A Diary of My Gambling Life - Rotting Away

Hi Urgh,

Know excatly how you feel but youve done 7 months so you know what it takes,put the stabilisers back on and take the first step again,make sure you self exclude again as this obviously helped last time and get to your doctors to deal with the depression and anxiety.

Try and get out and about more even if its a walk in the park to beat the isolation,some fresh air and sunshine may help you to feel less down.

Keep posting and fighting and as you know the feelings of regret and anger at what you lost will start to pass.

Stay Strong

E xx

Hi there

Welcome to this supportive site sorry to hear of ur relapse know how hard it is having done that myself , u have made a great start by doin diary the support u will receive is amazing , read other diaries and see how people like urself av turned their lives around , on here everyone understands what ur goin through and how hard it is , u were gamble free for so long take strength from that look at how u managed it and try to get that determination back , accept the money has gone its the only way or u will always be chasing ur losses , in the end it's all bout choices whether to gamble or not ultimately only u can make that decision but assure u all the support is here to help u succeed

Best wishes on ur road to recovery

Castle2

Thanks for the replies, for some reason I can't bring myself to self exclude, but I know that is what I have to do.

Did the weekly shopping, it cost me under £8, still thinking about the 1k I lost last night and what I could've bought with it.

I thought I should just keep on driving and go to the casino, but I didn't.

I also have some sports clothes I bought earlier in the week, wondering if I should return them, they only cost £30.

Other than that, I have the weekend with nothing to do other than to fight this feeling

Thanks

Hi Urgh. I know the feeling you are having very well. I've screwed up so bad that I'm not qualified to give advice but just want to say hang on! You certainly aren't alone.

You really must get those blocks in.

Do you really want to go back to those evil sites again?

Do you really want that stress of losing big again?

Do you really want to give all of your money to greedy gambling bosses?

Then please self-exclude! There really is no shame in doing it, it is what you really need to do mate.

GT

Guys, not good. I dropped another £700 today, so I've lost around.... 3-4 months salary in a month and a half.

I barely make minimum wage. I am teetering on the edge, I just hope I can overcome this.

After dropping that £700 I did what I had to do, and banned myself form that damned casino.

The stress of losing so much will be so hard to get over, I don't know what to do, how to go through my daily life knowing I dropped all that money, and will have to live on soup and porridge for a long time.

I think work is a nightmare, its so boring, and all I think about is what I lost, I don't ever smile and I am not eating very well.

"Thanks for the replies, for some reason I can't bring myself to self exclude, but I know that is what I have to do."

Just out of interest, did you know that your self exclusion was about to end? If you did you obviously wanted to go back. If you didn't then you should have self excluded straight away. We are all only one bet away from self destruction and that is why we must have blocks in place.

You have two choices. Either carry on betting hoping to try and win back what you have lost or give up gambling and surrender. Your choice will decide your future. Take this experience as a warning.

Hey there, i have recently been 6 weeks bet free and then over the past 3 weeks lost £1200!!!

which is alot of money for me! i am absolutely gutted and determined to make another go at it!

i have said it before but really hope i can make this the last time! was hoping for a summer holiday but that now looks like a distant dream!

Hey luky thanks for the reply, good luck on your recovery, I will check out your diary now

I've wpoken up with that stupid urge, and it is really strong. I forgot I self esxcluded from the casino... the bookies seem tempting now.

I just don't know what to do... I'm going on netline now, hopefully it will stop me.

Self exclude from every bookies within 30 miles! Get rid of your debit card for a cash card,is there someone u trust who could take care of your finances?

Make it impossible for you to gamble,I know its easier said than done,but you gota put them blocks in place,you're never gona win,and if you did it would never be enough. Get of the merry go round of chasing lost money,the money has gone,the quicker you accept that,the easier you will find things. Good luck mate,you don't need a hobby that involves giving your well earned cash away.

Can't win said it all really.

Like I said before, you really do need to get those blocks in.

Shout to yourself "I MUST NEVER SET FOOT IN ANY OF THOSE HELL-HOLES AGAIN!" once you have been in and done those forms.

Get yourself going on a self-exclusion project.

NT

these urges will get easier with time. i cant really speak now with my recent relapse. but as time goes on the urges will become less strong!

keep up the good work, stay away from those bookies and casinos

Feeling really bummed out, have to work tomorrow. I have spent the whole Easter doing nothing, thinking about that Good Friday loss.

I wanna tell my family (I don't mean wife or kids, as I don't have any) but I don't think I can. That is a certainty.

I know that for me there is a self destructive element to my addiction, I am harming no-one but myself, because I am alone, and have no wife or kids, or anyone that relies on me. I don't think highly of myself at all.

Hi Urgh

I can relate a lot to what you have said as i'm sure many others can.

I have no family or support network around me either and suffer from very low self esteem and don't feel very highly of myself either..

Sometimes when i've done what i've done its like i've been doing it because its my chance to escape from it all... Gambling in a crazy kinda way always makes me feel normal again. I've in my mind always seemed to be happiest when i've been lost in the mess that is gambling.. Also gambling takes centre stage, nothing else matters. All my other problems/worries whatever seemed to be forgotten about just for them few hours or days.

This illness truly messes with your mind and flips it all over the place.

I'm now trying to look at things in a different way. I know that gambling is just fueling the fire so to speak and at the end of yet another binge and another 2 grand lost that things will be worst than they ever were before.

Theres only ever one ending to gambling and we all know what that is..

Stopping gambling is'nt going to solve all my issues i know that but i do know that without the gambling part in my life i have a chance to move on and so too do you..

Put some of the advice that others have given you into place..

See your GP, change your bank account so you only have a basic cashcard, limit your access to money. Don't give yourself the chance to act upon the urges..Exclude and close and block your accounts...

I didn't head a lot of this advice and just went round and round for many years..Just one big vicious circle..

You can beat this Urgh, please keep posting and remember we are all fighting this with you..

Takecare