5th Relapse

Please call and talk to someone. Call stepchange as well. Sign up to gamstop. Irrresponsible lending, look it up and see your options. Please look for a solution. Also give up access to money, it’s the only way.

Hi Ryan,

As per the post above, please give someone a call including Stepchange. 

I was in a similar position to yourself 3 weeks ago. Multiple payday loans, loans, credit cards maxed out. I called Stepchange who were a godsend and have managed to sort my finances. It's a long road ahead but I am determined. 

Don't do anything stupid as that would make things ten times worse !! You have a loving family at the end of the day which is more than anything in the world.

I am here if you want to talk.

Ryan

Reach out and talk and options will emerge I promise. You are in the eye of a painful storm but Dave intimated things can and will change with a bit of breathing space. Try not to mentally solve every issue yourself instead reach out and put the initial steps in - and then in a few weeks you will look back and whilst every problem won’t be solved you will see a way forwards

FWIW - I’ve been in position of thinking I’d lose home family and career but now I look back and no my children were better off having me around warts n all than losing a father 

Please reach out for help

Hi Ryan,

I would like to echo above posts. 

Take a deep breath...I know that situation you find yourself  in, is very overwhelming and desperate but let me assure you - there is a way out!

Please don't make drastic decisions. Phone someone,  talk through  the options  (there are many), gather your thoughts  and draw that line. Help yourself and continue  chipping  away at the road to recovery.  It's the least you deserve. 

I  can also guarantee you that permanent  solution  to temporary  problem you are talking  about, will only destroy  all your family and loved ones. I unfortunately  seen too many of the same and please believe me when I say it causes an awful pain and devastation.  Your family  and especially  the little one you have truly deserves dad here and now. Please don't let the thoughts  take over your rational  thinking .

There is a way out, maybe not easy and straightforward  but at least you will be able to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Improvement will be made.  Finances can go unstable  irrespectively of the problem  we may have. Its only money...you cannot buy presence of someone who is loved, cared for and appreciated.

Please call someone, don't  give up on yourself  now

S&B xx

I won't say I know how you feel, because I don't. I won't say simply don't do it, because that would be trite and probably not be effective. I will say that you have written the key to the solution in your post where you say "to give them the best start". This means that you have the best interests of your loved ones in mind. This is the key. Think about what would be best for them as this is your motivation. The best thing for them is that you do what the responders in the above posts have suggested and reach out to talk to someone who is professional and knows how to help. Don't delay. The sooner you seek help the better.

Hi Ryan, 

I am really sorry to hear how you have been struggling, I would encourage you to reach out for some support with this, we are open 24/7 so please do come through on the phone 0808 8020 133 or live chat and we can help you with this. I would also encourage you to contact your GP for some mental health support and you can also reach out for mental health support through :

Mind: www.mind.org.uk   0300 123 3393

Samaritans: www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-help/contact-samaritan 

The calm zone: www.thecalmzone.net 0800 58 58 58

You can also reach out for some debt support through 

Stepchange: https://www.stepchange.org/

Payplan: www.payplan.com/gamcare

Please follow the guidance above that’s for sure Ryan!

Hello Ryan, 

I felt like I needed to post when I seen your story. I was once where you are now. I also had a career in the Finance Insdustry so understably when deep into my addiction last year I got into severe debt to the tune of £49,500. On top of this I lost also a savings of around £12k and all of this was just under a year. So when the monthly payments kept just taking all my wages in whole- I too contemplated ending everything and ending my life as I knew I couldn’t keep up with the payments and getting into some sort of payment plan will be the end of my career. But I had to stay strong, I contacted Stepchange and finally I could breathe again. I did have to face the music, and I knew just before I had the plan in place, I had to start looking for a new job. But you know what Ryan, I’ve never been happier in my new job! I’m no longer in the world of finance but I love my new job so much and have more time for myself too. The point is Ryan- what you think might be the end of the world isn’t really the end, there’s a new better beginning just waiting for you around the corner. Trust me this will all pass, the debt will be repaid…. And can I say I’m so glad every month it makes me so happy that the debt is slowly getting repaid and no more further debt is added on because the best thing about it is my credit rating might get shot to pieces- but I can no longer get any more debt which is absolutely fine by me. I love budgeting what I have now and have more money to spend on myself and loved ones. Stepchange is a lifesaver- and guess what, I have another 8.5 years to go for only a few mont of this if stupidity but I no longer think about this…. The feeling of despair will pass, trust me I was there. Please hang on… it will get better. It can be really much worse… look at me have another 8 years to go! Trust me the feeling goes away, of course the feeling of regret is always there but trust me, you find happiness in the most important things everyday and still will. I certainly do! Take care 

