22/12/12 A new start

Ben.

Well done fella. 26 days winning.

Guess you won't remember a streak lasting that long whilst at it? Me neither.

Keep making the right choice to better your tomorrow.

Hope that new flat happens without any hitches.

Duncs stepping forward never back

Found out on Friday for the leasehold we need 2 character references and a Uk banks reference letter. It's these annoying things which have in the past led me to gamble out of frustration. I hoped we would complete next week, but this has delayed it further as sorting out a bank reference letter will probably take a week- bureaucracy. Anyway, I have remained calm and will sort these relatively small final issues out.

It's just we should move out of our current place by the end of this month, so we will have to pay landlord more to stay longer which is also irritating. Anyway- it's something out of my control, so I just have to accept it.

I have been gamble free for longer than 28 days in the past, maybe a couple of months- however this time does feel different. Although I am getting a bit complacent and I must keep reminding myself how gambling almost ruined me. I cannot let that happen this time.

I guess this will be my first major milestone. 31 days (or 1 month) gamble free. I still have a long way to go but I feel better in myself. I did have the occasional thought today about gambling and know I have been in this position where I think I have beaten this addiction and almost feel a little smug. However, I know from past experiences that in someways this is a more dangerous time- I must think about how I felt the day I chose to give up. I must never forget that feeling. X

37 days gamble free. Our flat sale is taking longer than expected causing additional stress but I am coping. Also, I had an argument with my partner Over the weekend which may have caused me to gamble in the past. I have had the feeling I get before gambling the last few days- it is difficult to explain- but I became impatient, wanting instant gratification for something. I also noticed it was a full moon which has in the past led me to drink more and

Gamble recklessly. I'm not sure what the correlation is, but I know the effect is there. I am proud to still have not gambled.

Ben,

Well done on notching up 37 days gamble-free - a solid achievement already and a good basis to press on and beat the problem for good. Have just had a quick flick through your diary (although not read the lot) - evidently you and I are in similar situations. Thankfully, I don't have a baby on the way though... of course, I don't mean 'thankfully' like having a baby's a bad thing - I can't wait to be a father myself. I am just one step behind in that I don't yet have that responsibility.

The fact is I always think to myself - oh, when I'm a bit older & a bit wiser, I won't gamble because there will be too much at stake. Then, let myself down every time. Gambling pays no attention to creed / colour / background / job / family situation etc. it's just the consequences can be more severe for those who have people relying on them.

Anyway - keep up the good work pal

D123

39 days gamble free

Thanks for your comments. I understand what you mean with regards to having a child-this might be just the thing to help inspire me to give up for good this time. Although, having read others stories this is not always the case that having children makes you stop. You must do it firstly for yourself and never want to experience the horrible feeling of losing large sums of money gambling. Hope you manage to stay gamble free also.

I have a lot going on right now but I know I must not gamble. I feel content knowing that I will not gamble today.

43 days gamble free. I have not had any real urges to gamble. I have found myself drinking a lot lately, our flat has still not gone through, which is becoming frustrating. I feel good that I have not gambled, although i did have a slight feeling when I got home today and my partner was out- it would have been a time when I would have gone online and gambled. I know this could be a dangerous time and I must not believe I have beaten it yet.

47 days gamble free. I don't want to jinx myself, however at the moment I am finding it relatively easy to remain gamble free. I am still worried about completing on this flat we are buying, however I feel calmer than I have for a long time. I must not forget that sickening feeling I felt just before Christmas when I could have lost everything in my life. I do have very ocassional thoughts, for example when I bought a meal deal from greggs they gave me a free scratchcard with a 1 in 5 chance of winning food or a holiday. I did scratch the card (being an economics graduate i would be foolish to not) and did not win. It was a strange feeling and I did

Manage to separate it from gambling- although since I have gone cold turkey, I'm not sure if that counts- I just know it didn't put me in the mindset to gamble more.

Anyway, good luck to all who are trying to beat this addiction, life can be better without gambling x

50 days - half a century. It is a small milestone but I do feel progress- however also I do realize how precarious this addiction can be. I am starting to forget my past problems which can make gambling seem worthwhile again- I don't know why considering the stress it has caused me. I know I won't gamble tonight, so that is all I can do.

55 days and I haven't spent a penny on gambling. I don't know why I didn't do this before as I could be in a great position financially were

It not for gambling- as I don't spend much day to day. I have been away to the isle of wight this week.

Walking by the beach - seeing the power of the sea, appreciating the beauty of nature. I am starting to respect and enjoy life again. I think being in control of my gambling and not relying on a potential big win for future happiness is important. In some ways, I am lucky I never won very big, as I would have begun to believe I was special and would continue to win in the future.

I am scared of becoming too confident as this has led to me crashing and burning In the past. I now hope I can become the person I want to be, and make a real success of my life both personally and professionally. Although, I do know I will keep in the back of my mind that the it is vitally important not to gamble whatever happens in my life. Anybody who is just beginning this journey - The hardest time is the first week, but you must not get complacent after that- as I has done many times in the past.

Hi Ben

Just wanted to say, I have spent part of today reading lots of your diary. I would like to congratulate you on how focussed and committed you have been in this journey. In particular, the stressful situations you have encountered but have managed to demonstrate some great self control.

I last gambled on 18th Jan and experienced the worst feelings of my life after doing so. I was a little similar to you in that I too, tried to stop on a few occasions throughout 2012 by myself but relapsed, 18th Jan being the last time.

I have had no urges whatsoever as I NEVER want to feel the way I did on that dreaded day ever again!!

Well done again and the very best of Luck with your new home and the birth of your new baby.

Feb.

I agree FEB it can be strange when you have no urges for a long time, Then become complacent. Tomorrow will be 2 months gamble free!Last Tuesday I knew a local pub does a poker night and I almost

Convinced myself that I could enter with £5 and if I lose I lose, if I win great. However, as soon as I begun to think about that I started to wonder if I won the top prize should I gamble with that- go to casino etc it started ambiguous cycle in my mind which I knew many times before. I have been down to Brighton for the last couple of days. It is nice to get out of my usual routine- although I know that can be dangerous for a gambler. Last night my partner was feeling ill so she suggested I go to a pub and watch the football as I am on holiday and should enjoy. I had noticed earlier in the day we were stayingmon the seafront very close to a casino. I was tempted for a minute to go and gamble. Luckily she eventually felt well enough to go out and we had a lovely grilled fish supper. That night I dreamt that I had games and felt awful when I woke up. Anyway I am pleased to say I am still gamble free and that is the best thing I can do for my future. X

65 days gamble free. Quite stressed at the moment but know I can't start gambling ever again.

I feel terrible today. I am stressed, worn out and ill. I ate very little dinner, which is a marker for how bad I feel. I have slept from 4-6.30 this evening. My partner is meeting a friend tonight, so I hoped for a bit of quiet time on my own- then I got ill! Previously, when my partner was out I would look forward to a gambling binge. I have been concerned in the past for these days, where free time leads to gambling out of boredom. I do feel good and proud that I am still gamble free - I guess my next target will be 100 days. I know that I can't afford any slip ups and must not get complacent.

68 days gamble free.

71 days gamble free. It's not always easy but I am now in the right frame of mind. I now need to focus on making more money - I need to learn that I must focus my energy if I want to make a really successful business. I have the idea, know how it will work, I just need to go out and do it. I do work hard already but have enough time to do this by creating a website, contacts etc. I must put the time I used to spend gambling to good use if I am to be come a real success. I am glad gambling is not on my radar at the moment, I know the feeling when I may turn back to it- so I must remain calm and patient x