Complacency, drunkness, stupidness- the only words to describe my latest set back. It currently has not yet got worst but this evening I deposited £130 to an online poker company which I proceeded to lose within 10 minutes on a single hand. It has been many months (years) since I contemplated let alone bet on any types of gambling. I honestly cannot understand why tonight was the night and it gives me a stark reminder that I will never be 100% clear of this disease. I am not tempted to deposit further as I would have previously done but the loss of a fairly substantial amount of money leaves me with a feeling of waste, utter waste. Our financial situation is better than it has been for a long time which is possibly why I exploited the situation probably knowing my wife was unlikely to find out either way. It is scary and I am slightly concerned at how easy it was for me to slip back into old habits. All I can say is that for the sake of my 2 daughters that I chose the right path on this occasion because I know how bad it can get. I haven't prayed for some time but please- got grant me serenity to accept the things that cannot be changed. Courage to change the things which should be changed and the wisdom to distinguish one from the other. I know it is cliched but I really need this prayer today. If it can help me to beat this horrible disease I will survive in the long term. Good luck on your recovery.
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