21st of October 2012- That day

So what does Sean need to start doing with his life? Living it?! That's one thing I really need to start doing, I don't do enough and it's my boredom in some ways that got me in this predicament... That's not good enough, there are things happening in this world all the time and I'm here lying in my bed bored out of my skull, in truth I have no right to be and it's up to me to change that... That's why at this stage I'm not fully the person I want to be, gambling still has a hold in that way because I've given so much of my life to it when I could have done many different things by now. They say you have to start living now but what if that's not possible, right now I have to be a sensible little sod until my finances are in perfect order... One decision got me here and one decision got me out- from that first click of a fruit machine to that day I realised I had wasted my time clicking buttons in the vain hope of 'winning'- Forgive my frustrated ramblings but my oh my how I know things could have been even I had seen sense sooner but don't expect that to stop me or wallow in my own self pity, this makes me even more determined to make sure I'm living my life to the fullest where and when possible... Live yo life, I want to go raving so bad.

Look to the future. The past oppertunities have gone, look forawrd to the new ones that await. I know what your saying about not having the money to enjoy life to the max but it'll come - patience - patience is something us CG's dont have a lot of but were changing all the time and its another quality we will slowly acquire. Although i will say if the financial side starts to get you down to much would it be possible to pay back less each month and free up some money, yes it'll mean a bit longer in debt but atleast you can life a little more each month. Although i think what your feeling right now is very common especially with christmas right around the corner, it brings a lot of great feelings but a lot of stressfull ones to. If you take a step back tho you'll realise your doing bloody brilliant and you should be proud of yourself, this is not something that can be fixed overnight but what youve acheieved so far is excellent and if you keep doing what your doing life will just keep on getting better and better.

Thanks for the response to the beginning of my diary.

I have just been through you diary and so much of it stands out and rings bells.

You have done so well and should be proud of how far you have come.

I am only on day 2 and the thought process is so crazy?

I alot of this does come down to filling time and changing thought processes?

How far do you feel your thoughts have come from day 1 until where you presently are??

Keep going and work hard....

Cheers David, just the sot of advice I need... I think as you say if I'm patient that sorts out the financial situation... I'm going to calm down about the finances a bit, they'll get sorted and I'll be able to chill out and not worry about money anymore as long as I'm not focing things- take my time, enjoy what I have now and gradually tick off my goals. Kind of like the hare and toroise. I might have a little break from the site during christmas but will still not gamble, in some weird way I like the temptation being there because I don't get that feeling of I'm missing out by not gambling, my feeling towards it is what a waste of time!

Onlineaddict, I would say from the very start of giving up I didn't fool myself about my options it was a case of give up now or give up never... If you let it become an integral part of your life then gambling will always win- if you have to change in the slightest to gamble then it'll always win. At the start I was very much focused on the gambling and what it caused and that's slowly progressed to why did I need it and then what changes do I need to make to make sure I had better ways to cope with things... My head now is at the stage whereby I want to remove the memory of gambling so that I can have that fresh start that I've been looking for... Like I said in your diary Patience and Honesty will see you through this and just be as honest as you possibly can... No mopre lies.

I read a book the other day about a gambler and he said he quit gambling for 2 months to start running a pub and he said that he didn't really give up because he was still gambling... This got me thinking, I want to start my own business and even though I don't want to gamble ever again there are still other gambles I'm going to have to take... It feels a bit like a catch 22, I have a lot of it planned out and have made sure it's as risk free as I can possibly make it. But I guess this is more than about a selfish need to gamble, this is taking a risk to make a future for not just myself but for a family and even beyond that.

Anyway less than thinking about the future, my mind is in a wicked place at the moment- it's listening, it's learning, it's getting stronger and it's being patient. I have a maze of tools, all which will lead me far and far away from gambling... It's already taken enough.

Day before payday and the first time in a while where I have spare cash and there's no worries. Almost debt free, going to keep the majority of my wages this month so that when I get januarys pay I can pay off everything and have plenty spare for the car in February. Then in March it'll be some new clothes and gadgets and then on with saving up like a mad man because I should have everything I want at that stage... Happy days! It all seems too straightforward.

I used to know a South African lady who never spent anything that she couldn't afford, even when it came to buying her house- I like that thought, relying upon nobody but yourself. I would have the same philosophy as her, if I want something then I've got to work for it- that bit of patience to know things will work out.

2 months with no gambling and it's payday today plus we're only 10 days away from 2013. Christmas starts for me on Sunday as I'll be heading up home with the family then but tomorrow will be a night on the town so that'll be a messy one. Don't really have much more to add as I'm sleepy as f*k but keep focused people and stay gamble free.

People have the power to pick you up and the power to know you down, get the right people in life and you'll always find happiness... Think I can today say that I have finally won my battle to bring myself back from the gloomy place I was... f*** who knows I may never have a family I don't need to be worrying about that just concentrate on the here and now, that's all that matters... I don't need no gambling to be on top form just need to respect the people around me and make time for them.

