some relief but am still very numb and in shock. It hit me real hard today. I had decided not to gamble today morning after winning £800 and losing £700 in the last two days. My 'decision' soon got overpowered when I got tempted to play online roulette and lost £200. Felt depressed and went straight to the casino to recover money and ended up losing another £1,600. Feel so very low when recounting this. Had earlier two weeks back transferred my massive redundancy pay to my wife's account after losing a lot of large amount of bank loan. I am about £400 in debt overall and without a job though I have bank loan covering me for the next few months. Thank God I transferred money to my wife's account else would have lost it. Thinking all this makes me sick. Reminds me of first step of GA. I am powerless over my addiction and my life has become a bit screwed up. Worried about getting a decent job now as my self confidence has been badly hit. My perceptions have been distorted so much. I have decided to seach and join my first GA meeting tomorrow. And never ever visit the area where that casino is located in addition to keeping my money with my wife. Feel so ashamed and guilty but need to move on. It will be hard, very hard as I face up to my life now and pick up the pieces. Can't believe I have done this to me.

Today is Day 1.

Day 2 without gambling.

Felt huge urges yesterday and today. Thanks to my tight fisted wife did not have access to my bank loan money I had transferred to her account. I had also asked to transfer £600 to keep my savings account above negative balance but transferred it back to deal with the temptations to gamble and it helped. Showed my financial situation to my wife. I have funds to cover the next few months living expenses thaanks to my bank loan but am £400 in debt on balance. Am planning to close my accounts overdraft facility. Spent the last two days mostly reading the just released autobiography of my favourite sportsman that I was keenly looking forward to and it helped in keeping urges at bay.

Well done on day 2! And for having the courage to admit to your wife that you have a problem. I have only been on here a few days but I already know that I have come further than I ever would of been able to without the support of this site.

Good luck with your future gamble free days x

It is Day 1 again for me. Gambled again last week and lost money. Again admitted my acts to my wife who assured me that she still loves me and is willing to help me get out of this. Can't help feeling bad about all the money and time that I lost since I first started gambling and what things could have been. Chasing my losses have only increased my losses and frustration.Opening up to my wife again abot my flaws has helped me feel a bit better and she has been wonderfully supportive. Lucky to have her as a partner. Though the pain of losing so much money is a lot perhaps this is the opportunity for me to re-align myself with the principles of personal happiness and growth and grow as a human being.

Read the below helpful post here:

I hope the following tips from my friend will help others here, i have started to implement some of them and it certainly helps !

My Top 10 Tips to Beat Gambling Addiction

Everyone’s recovery is personal, what works for some doesn’t always work for others. It is one of the reasons I have put ten tips on here and asked everyone who posted their story on my site to also include one tip that worked for them.

Below I have compiled a list that incorporates the ten things that most helped me in the hope that you will be able to take at least one thing away from it and apply it in your own journey of recovery.

1 - Always minimise your opportunities to gamble

This is the one that I paid most attention to in the early days of recovery. I know myself and my weaknesses and at the height of my addiction I would always find a reason to ‘pop’ into the bookies and my CNWL treatment helped me to analyse this in more detail.

The concept is simple, take all the steps you can to eliminate every single opportunity to gamble.

Never go out with cash point cards and carry as little cash as is absolutely necessary. Don’t make excuses eg ‘I always need money when I go out’. In that case only carry the amount of money you absolutely need for whatever it is you are buying or doing or, better still, give them to your partner to look after. Self-exclude from bookies (see Tip 7) block yourself from gambling websites and mobile phone apps.

You’re a gambling addict so accept that temptation will always be there and try to minimise your opportunities to gamble until they are virtually eliminated.

2 - Admit defeat

This is the one I really struggled with and continue to struggle with on a regular basis.

I hated something getting the better of me and have lost count the amount of times I have frittered away thousands of pounds unable to accept my losses. At one of my group sessions at CNWL someone simply said those two words, ‘Admit defeat’ and its impact on me was huge and will live with me forever.

