39 days

so its been 39 days since i lost 3.3k on a bet, and on that day i lost i finally realised i had a problem gambling and needed to open up and face facts that i had a problem it started off with being 16 gambling and it was only like £2 every weekend that was it when soon got older and got a job and started saving money it rose to £5 no more than £10 a week and only on saturdays and on off chance tuesdays with lower football e.g championship league 1, now 25 the last probably 1 half years ive been betting bigger and bigger so instead of £5 it be £25 £50 then that rose to £100 and then £200 a time and on silly bets that dont win amazing amounts of money but the thought goes into your head you have to bet big to win big £500 £1000 was betting untill i was getting lucky with winning i was enjoying the thrill people would tell me you have a problem be careful i would take no notice of them because i was winning and getting lucky, it got worse as i would hide at home away from my partner and we would argue and not get along because i was betting and drinking to gamble that was the worse because i only bet massivly when i had drank or bored and it really affected me so one day i was evens and just couldnt walk away and i really should of it still upsets me and my anxiety hurts and i have what if flashbacks like some will, i lost £800 on silly bets i didnt even know i then went chasing so a team was top of the league at home playing bottom massive odds on but £2,500 would of won £900 so im thinking yeah £100 profit back lol not much money i know but i had the money and wanted to win, unfortuntatley that night the team lost 2.1 and i had lost in total £3,300 in one single night ive never lost that amount of money in my life and even though its been 39 days since that bet it still kills me and hurts but you cant change the past and i cant go chasing my money anymore it affected my relationship, i try stay postive i mean to some gamblers that have lost more might look at and think pftt pointless posting about 3.3k but doesnt matter how much you loose, so since i have lost the money i have opened up to many friends and family who are supporting me and i have been able to come off all online sites thats where the trouble was as betting at your fingertips, but through gamstop ive managed to fully compete a process where im took off every single gambling website and sometimes i still get eager to be and even look at bets and think what if i put this much on i can win that money back but there is only one winner and its gambling,luckily for me it was my own money and i have no debts or own a house or marriage or kids i rent a house with my partner makes no differnece if i had gambled a house car ect ect the fact is i have gambled alot of money thankfuly my fiance is still supporting me as we have had hard times, its just hard and hurts when my friends at fooball all put bets on and all win big ect and your there just thinking i could been winning or you flashback to when you won big or anything and there all gloating to eachother my mates are supportive tho as they dont gloat to me or mention betting infront of me but i am surrounded by it on saturdays when i play but i try be positve all the time. so now with 39 days no betting it feels a relief i havent bet maybe in some time i could go back to enjoying £5 a week to get that little thrill and if win like £30 think of it as my beers haha but i think it may not be worht it and im not ready to bet anymore at this moment i justhave to try stay positive i find that talking to people helps there isnt many i have spoken to who have gone through the same problem as me but would be nice to chat to someone who has gone through the same things, all i know im 3.3k down and i have to try bounce back and think to myself money can be earnt and keep a positive mind and try get back on track, be nice to hear people stories who are suffering to as i find it helps to talk to people even just for a chat, good luck and hope we all achive our targets and become stronger