Tomorrow marks 100 days since I last gambled.
I don’t think I have managed to achieve this since I was about 16!
In these 100 days I have managed to sort my finances, and agree repayment plans to clear my debt. My goal is to be debt free (other than my car finance) by the end of 2019.
I still feel urges to gamble, but I use the memory of what I could have lost (family, house, job) if I’d have continued. I nearly did something terrible in order to find my gambling, which could have resulted in prison if I’d have gone through with it.... really scared myself, and the lengths I was considering to go to to fund this habit.
See you soon!
huge congrats Pot Noodle, 100 days tomorrow is a massive achievement. Be very proud of yourself.
Wilsy
Day 105 Gamble Free
Ive been a long time lurker on this site for years! I’ve had brief periods of abstinence, maybe a month or two, but I’ve constantly been battling my demons during these times, which ultimately resulted in relapse.
The result of which has seen me spend colossal amounts over the years, that I would never ever get back, I conservatively estimate somewhere around £100k it may be more, but it largely irrelevant.
I owe around £10k in total (excluding the finance on the car), and for the first time in my adult life I feel in control of my finances. It’s payday tomorrow and the savings I put to one side this month are still intact and I still have money in my account, this may sound crazy but that’s never happened before.
I am also able to buy ‘stuff’ without worrying.... like some new garden power tools; and my fiancГ©e has been able to have hair and nails done without me cancelling a Direct Debit!
I actually feel a little in control, less stressed and finally realising the value of money. I could win £500 in one FOBT, but it wouldn’t be enough, I’d be greedy, I needed more... now instead of feeding notes into a machine I am able to use my money as it supposed to; for living life, not giving my hard earned cash to a faceless machine designed to completely rob me!
'Thank-you potnoodle, just what I needed to hear. Great work. tara2
Day 116
It’s been a tough week emotionally. Been feeling a little down but unsure as to why. In the past this has been a trigger to me to immerse myself in the FOBT world, but I avoided it by keeping myself busy, cooking nice meals, pottering around in the garden and searching for ideas as to where to go on holiday later this year.
In addition to the gambling I used to drink heavily, I managed to achieve dry January and most of February but fell off that wagon spectacularly in March... I’m not talking a bottle of Frosty Jack before breakfast, but I can easily drink a bottle of red of an evening after work. Need to get back to looking after myself physically and emotionally, before I have a wobble and gamble.
Need to deal with a few things over the next few weeks to put them to bed, and out of my daily worries.... Repayment plans for all my debts, get a holiday booked, get butlins paid for for all the family and sit down and discuss the wedding properly.... whilst some may see the last three things as nice things, I’ve still got to manage my other half’s expectations, and that’s not all down to gambling, but it certainly has not helped!
See you soon,
Day 120
It’s been a bit of a tough week at work but ultimately rewarding, my brain is fried and it’s only been a four day week!
Being gamble free is really starting to make a difference to my finances; I had an unexpected repair bill for the other half’s car, which I managed to pay without batting an eyelid! It was £180 but 6 months ago I’d be angry, only because I would have seen that money as stake, money I would waste in an effort to win big and release those endorphins my head and body desperately craved.
In addition, a member of our family is going through a tough time, meaning money is short, again we (and it is we, because I’ve been throwing away ‘our’ money in the past) were able to help them out by taking them to the supermarket to fill their cupboards, fridge and freezer. This is something I couldn’t have done previously as I would have spent all the money, and would probably have had a pay day loan arranged to feed my family.
I can’t explain how good it feels to have that little extra put by for emergencies, with my abstainence, along with the blocks I have in place to stop me from going back (which I haven’t needed to use so far), I am starting to feel like a real person again!
That being said, I need to avoid complacency, I am not cured, I can’t allow myself to undo all my hard work with a moment of weakness.
See you soon,
Day 123
Lovely weekend, with date night on Saturday and a day of sport on Sunday.
Today has been a bit of a struggle though, urges to gamble along with urges to buy wine! I’m not sure which one is driving which. Part of me says buy the wine, it’s cheaper than relapsing, but the other part is telling me I need to get a grip of this situation too before I have a real problem with another addiction! It’s all a bit ducked up! I need to deal with day to day stress in a better way than to either drink a bottle of wine, or give a bookie every penny I earn!
Taking the daughter to the gym tomorrow which I hope will help and will go out for lunch, so I need to get over this little moment of angst so that I can enjoy it all.
Will make do with sparkling water tonight, and push through to tomorrow.
See you soon,
Day 126
Booked a trip for the whole family to Butlins, to give us all something to look forward to. The grand kids will love it, and so will our kids (although theyre all adults bar 1!) as money is tight for them as they are just starting their families and finding their way in life.