You WILL NOT WIN on a regular basis. It doesn’t happen because the compulsive behaviour inherent in our addiction leads us to carry on and ‘just one more go’ leads you to lose all your winnings in the blink of an eye.

I have written until I’m blue in the face on this site about my feelings on the industry and its lack of regulation. Whilst we are hopeful things WILL change in the future the reality is we have to accept it’s not happening right now and your opportunities to gamble are endless. The sooner you accept your losses the sooner you will be able to move on with your life and your recovery.

3 - Seek help

There are many ways you can get help and fantastic support and I will only list the ones that I have experienced and have helped me turn my life around.

CNWL Gambling Clinic, Soho, London - Google them, phone them and get on the waiting list. In my view quite simply the best treatment available.

Gamblers Anonymous - Helped me in the early days and I still occasionally go to meetings. Google and find the nearest meeting to you.

Other help that I know is available, although I haven’t experienced it, is through GamCare. Also join as many forums online as you can and maybe even get involved in the fight against lack of industry regulation.

4 - Surround yourself with people

My gambling addiction was the loneliest experience of my life. By its very nature it brings with it shame and deceit and the last thing I wanted to do was having anyone know of my secret life.

You will not beat it alone. Fact.

The sooner you have the courage to ‘come out’ and tell loved ones the better in the long term. Still to this day I have a support network of friends who I can speak openly too and needless to say I am also now in touch with many fellow gambling addicts. The more people you can open up to and seek support from the better as far as I’m concerned. When I first did the website it was still very taboo and less accepted as an issue. I believe that has changed and you will be surprised how empathetic people actually are to the problem.

The more support you get the stronger you become and I have no doubt there is no way I could have got remotely close to beating my addiction without the support from friends and loved ones.

5 - Be transparent about your finances

This actually falls under Tip 1, minimising your opportunities to gamble but I feel it warrants a headline of its own.

I was an expert at hiding my addiction and the debt that came with it. I learnt very early on that I had to establish a whole new relationship with money. Why not follow the principle of what I did on here and have a weekly cash count with your partner. I kept receipts for every single purchase, even newspapers, and on a weekly basis went through my finances with my partner or friend. When you have ‘come out’ with your addiction it becomes increasingly hard to hide any income to someone who is helping you keep a track of your finances.

I remember early on I learnt to appreciate the value of money so much more. I wrote about this on my diary and simple things like food shopping in Sainsburys were oddly fulfilling. I hate shopping at the best of times but actually now find myself taking my time over purchases I make and have a whole new respect for money.

6 - Increase your ‘pleasant’ activities

Increase your enjoyment of life without gambling.

Simple things like join a gym or evening club of something that interests you. The key is keeping yourself busy, boredom is my enemy and if I have time on my hands it only increases the likelihood of relapse. If you can do something physical its my belief that this only increases your mental well-being too. I hate jogging for example but force myself to do it as I know the benefits are many.

There is no excuse for not doing this one as there are so many activities you can conduct and enjoy. Needless to say even if jumping out of an aeroplane with a parachute isn’t your cup of tea it sure as hell beats spending the afternoon in the bookies with the inevitable outcome.

7 - Self Excluding

This is a bit of a bug bearer for me as I have previously written about. Be aware that even though you may take steps to complete a form and self-exclude from all your local bookmakers they very rarely police it - surprise surprise. That said its an absolute must to create safe havens around your home and workplace.

For bookies you need to go into the premises (take a friend) with 2 passport sized photos and ask at the counter for an exclusion form. Complete it there and then and walk out never to return.

There are a number of software packages that block gambling websites and same applies to mobile phones. No excuses, do this immediately!

8 - Give something back

This is really worthwhile. Look into any local charities you could get involved in if having too much time on your hands is an issue. Its remarkably fulfilling and needless to say uses your time in a much more positive way.

Maybe even do something for charity. I will (I hope) shortly be looking into completing a number of adrenalin fuelled activities which I also hope will raise some money for worthwhile causes.

