6 Years On: Facing Forwards

Thanks for your comments guys - appreciate the words of support. Realizing this is very much a community, and that the more you put in / contribute, the more people are there to look out for you and offer words of advice.

My mood has picked up in the past days - nothing drastic, but an improvement nonetheless. I'm always cautious because I don't want to go over the top, then find myself bitterly disappointed/depressed when things dip a little, or I start thinking too much about the money I've lost and the damage I've done. Saw a quote from a football manager the other day, explaining he tries not to get carried away with the 'highs', nor overly down about the 'lows'. In the early days of recovery, I think this is a good mantra. Anyway - today I'm doing OK!

One other quote that came from a GA meeting I went to recently, that has been bouncing around in my head ever since: Albert Einstein: 'The definition of insanity is doing the same things over and over again, and expecting different results'. It's completely logical, and completely contradicts the way most of us gamble.

Good luck to all,

D123

Hi desperate,

I love that saying and it defiantly rings true when we gamble.

Someone once said at one of my g.a meetings all we ask you to do is not place that first bet? Sounds so simple but then why should we try to complicate things.

Your doing well, keep going

Take care

Blondie

Hi D.

Thanks very much for the post on my diary.

I've just been catching up on yours and you are doing great. I'm about 20 days behind you in recovery and I hope it stays that way forever! Good to see you are feeling a bit cheerier. It's taken me a while but I think I am starting to feel better abut things too. There is only so much time we can spend beating ourselves up over past mistakes. Time to take a bit of pride in putting those mistakes firmly in the past instead!

Did you finish that Robert Enke book? That's one I have fancied reading myself but have not got round to it. I will give it a read sometime this year I think.

Keep strong D. Don't ever allow yourself to get complacent. As you say it only takes 1 bet for it all to come crashing down. I have confidence in you not placing that bet ever.

D123

Many thanks for your post.

Continued best wishes,

gazza

Thanks guys for your contributions.

Day 71 for me and still finding it quite easy to keep the beast at bay. Yesterday was a 'down' day - particularly aimless/frustrating day at work when a couple of things fell through. Having said this, I'm trying to accept that I am the only one in charge of my own happiness/destiny. It's easy to wallow and think 'I'm depressed and there's nothing I can do about it' or 'the whole world is against me' but all of us make decisions on the positivity to bring to each new day.

Looking forward to the weekend. Big cup match for my Saturday side tomorrow.

Keep up the good work everyone

D123

D123,

Thanks for the post on my diary. I have been away from the site for a while so have only just read your diary for the first time. Great diary. Interesting and honest account. We are similar in many ways. Like you, I have periods of gambling and then stop only to return at a later date and have another week or two of absolute madness. Recently, I went ten months and thought everything was fine forever. As you previously mentioned, I have the benefit of that experience and no what works and what doesn't. As for you, you will conquer this. You come across as an intelligent individual and I am sure you will put in all the hard work and preparation required for success.

Tomso.

Well done D123 for staying gamble free. Keep up the good work. Let's put this behind this and never look back.

Another weekend of gamble-free life passes by.

Had a big night out Saturday after football... still feeling the effects of this / coupled with the grim nature of a Monday morning at my desk(!)

Would have been much tougher if I'd be ploughing money into online roulette all weekend though!

Keep up the good work everyone

D123

Hi D123

Thanks for your post, appreciated it really is. Football / beer /women any any particular order combined are dangerous. Add gambling and hell you have disaster, great to see your doing so well. So many better things to with your money yeah ? As you have seen in my posts i have been having a little bit of a wobble, luckily i have not gone back to the hell of it all. Keep up the G3 , all the best , Dark Place P.S i will be 100 days Friday, cannot believe i will have made it there.

Another couple of days trickle by gamble-free. Still having little difficulty steering clear this time round. 10th March will be 90-days but as I've said before, I'm not overly fussed about counting the days. I've abstained before and can do it again.

