A commitment to recover

Sounds very familiar, for myself, it's online table games, particularly roulette.

Today is also the day that I've said, enough is enough and I've started the same journey as yourself.

Stay strong 

I have made the same decision tonight after losing all the money I have left on football games I had convinced myself were “sure wins”. I am tired of letting this habit consume me. A year ago I was a different person, financially stable and made smart choices with money. I can no longer recognise myself, losing money has also led me to turn to alcohol which I am afraid might led to an addiction of its own. This desire to win big to solve all of my problems, I realise is extreme and unrealistic. I have loved ones who rely on me for support and sometimes I convince myself into thinking I am doing it for them, with an exact figures on how I plan to split the money from my win. I have attempted to stop once before, I managed to go without betting for about 3 weeks but then things slowed down at work and I lost my earnings. I became desperate once more and quickly fell back to old habits. I am determined more than ever to quit because I have hit a new low, borrowing from friends who I am aware are struggling to feed their families due to the high cost of living, lying to them just to fund my gambling habit. I am ashamed and I do not want to be this person anymore. No more!!! 

I am nearing the end of day 3. To some it may not be big, but to me this was what started it.  

I finish work at 10pm and have over an hour to kill before my bus home. A new arcade opened up round the corner from work. I would start using it £20, then £40, it would escalate and lead to me being in the position I am now.

Tonight, the first time after making the commitment I finish work at 10pm.  I have a choice, I am only 3 days in, £20 won't hurt, I will start again tomorrow. I have no late shifts.

I walk around , thinking where else can I go, I double back and think, it's only £20.  No, I must be cold turkey, £20 in the grand scheme of things is a lot, even 50p.  So stop in my tracks, turn around and head to a bar where they had some love music. 

I am now sat with a pint, cost me £5.40. It will last the 45 minutes I now have left, the music is great, and I am smiling. Tonight feels like a big win!!! 

Going cold turkey is a really difficult thing to do with this addiction as it relies on willpower, and most problem gamblers who understand this will say they have no willpower when it comes to gambling. We think it is a sign of weakness so a lot of people can’t admit it, but it’s not, it’s just the illness is too strong. 
Try to find a GA meeting to help you or talk to the counsellors at Gamcare.

Also be careful in that warm pub with a pint. Pubs have machines in them so don’t get caught passing the time by watching them. What happens if you watch someone lose hundreds? Is it due to payout? It’s easy to trick yourself into just £20 to get the jackpot, then you start chasing it.

Try to find an alternative way. Maybe stay at work until 5 minutes before the bus is due?

Good luck though.

Chris.

Today is the day I stop.

my partner has heard it so many times. Given me money to clear credit cards. But today I feel like I could run away. I feel ashamed and discussed with myself. I have a good life and I have nearly ruined it all. But today it stops ?

@chris-uk thanks for those words. 

Staying in work isn't an option as it shuts down at that time. But I understand what you say, it never happened but I will think of this if the desire ever comes. 

Today marks 1 week.  1 week without a bet. 

Yes there have been times when I have been tempted, but all in all it has been good week. I have been very productive in the garden, have done plenty with the family and had my mind elsewhere. Keeping busy I was told is key, and that's what I have been doing. 

Roll on week two and into May!