Also think about getting involved in the fight against lack of regulation. For some the constant browsing over gambling related threads in online forums may be too much but I found it extremely helpful to at least try and contribute.

***** is a great one to start off with www.*****-group.org.uk

9 - Keep a crib sheet in wallet

I have a black wrist band I wear and the idea is that every time I feel compelled to gamble, before actually walking into a bookies I would look at my wrist band that reminded me to look at a crib sheet I had written and keep in my wallet.

The
crib sheet contained my own personal, hard hitting messages to myself on reasons not to gamble. I won’t detail all of them but they included:
Gambling ruined my life.
If I don’t gamble I will be able to afford a holiday for my boys.
If I start to gamble I will lose any winnings and all my cash.
I will gradually get my self-respect, and other peoples respect, back if I can stop gambling.

Your crib sheet is personal to you but if none of the other tips has stopped you from gambling always make sure you read it before opening the door of that bookies or entering your login details online. My mentor Philip Mawer uses a similar concept called the chip of change in his book Overcoming Gambling.

10 - Reward your non-gambling

This is a bit of a contentious one I learnt from my CNWL treatment. Contentious in that some partners may find it difficult to accept rewarding yourself for not gambling. But as CNWL say its challenging the thought process involved, please get on the waiting list for CNWL where you will learn full details.

The automatic thought process is:
‘Yes gambling would be fun, but not gambling would be better’.
If you contract with yourself to get something pleasurable if you do not gamble, then this will act as a challenge to the desire to gamble.

A couple I used were spending 99p on iTunes at end of day/week or putting a pound a day away for my kids holiday. Of course they don’t have to be monetary as if you were in my shoes I didn’t have a penny to my name. Think outside the box a little with this one.

Today I have not gambled

Read the below helpful post here:

I love this post from my friend who is addicted to gambling and posted it on his website 365 days... fantastic words

Someone said to me recently:

“It’s unfortunate but people like to read about a genuine struggle against the odds. Whether we agree or not, in the majority of cases it’s true.

What you’re going through should be written, read and reflected on by those suffering with the same addiction. You have lost sight of why you did this in the first place and you need to continue documenting your story in the hope that it deters others making the same mistakes”.

This last two weeks has found me as low as when I left hospital last September. And don’t think I haven’t been fighting - nor that I will give up.

The reality is I’ve gone from earning a six figure salary as a Business Development Manager in the City (not a boast but a fact), to having my job application to stock online grocery orders with my local Sainsbury’s’ turned down this week! It may well have nothing whatsoever to do with my site and yes, I may be a little paranoid but it is a possibility.

So…please…if you are tempted to go on another gambling episode think again.

Think of your family and what it would feel like to hurt and lose them and how the people you loved, and who loved you, will be affected for years to come.

Think of your kids and what it would feel like to see them go on another holiday without you and not even be able to give them any spending money to take with them.

Think of your ex-wife who might phone you in tears one day because she’s struggling to keep a roof over your children’s head because you’re not paying maintenance at the moment.

Think of what it might feel like to lose everything you worked so hard for and be left with nothing but crippling debt.

Think of how you might feel having to continuously ask friends for money again just to get you through the week and feed yourself.

Think about the innocent victims of your selfish addiction and its devastating repercussions that, 3 years on, you still don’t fully comprehend or appreciate.

Think about the constant struggle you may face just to keep your head above water and that, sometimes, you actually don’t want to come back to the surface for air.

Think of how you might be lucky enough to find love again only to hurt that person so much with your lies covering up your addiction that she has to take time off work as you’d made her ill - and then never getting her back and seeing her with someone else.

Think of how frustrated you might feel knowing that you’ve got so much to give, how you would work harder than ever before, start again at the ‘bottom’ with a true inner belief and burning ambition to rise again - yet no-one seems willing to give you another chance.

Think about the fact that you’re lining the wallets of the corporate fat cat Directors of the bookmaking industry who seem to think it’s socially acceptable to bombard the youth of today with a constant stream of advertising, and a gambling culture that our government condones and does f*** all about.

