6 Years On: Facing Forwards

Dear diary... On Sunday I'll be 3 months gamble-free. I've played this down in a lot of my previous posts, since I've abstained for long periods in the past, and have had little trouble doing so again this time.

Someone wrote something on here the other day that made sense to me. The longer you go on not gambling, the more you have invested in recovery / and the more there is to lose if you go and slip-up. This time round, I've contributed a lot to the forum, done some counselling, and (think!) I've done a lot of thinking/soul-searching around the reasons behind my gambling. So in that sense - it's true - every day that passes it seems like I am further distanced from the risk of slipping up, since I would be un-doing/disregarding a lot of the work I've done in the past 3 months. The real difficulty (as I've mentioned before) is when this positivity eventually makes way for complacency. That's why it's so important I keep contributing on here, and making the positive changes elsewhere in my life.

This week itself has been pretty average. My birthday on Tues (getting old!) passed off with little fanfare. But I'm happy with that. Work is a drag, but looking marginally better than it was a few weeks ago. Somewhat frustratingly, I work in an industry where big deals balance on the line for some time (then, 9 times out of ten, come to nothing), which is a bit 'all or nothing' - and much like gambling in many ways. I've accepted it's not the best long-term option for me... but for the time-being, it may offer some way out of my debts - albeit with that time being at least 12-18 months away.

Thanks all for reading, and keep up the good work

D123

Hi desperate,

Well done on nearly reaching the 3 month milestone gamble free, you get out of recovery what you put into it Nd and things,get tough or complacency sets in I always try and think about how much time I,put into gambling , something that destroyed everything it. Touched. Now I'm building for the future , keep investing in your future desperate your worth it,

Take care

Blondie

D123

Many thanks for your post.

Keep making the right choices.

Best wishes,

gazza

Just needed to come here and vent some frustration...

A big deal I've been dedicating a lot of time/energy to at work just fell through at the last minute. In truth, I've pinned quite a lot of hope on it. The nature of my work is like this... you put a lot of time & energy into things and they can blow up in your face at the last minute. This one has fallen through for reasons outside of my control, and through no fault of my own.

The difficulty is that I've spent a long time in the industry being a top-performer - making big cash / being a great success. The past 4-6 months have been particularly barren, and in a competitive market things are only becoming more difficult. There is only one thing I can do... dust myself off, and go again. I've spoken before about how this job is a way out of debt for me - but it can be utterly soul-destroying at the same time.

I wasn't sure where to vent my frustration... so I've come on here. I don't suddenly feel the need to resort to gambling - I know that can only bring pain and misery. But the damage I've done, and the crippling debt I now find myself in, increases the pressure and anxiety I feel from day-to-day.

Anyway... rant over. These things happen. I'll get nowhere feeling sorry for myself.

3 months on Sunday

D123

very similar to myself. your are doing great

Michael

Thanks Michael; another point I wanted to make whilst it was fresh in my mind - is that good things happen to good people.

What I mean by this is simple. I don't believe in God / any great power managing what happens in the world... but someone once mentioned this theory to me at a GA meeting. Kind of like karma... Keep doing the right things for long enough, and good things will happen to you. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow - but they will happen. Not only am I steering clear of gambling, I've knocked a pretty intense cannabis habit on the head as well. The temptation is to fall back into one of those two vices - but deep down I know that if I persist, things will go my way eventually.

Keep up the good work people

D123

Hey Desperate,

Congrats on the 3 month mark. Your doing great! I like your post above, alot like the "Golden Rule" Do onto others as you would like others to do onto you. Simple but can be applied to all aspects of life. Stay strong.

Chicagoguy

Back to my desk - was a bit of a struggle overcoming that horrible Monday morning feeling this AM. I actually got up 10 mins earlier than usual, and sprang out of bed with the alarm... I'm realising that hitting snooze 5 times and delaying until the last minute doesn't help - for various reasons. Still - may well be back to doing that again tomorrow...