Hope ya had a good but messy night the other night lol.

2 months gamble free is brilliant. Really pleased for ya. Don't stop now. Keep going. Keep improving your life. It makes great reading.

Have a great Christmas. I think its great being with family at this time of year - enjoy.

MEERY CHRISTMAS!!

Christmas was everything I wanted and New Years was a bit quieter but it still had a few surprises... This'll be the first year where I won't have any sort of a bet and I'll come back on here in a years time and list all the things that I've done or what I've been able to achieve without it. The giving up gambling has been very easy, it's been the simplest of decisions to make and I'm only at 2 and a half months so far but life is so much easier already. The main thing I can say is you can enjoy life without gambling with being honest instead of weaving a tangled web. The resolution is to make sure I keep in contact with people better- I'm smiling at the thought of all the fun that'll be had. Make sure you all stay true to yourselves and use the new year as the encouragement you need to move forward with your life.

ST great last post. 2013 can be great year. Keep doing what your doing, make the right choices. It is an easy addiction to beat in many ways because the things to do not to gamble are easy to do but the mind has funny was to change your thinking and make you do just the opposite. So never let that guard down. Keep making the right choices and enjoy your new gamble free life. Stay with this site mate. It helps loads, as you well know. Be good to hear from you soon.

Hello people, been 3 months and 3 days now and I'm in the process of moving apartments on saturday so things are fairly busy... Long overdue. This past couple of weeks has been about getting everything organised with all my bits and pieces, it feels good to be in control of things a lot more- thinking back to when I'd leave myself with 2 or 3 euro before payday thanks to gambling, there was no need to struggle along like that. After the move I'll be getting the car sorted for February and then I'll have some of my freedom back to go places and do things again. Still going to the gym and think my body and my brain appreciate the excercise, gambling is inspired by boredom so excercise of any sort helps in recovery, well it helped in mine anyway. Do I think I'll go back gambling again? No... Will I remember the lessons it taught me? Yes... Strength is looking at your weaknesses and learning from them, I am a lot stronger without the gambling weakness I had. Then the other part of my story is with the ex girlfriend, we're still in contact- she called me at 12 for new years, we went for lunch a couple of weeks ago and we've kept in contact by text- I'm still unsure where it's leading, it has me confused but for now I just need to concentrate on all the good stuff happening.

No more gambling is just a way of life now, haven't given it any thought or temptation... If you're going to give up you have to accept its a problem because then you have the determination needed to beat it. I looked at all the things that gambling had disabled me from doing, it takes getting to a very low place to climb up again and a lot of looking in the mirror to see where things went wrong... All the wrong in my life lead back to gambling and I'm sure I'm not the only one who could say that. Be strong and stay focused, don't let it rule your life!

Great to hear from you. Glad all is well - I will be honest and say I was worried by your absence. Glad you getting some things sorted and that the new life is moving forward. Keep doing what your doing and remember what has helped you so far. 3 months is a monster achievement. 3 months is considered a big thing here and at GA, the time it takes to break the habit not the addiction but the habit. Sounds like that's what's happened with you. Keep up the good fight and don't be a stranger.

Hey guys, it's a Saturday and I thought I'd come on and give a little update and to hopefully try and encourage some of you starting your journey or traveling down the road to recovery. I officially quit on the 21st of October 2012 and haven't gambled since that date and to say it was a life changer would be an understatement, probably best decision I've made in my adult life. Got me an Audi A3 at the start of March, debt free since February and currently in the process of updating my wardrobe and getting as fit and as healthy as possible. Life is just generally good, meeting new people, going places and actually putting in the effort my friends deserve and getting the rewards for that with a lot of fun times and good memories. I think these past 6 months I've probably had to be a bit more selfish than I normally would be, doing things for myself a bit more. The gambling was me in a cycle, even to this day I don't have the urge to go down to the bookies and be slumming it with the other people stuck in a rut. That's all it is, it's not people searching for happiness but it's that they know no different, it's a way of life and the sooner we understand that the sooner things can change. I'm not saying I'm better than anybody but just saying those gambling for anything more than a cheeky bet are not doing it for the right reasons. It's like with an alcoholic it's a form of escapism, the problem is the signs of alcohol abuse are more evident than the signs of a gambling addiction. Loved ones around you think it's a flick of a button and it's all sorted but it's a lot more intricate than that- I would class it as a mental disease. It is a battle ground trying to overcome it, it may not be a case I've wanted a bet but I did feel at the start I had lost something fundamental to me- something I could always rely on to try and make me feel better. People can accept that you've made mistakes, well most people, it's about making sure you come back stronger and make those necessary changes so that you can start living life properly. My success was planning ahead and making small changes, changes with which each step I got further away from gambling. The thing which will stop me from going back betting? Is how far I've come in the last 6 and a half months, I was missing out and only realise that now!

Take care ladies and gents,

Sean

Hi Sean. Glad things are going well. That was a good post and very true. And thanks for your thoughts on my diary - helpful as ever. Take care and enjoy your new, better life.