What’s that got to do with gambling? Well my continued abstinence has allowed us to do it, £620 it’s costing, I’ve ploughed that into a FOBT in an hour or less trying to win my fortune! 6 roulette spins or 12 high stakes slot games vs booking a family holiday, I know what has given me most pleasure! Even if I’d have put that money in the machine and doubled it, I still would have lost it all, because I wouldn’t stop until I had!
Today was easy, tomorrow may be harder, so I need to keep my focus and not get complacent. I want to enjoy living my life without the stress of being poor due to my wobbly choices.
See you soon,
Day 131 (ish)
So I’m a reasonably fortunate individual, in that I have a decent job, which involves visiting different teams around the country. On Friday I visited Bristol, where the team was in excellent mood, and upon my arrival were in the throws of a Sweepstake for the Grand National on the following day, 40 horses at £10 each, half going to charity, half in prizes.
I found myself in a situation with very little ‘wriggle room’ and found myself handing over a crisp £10 note for the cause. I’ve been beating myself up ever since, even though I have no idea what my horse was called, or watch the event; my problem has never been with horse racing, accumulators or the sort, it’s 100% slots, mainly FOBT and online, I’m therefore declaring this minor misdemeanour as being null and void, allowing my count to continue in the right direction.
Moving onto yesterday, I had another minor wobble, when the gambling chimp inside my head floated the idea of trying to turn a small amount of cash (£50) into £500, I’ve done it plenty of times before, why not again? Plus you always seem to be lucky after a period of abstainence.... this was all driven because although my financial situation has improved dramatically, once again, it’s not quite enough to fund everything I want it too, it’s greed, no more no less.
I have a small amount saved, which I need to use for further car repairs, a few bits and pieces around the house etc, but I am also celebrating my 40th this year, and really wanted to mark it with a really nice holiday (sans kids). I’m probably about £1000 short, which I’ll be able save in 5 months, but my brain wants it now! And the chimp was shouting loud!!
Thankfully I continued to resist, although it was extremely hard not to divert to the service station on my home yesterday. I need to keep myself busy, and learn that you can’t have it all on demand, nice things are worth the wait.
See you soon,
You're doing very well, that fifty pound bet will turn into a nightmare if ur not careful. Please be strong and don't place a first bet. You will feel even better on the holiday if you save for it thru normal working means.
​
Day 181
Nearly 6 months, and whilst I’ve had a couple of wobbly moments, I’m extremely proud of myself.
My biggest issue was always FOBT, specifically at service stations when travelling for work. Whilst I can’t avoid them entirely, I do try to stop at the petrol stations rather than the actual services. Most have a toilet, and food and drink. However if I do find myself needing to go into the main building I have been leaving my wallet in the car, and taking my credit card in to get coffee etc.
Yesterday, I walked into Warwick services, and without a thought I hadn’t put my wallet in the glove box, meaning I had £180 in cash in my back pocket when I walked in, and I still had £180 when I walked out.... that wouldn’t have happened six months ago, I’d have lost £180, plus anything available via the cash point... not only that I would have lost two hours of time, and had to pay a further £15 for additional parking for the privilege!
I can’t express how proud I am of myself, but I’m also very aware of complacency, and my need to go back to ensuring I put the barriers in place ie not taking wallet into the services!
This is a terrible disease, which still has the very real potential to destroy my life again; I can’t and refuse to let that happen!
Hi Potnoodle
Congratulations on being six months gamble free, keep up the great work and keep enjoying life. I have read through your diary and noticed a reference to pay day loans. I had loads of them myself over the last 6 years and have recently been successful in claiming back a lot of the interest I paid. The refunds have helped me reduce my debts.
I found out how to make a complaint via this forum. Someone posted a website called debtcamel dot co dot uk. Lots of good and friendly advice to be found. It can take a long time to get a decision and its likely you will have to complain to the Financial Ombudsman Service to get a final decision but if you have a history of repeat payday loan borrowing for the sake of a few letters it may be worth the investment in time. Don't be put of by having a decent salary and by having a gambling addiction, I have both and was still fairly successful with refunds. Today I am 307 days gamble free having gambled consistently for over 30 years and having lost similar huge sums as yourself.
The only warning I would give is it can be fairly depressing going back through all your bank statements to see how many pay day loans you have had and how much interest you have paid.
I hope you take this post in the spirit it is intended.
46 and Out
Thanks for your comment 46 and out! I have been down that road and received a nice refund from Wonga.... not quite enough to make me debt free, but it’s reduced it to about £3000! We worth the effort.
Day 193
I nearly crumbled today.... took every ounce of my being to walk out that service station without plugging my hard earned cash into one of their machines.
But leave I did.... quickly.... and went to the drive through Starbucks instead of hanging around letting my chimp convince me I might win!
Work has become very stressful, and I think there is a subconscious desire for me to escape, I need to find another way to turn off when I’m away from home.... need to think hard about what I can do.
I’m a week away from 200 days... Another milestone to aim for.
See you soon,
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