Anyway, on Friday I lost out on a big deal at work. Since my last 'break-down' I'm yet to close any business (in my hey-day I was smashing out 2-3 deals per month minimum). Therefore, my 'recovery' seems a lot slower this time, and a good deal more frustrating - simply because I've yet to start making in-roads into the financial mess I've left myself in.

I'm trying to stick to that mantra that good things happen to good people - and soon enough I'll be rewarded for persistence / doing the right thing. Also... although it seemed like a relatively dull weekend, the football team I manage had a good win, I spent some quality time with the in-laws, and managed to take my mum to lunch for mothers' day. Added to that, I didn't go out on the smash (as I usually do on a Sat) so I don't have the two day hangover / fatigue to deal with this morning.

Finally, yesterday I hit the 3-month mark. 90 days since my life was a crippling whirlwind of losing money / not sleeping / lying to my fiancee / and generally making things unmanageable. I only gambled for 6 days - but those 6 days left a painful and indelible mark on my soul. Abstaining has been easy... the process of rebuilding myself will take time however.

Good luck everyone

D123

Procrastination is one of my biggest enemies. Unfortunately, spending time on this forum is becoming exactly that - an escape from work at my desk.

Having said this... I can think of far less productive ways of avoiding work (in the past, it's been gambling). Still draw strength & inspiration from reading posts on here.

Day 92 for me today

D123

Hi D123

Many thanks for your post. That first welcome back is ever so heart-warming. Very appreciated.

Very pleased to see you have made it to day 92. One week to go until the century!

The most I have gone these past six years is 35 days and then went crazy over £10.00 on Leeds Rhinos. It just goes to show how easy this thing of ours is triggered off.

Like me, you appear to be a professional, and work can help us forget to gamble or gamble can help us forget to work. I am also focusing work at the moment which has helped me to day 3.

Better get back to work. Hope that day 100 comes soon.

Best

Mark

Hi Desperate. Thanks for your post on my thread. I have just caught up with yours. Well done for getting so far and picking yourself up. At the moment I know I am not going to gamble. No urges, no interest, nothing. My life is the best it's been in memory. I really hope that this is it but like you I have had extended periods of abstinence before the insane binges. I know I can never let boredom tempt me back. This time for me it has got be forever. Please stay strong we need to all be success stories for each other. Well done again!

Right now I cannot buy a bit of luck...

In the past few days, 3-4 big deals I've been working on at the office have disintegrated in-front of my eyes. Through no fault of my own, and for reasons completely outside of my control.

Trying to maintain that mantra that good things happen to good people... and that if I keep plugging away, things will come together. Need to keep reminding myself of the progress I've made (particularly not falling back into gambling) but I always link my personal recovery to my financial one. At the moment, I'm in as much debt (if not more) than when I stopped, over 3 months ago.

Tough times. Must be adult about this.

D123

Hi D

Really sorry to hear that you are having a bad time of it at the min, I know the feeling! Just keep reminding yourself that no matter how much debt you are in now, that could become increasingly worse if you turn to gambling!

Take a breath and keep that chin up.

Take care Feb.

Hi Desperate

You are using too short a period of time to look at your financial situation. Firstly your debt level has prob not greatly changed from 3 months ago. Literally you could not spend money at the same level as you gamble. Also you may have lost less in business as you are clued in, things are just not going your way. I have a massive hole in my head at the moment with business however it is incomparable to my gambling losses.

Michael

FEB / Michael,

Thanks for your comments - which are appreciated. It's true that my situation would be immeasurably worse if I'd spent any time/money gambling in the past three months.

Small things (loan & interest payments / car insurance / social events) seem like a huge burden at the moment - as I am scarping the barrel for accessible funds.

It seems quite ridiculous that I stress over £50 here, or £100 there - when during a gambling binge I'd lost thousands in minutes - literally. In my deepest, darkest moments, I've placed £2,000 on one spin of the roulette wheel. Disgusting, shameful amounts when I look back on it, but this is the reality, and I am totally committed to never returning to that person who would be so reckless.

Keep up the good work everyone.

D123