444 Days - I can't go back

Well done Pot noodle, you are doing a sterling job!

My vice is (hopefully was) online slots. Never street bookies or casinos, just not my thing. However, service station machines have featured heavily in my chequered gambling past.

Your post has got me thinking though. I have GAMSTOPed for 5 years and have definitely lost the urge to gamble online. I think is has helped knowing that, in theory, I can’t even if I wanted to. However, in my current state of complacency, i’d sort of forgotten about the service station threat...

I think I am now in a good enough place that the next time I am in one, I will also be able to walk in and out with the same cash as I went in with.

Keep up the good work!

Day 307 - 58 days until my year is up.

I’m feeling so much better about myself and life in general.

I guess I was lucky to have had such a shock to my system; the thought of potentially going to prison for something I did in order to keep gambling. I’ll never forget that feeling, of trying to work out how I was going to tell my kids and grand kids that i wouldn’t be around for Christmas; it’s all I need when I think about FOBT terminals.

I have more money each month, not a lot more, but enough! And the bills get paid on time. I got my life back and I’m not ever going back to the lies and deceit of gambling.

See you at the bar,

So I’ve managed a whole year, not a single penny in a FOBT or online.

I was putting the Christmas lights out on Sunday, alone time, where I could just think. I remembered doing the exact same job last year, I was in a dark dark place, with so many worries and uncertainty. I had no job, up to my eyeballs in debt; I was having to provide the normal OTT Christmas by spending the small amount of rainy day money I had. I was scared, the choice to fight or flight had me favouring the latter.

Roll on 12 months my life has turned around, I’ve had a couple of minor ‘blips’ with the Grand National Sweepstake and a lucky dip Euro Millions; but I’m not going to beat myself up, FOBT were my poison, particularly in service stations due to my previous job being a national role. I could spend £500 in an hour, cancel a few direct debits or apply for pay day loan, and plough another £500 in in an attempt to win back the original £500, complete madness.

I got a new job in February, and whilst the role is more local, it still involves a lot of travel. On the whole I have done well when having to use service stations, I was very close to going in to the gaming area a few weeks ago, but I managed to resist. Those machines have such a hold over me, I’m not sure I’ll ever be cured, and I’ll need to be on my guard for the rest of my life.

I had tried to quit so many times before, I think I’ve been a member of this site for 10 years or so, but it took for me to hit absolute rock bottom before I could start bouncing back.

If you are just starting your journey, I wish you every piece of luck you can fine, it’s a terrible illness, and I hope you are able to find the strength to break the cycle.

See you soon,

Congratulations on hitting one year gamble free!

Brilliant post pot noodle and you’ve done brilliant to get a year down the line!

I’m just starting my recovery journey (3days in) and would love To think I can write the post you just have.

Knowing you’ve done that gives me hope and proof it can be done.

Thanks for sharing and keep strong.

Adam.

444 Days today, and it was a bit of a tough one!

I try very hard to avoid service stations, but today, I had the option of visiting Fleet North or a puddle in the footwell.

As ever I left my wallet and all cash in the glovebox. Just to remove unnecessary temptation.

After visiting the ‘littlest room’ which was larger than expected! I decided to grab a McMuffin on my way through, it was busy and so a wait of around 5 minutes was required, most of which I spent constantly glancing through the glass into the gaming area; where a poor soul was pouring £20 after £20 into the machine, in the 5 ish minutes I was there he put £60 and all I could think of was to go and take some money out of the car to try my luck!

Absolute crazy thoughts, thankfully I snapped myself out of the gaze of the bright flashy lights, and went on my merry way with McMuffin and wallet intact.

Just when you think you are getting to the stage of being an ex-gambling addict, days like today make me realise that these urges are probably never going to go away. They are getting less frequent granted, but I don’t ever see myself being cured, and I need to keep my guard and inhibitors in place for a very long time.

Love you all,

Incredible day count, well done. Well done for acknowledging the fact that you still need to limit the cash you’re carrying etc too.

Can’t congratulate you on your maccies breakfast choices however. Sausage & egg bagel all the way 🙂

Yep - the security that stand by the machines at my local service station must think I'm bonkers because at least once a week they see me attempting to navigate into the loos with my eyes tightly shut... Walking into walls and those kiddy cars along the way ;o)

But you know, whatever it takes right? :o)