Think about how you might try your heart out to get any form of work again and what it would feel like to be rejected stocking food orders in f*****g Sainsbury’s’!

If you read that and you still go and gamble in the next 24 hours then even I will come round and personally throttle you.

I made a mistake in not continuing to write this for the last two weeks, I don’t mind admitting it. And for that I apologise. But I did it because it came up in job interviews and I was once asked…

”What’s more important Roger, your site or this job”?

My priority is to get a job and pay maintenance for my kids and help my ex-wife and I thought I could ‘hide’ this site temporarily.

How wrong was I!

f*** it. Can't lie or hide anymore in interviews. It is what it is.

Tomorrow I start writing again.

Today I have not gambled

http://www.gamcare.org.uk/forum/aegretudo-egretudo

Read the below here:

Quote about success in life...

He has achieved success who has lived well, laughed often and loved much.
Who has gained the respect of intelligent men & the love of little children.
Who has filled his niche & accomplished his task.
Who has left the world better than he found it.
Whether by an improved garden, a perfect poem, or rescuing a lost soul
Who has never lacked appreciation of earths beauties, nor failed to express it.
Who has always looked for the best in others & given the best he had.
Whose life is an inspiration
Whose memory a benediction.

I wonder where gambling fits in to this ? hmmmm NO WHERE !!!

Imagine there is a bank account that credits your account each morning with $86,400. It carries over no balance from day to day.
Every evening the bank deletes whatever part of the balance you failed to use during the day. What would you do? Draw out every penny, of course?
Each of us has such a bank. It's name is TIME.
Every morning, it credits you with 86,400 seconds.
Every night it writes off as lost, whatever of this you have failed to invest to a good purpose.
It carries over no balance. It allows no over draft. Each day it opens a new account for you. Each night it burns the remains of the day.
If you fail to use the day's deposits, the loss is yours. There is no drawing against "tomorrow."
You must live in the present on today's deposits. Invest it so as to get from it the utmost in health, happiness and success!
The clock is running!! Make the most of today.
To realise the value of ONE YEAR, ask a student who failed a grade.
To realise the value of ONE MONTH, ask a mother who has given birth to a premature baby.
To realise the value of ONE WEEK, ask the editor of a weekly newspaper.
To realise the value of ONE HOUR, ask the lovers who are waiting to meet.
To realise the value of ONE MINUTE, ask a person who just missed a train.
To realise the value of ONE SECOND, ask someone who just avoided an accident.
To realise the value of ONE MILLISECOND, ask the person who won a silver medal at the Olympics.
Treasure every moment that you have! And treasure it more because you shared it with someone special, special enough to spend your time with. And remember time waits for no one.
Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. Today is a gift. That's why its called the present

Read the below here:

So here i am on day 26, day by day getting stronger ! its an amazing feeling to feel free and liberated, of course i have to be careful ! i know i will never be totally free of this curse but i am heading in the right direction. Day at the pub for me today, good beer, good footbal (unlike my team west ham yesterday) and good games of darts, all soaked up with good firends ! simple things in life are best. Have a great day everyone, Dark Place

Slipped up again today and lost £150 on online roulette. Was thinking of all the losses and ended up losing even more. Just when I deposited another £100 to play got moment of enlightenement. An inner voice told me that what I am about to do is really unnecessary and fruitless. The inner voice further told me that what I am doing will bring in further misery. It will destroy my relationship with my wife. It will make my life hell with pangs of guilt. It will prison me in a hell of frustration, palpitations, self loathing and destroy the trust that I have with my family and myself and diminish my ability and enthusiasm to find another job. The downside of not gambling is facing the reality of post gambling loss. Of what could have beens. But I'll atleast have peace of mind with regards to not worrying of being found out. Peace of mind with regards to me being comfortable with myself. Atleast I will not go through the harrowing emotions of losses again. Atleast I will invest my time in more constructive direction. But for that I will need to counter the negativity of myself with positivity.