I also want to add I am 35, so we are similar in age. I like you had many different bank loans, 3 credit cards all maxed out, and bank loans of thousands and thousands of pounds like I said £49,500! Hahaha Ryan, there is no bigger idiot than me here trust me, yet I found the will to live again. Stepchange really quite literally saved my life. I was in a very dark place so I really I understand how you are feeling. I was really nearing my own demise, I just don’t want to be more detailed about it to avoid upsetting anyone here but yes, it was all ready to go and I was ready to carry it out and thank God I did not. It took once call to Stepchange, phoned all the banks I owed money too, I explained my situation and told them I had an addiction and everyone understood. Not a single creditor rejected my offer and that’s how my plan was out in place last year initially for 9 years and look, I’ve already chipped away at it these last few months. What surprised me is when I stopped gambling last year September, it only took 2 months to get back on my feet again and I really started living again. I thought really that my life was doomed for the next 9 years I have to pay almost £500 every month but even that doesn’t stop me from living today. I am proud that I am paying them back- a reminder every month how damaging gambling can be. I thought losing the job I loved will also be the end of everything but really it’s not! Life is good and peachy and you will find that too. You discover another you, uncover another layer in you that you never knew existed. There’s better days to come and I am proof of that. If this idiot can still sing in the shower and smile everyday- you can too! And they said my debt will all be paid off by the time I’m 42, oh well… not a problem… life begins at 40 and even now at 35, I’m already starting to really live again…. What a big joke gambling is really, don’t let them win! You are the true winner here you will see, just need to get passed this trust me. 

There's lots of help available and they are really good. Please reach out for the help. A few months ago I thought I would never be able to stop. But I did and you can too. But you need support, you can't do it alone. Ask for the help. Once you've made that step everything seems much more positive. It's such a relief. You are in a desperate place right now but I can assure you that things do get easier. Day by day that's all  you can do....but it does work. Trust me. 

@ryan_23 I know how you feel. You think it can’t be fixed, the family are better off without you, you cannot stop so what’s the point?

You are wrong. Wrong on every level. Forget the money, that can be sorted out. There’s people who can advise and show you solutions and make sure you have enough money for you and your family to live on.

You can also stop this. I’d like to hear more about why this is your 5th relapse and how you have tried to help yourself before. I know that I can help.

There is not one family who were happier that the father was gone just because they had money. Those I know who have tried to end it all say the same thing. They regretted it the moment they did it. You might feel like this now but it will pass. Your family will never get over you if you do something to yourself and you’ll be breaking your children/child for years to come.

You need help and there are people who can give it to you.

GA. Gamcare. Counsellors. Step change. Your family. Your doctor. 

If nothing else, stay on here, talk about your feelings, start again. It can be done. 
Be brave, find out how.

Chris.

Hi,

Please believe me. Things will improve. It will take time but don't let give up.

I was swamped in debt with similar volumes of loans, cards, overdrafts etc... I wrote to all of my creditors and made formal complaints requesting refunds. Many of them followed through and refunded me. 

Oranje

@absentee 

Hi

Thank you for sharing your pains fears and frustrations of your child so open with us.

My father was suffering from PTSD even before he went to war.

Once mum and dad got married he turned his aggression towards me and mum.

That aggressive abusive emotional and physical painful behaviour happened to us both up to 8 years of age.

Then she took me and we went from Calgary to England and sadly thing got even worse and more emotional pains and abuse.

One can understand that with all that suffering we both learned to live our life in our fears.

I was escaping to the coast for the day for fruit machines from a very early age.

Now understanding my recovery what I wanted from my parents and adults was healthy intimacy nurturing affection and encouragement. 

This was not going to happen because they carried so much emotional baggage through their life.

I met up with my mother just before she died.

In her I saw my pains and my fears and I understood that I did not want to live in regret having said some thing which was both healing for both of us and also reduce her fears.

The wording I used was in our lives there were some very unhealthy things said or done to us and I want you to know that our past is no longer important, what is important is that today I love you unconditionally, the past is not who we are today.

Mum had a stroke and could not talk before this time, how ever after our sharing she opened up with more affection than ever before in her life.

Also her smile was so open and broad.

Mum told me in later years of my life that she was unable to nurse me as a young baby.

I said Mum I already knew that, she was very confused and unsettled, yet I understood also that she had felt so much guilt and shame though out her life.

She questioned how I knew, I said it was not important, I just knew, more questions than answers.

Yet after that surprise to her the fears and guilt dropped in her some what. 

My parents never got divorced during her life.

I met with my father when I was middle aged and on an occasion I set a healthy boundary my father respected.

One peace of advise was to heal I needed to say that I loved every person that hurt me.

This does not need to be dome in person or even to a live person.

I went to my father resting place think I would to him I loved him.

I got there said Ernie I love you and instantly felt a stabbing pain in my throat.

I was very surprised by this very stabbing pain, then I repeated saying it again and again.

Then was no more pain.

I have been back several times since and again Ernie I love you no pain what so ever. 

My father totally gave up on him self.

He lost all intimacy with all people and with him self.

His addictions and obsessions consumed his life.

In him I saw myself and my destiny in my life.

I feared going to see him and yet in some way he helped me.

My recovery is about healing my pains.

My recovery is about facing my fears.

My recovery is about reducing my unreasonable expectations of people life and situations.

My recovery is about becoming healthy and having healthy interactions and intimacy my self and other healthy people..

My recovery is about becoming more productive in healthy ways.

My recovery is about exchanging unhealthy habits in to healthy habits.

The only person that limits me is me.

In my recovery that changed.

Love and peace to every one.

Dave L

AKA Dave of Beckenham

Admin. I hope you are able to contact the original poster directly. If the OP can’t reply then I think admin, in their capacity, should provide feedback if possible. 

The most pressing question is is @ryan_23 okay?
Chris.