This time round, I need to focus on addressing what's underneath my addictions/depression. Really important that I make a 'fearless moral inventory of myself' (financial as well - but that one's easier: I'm just pretty f****d!). The last couple of days have been a real slog - nasty cold and feeling the excesses of a heavy weekend. I'm keeping in mind that I shouldn't get too down with the lows / nor too over-the-top with the momentary highs. Enjoying the calmness and serenity this brings.

I've mentioned on here that I've also been seeing a counsellor - well I discontinued it with my final session this morning. Not because it hasn't been useful (it has), but it's just costing me an arm and a leg (money I'm borrowing) and I'm keen to take full control of my recovery moving forwards. I know from experience this is an easy time to become complacent - in the past, when I've gone it 'alone', I've thought I've cracked it - thought getting better was as simple as not gambling. This time round will have to be different - still going to be focused on self-directed learning / reading / getting down to some GA meetings / addressing the 12 steps more closely / contributing to this forum.

Still, breaking away from counselling can be liberating/daunting in equal measure. I'm more than capable of continuing progress, but will have to remain pro-active and avoid complacency to keep stepping onwards and upwards.

Good luck to all - let's stay gamble-free!

D123

Hi D123

Hopefully continuing to log on here and expressing yourself will help you guard against any complacency. We all know it's there. We just need to retrain our brains so that gambling just has no place in our thoughts.

Thank you so much for all your thoughts and comments on my thread. You amongst others have helped me to over 100 days gamble free and all your comments are very much appreciated.

G

Good to hear you are doing good and staying free. I understand your decision to stop seeing counsellor as I couldn't see myself paying for those sessions when finances aren't good. But judging by your last entry you know exactly what you have to do to keep away from gambling.

Just remember stay on that road everyday! And keep posting as you are giving great support to others.

D123,

Thanks for the post on my diary. You are doing well with your recovery and with time things will get better and better.

I am impressed that you have ran two marathons. It is something I have always wanted to do but my football has always got in the way. How long did you train for and how many runs do you recommend having per week. Most marathon schedules usually recommend running six times per week or at least five. I've got two young kids and this will be challenging but last year I ran early in the morning before work and quite enjoyed this. To be honest I will be lost without my football and this is why I need to comitt to something quick. I really believe that playing roulette can be an attraction when I am not involved in other things. My recent slip happened when I couldn't train for four weeks due to injury. I seem to get bored and that is when I find myself returning to gambling.

Keep up the good work.

Tomso.

Nearing three months since I last gambled - since I was last in the grips of my arch enemy. Still making painstaking process, gradually piecing things back together. As I've said before... I'm determined to really get to grips with what lies beneath my my addiction/depression - not gambling (and not relying on other vices I've developed) is no real problem to me, at least in the short-term. This time, I'm determined to fully understand why I always end up back with the beast so to speak.

Procrastination is certainly one of my biggest enemies. Having said that... I work quite hard, play football 2-3 times a week, do a lot of long-distance running, see my mates etc etc... but there's always this 'other'. I remain constantly chasing this elusive high/buzz that gambling brings. Of course, I'm adult enough to live without it, but my real aim (my 'fantasy' if you will) is some day reaching a point where I don't feel I'm lacking something. After all, I am relatively young, fit, healthy, have a fantastic fiancee, my own business, and many wonderful friends. In other words, there are lots of great things in my life. Hopefully one day I'll reach a point where I truly appreciate them and don't feel a constant need to escape into something else.

Anyway, I've rambled on a bit there. No gambling for me! Keep up the good work everyone

D123

Hi D123,

many thanks for your post on my diary, it really helped to pick me up an set me on my way again. i have just been reading through your diary and can completely agree with the feeling that something is lacking even though you we have many things that normally constitute a 'perfect life'. As CG's we always want more and this seems especialy true about people who have a good imagination.

I don't think the answers is to ignore thse cravings for something different but instead to try to tackle them by doing something different or taking up a new hobby.

Massive congratulations on almost 3 months gamble free, i am just 1 day in and can only dream of reaching 3 months, but dream I shall and you have shown that with hard work and determination it can be achieved.

Paulds