A Diary of My Gambling Life - Rotting Away

Hi Urgh,

I know you're feeling down right now, but believe me it can be done! There is so much out there that you could be spending your money on instead. For me the way I have started to recover was to take one day at the time. Sometimes that was too much, so I took an hour at the time. I kept saying to myself - for the next hour I will not gamble and so on. Eventually I got myself out of the habit of gambling. I lost unreal amount of money over the last 2.5-3 years following a marriage breakdown, but I am determined to kick this life-sucking habit for good. So, keep fighting, keep posting, we are here with you all the way.

My current dilemma is the fallout from losing so much money.

I think it must be self punishment, but I am trying to spend as little as possible on food, but its pretty tough. Gamblers have a problem with spending nothing on themselves, so I wonder whether this is healthy thinking to try and save up as much as possible by living on the breadline.

A part of me just thinks as long as I don't gamble, I should really buy what I want, I am not eating any meat, just cereals and soups etc?

I think a part of the recovery is learning to spend money on myself, I feel like I don't deserve it, or that I need to make up what I lost.

Am I really recovering by engaging in this money stringent behaviour?

Thanks everyone...

Hi Urgh,

I've read your entries and am sorry you feel so down about this. Granted, its a lot of money to lose, but you went 7 months without this habit, and you saved.

Did you live on the breadline throughout those 7 months? how did you go about stopping initially? What triggered the irresistible urge to step into the casino?

you've got all of us here, you don't need to feel isolated. you can do this if you really want to, but to move forward and back onto the right path for you, without gambling, you need to leave the past in the past. the money's gone, and they only way to see it again is to do what you did before. Save it and fight the urges.

All the best, ill keep reading - I know you can do it 🙂 x

Sounds to me like you are punishing yourself. Take the amount of money you used to spend per week gambling and take 10% of that to treat yourself once or twice a week. By doing this you will realise how stupid we all have been by throwing our money away by gambling. The little luxury that you have by doing this will hopefully keep you motivated not to ever gamble again.

I have a very strong urge this morning to go to the bookies and play roulette.

My plan is to treat myself today, spend maybe £20 on myself, rather than dropping £100 or something in the bookies

Great idea treat urself today. From my own experience i had a mini addiction 2 saving money when i woz off gambling i wud save and save and then i wud go on a gambling bender and lose 4 months savings in a few hours so soul destroying and i wud do that time and time again. I was a real penny wise and pound foolish person.

Ive read ur diary and i really hope you can dig deep and try and arrest ur gambling addiction a day at a time. Youve done it for 7 months so u know u can do it.

Read as many diaries on here as possible and try and limit your access to money. Hope you have a great weekend and treat yourself to something nice

Placed imaginary bets yesterday on the grand national on W.H (I am banned there anyway). I played last year and got it, before that I never did, I never do horses. I placed £500 imaginary bets on 13 horses and didn't get the winner.

This was a tactic I used to good effect when I was 8 months free. There is some relief from playing no money, it relieves the urge a little bit.

When I get a strong urge I play free roulette as well.

Today I considered going into the bookies, but I didn't.

I am over 1 week, that is nothing for me though.

I tend to watch the football and it does annoy me when I think to myself "I would've won that" if I betted.

Today is the FA Cup, and Manu play Villa, two big matches.

Hi mate,

Just read your diary, I saw myself in you 100%, I don't have any children, I have a girlfriend and even though I feel I am letting her down, I am letting myself down the most. I think I have let my selfish side feed my addiction, because I feel worthless, that I have blown my life and have no chance of setting things straight, I keep betting. I too find it hard to exclude because a massive part of me doesn't want to walk away but the other half, the half which is suffering really wants to prove to everyone I can do it. I am living at my mums at the moment because my girlfriend won't have me back, I went 46 days, then messed up, mainly because I was complacent and bored.

Me and You are no good handling large sums of money mate, we both would feel better giving it over to loved ones.

I will follow your diary more from now on, we have a lot in common. I am on day 1 today, lets hope we both feel better this coming week.

Try not to beat yourself up, I am to myself but we've got to get control back again matey, we are worth something, even if we don't like ourselves.

Cheers

Andy (Wilsy).

i know exactly how you feel,i feel the same.give to someone else your money.there is no other way.we are very addicted mate.roulette is one of the worst addictions.i lost 3000 euros last christmas and last week i lost 4000 euros.GIVE YOUR MONEY TO SOMEONE ELSE.SECOND RULE, SELF EXCLUDE FROM ALL THE CASINOS.i know its hard but you must do it if you want your life back.

take care

I've been doing a lot of reading and watching gambling videos, especially big wins and losses.

I never dreamed of a big win in a casino because I was always just chasing my losses, and because I was realistic it would never happen. But reading some things online it made me feel a little excited about getting that one big win.

I have been torturing myself over the football, I seem to be getting most decisions correct in my head in the two weeks, including tonights Champions League game.

I keep thinking about placing one big bet on the football, and getting some savings back. As I walked past the bookies today I imagined placing £500 on ______ to win tonight (which happened), but I couldn't do it. I never gamble big on football, it was always roulette where I could throw large amounts away.

When I stop fantasising about winning a big football bet, I imagine playing high stakes roulette, and play it in my head, doing one £500 and walking away after winning.

-

More constructively, I was entertaining the idea of doing overtime at work, but I lost so much money that any overtime I do is insignifitcant. If I was paid £7 after tax per hour, I'd need to work some 400 hours to recoup what I lost . I also hate my job, it depresses me, so I am stuck in a situation where my mind is still savagely chasing the loss, but for now I have it under control, but it is causing me a lot of stress. If I wasn't banned from the casino I'd proably have cracked and gone in.

Thank you everyone for your support, I hope you are all doing well

two weeks free

that is all

Hi Urgh, Its even harder when we have stayed away & then relapsed but the procedure & the end results are still the same:

Gamble= Hell & Misery

No Gambling = Happiness & heaven.

I too was happy until I relapsed now I am trying to get to happiness again, it is hard & the devil is waiting for us all but we must stay focussed & beat him, I have been lost for 3 weeks lost myself lost my money & dignity now I am fighting again to get this all back..

Stay strong my friend, you say 2 weeks thats all, I am on Day 5 & I wish I was at 2 weeks so well done on your 2 weeks.

cold turkey for you my friend suspend your broadband connection until your urges to casinos evaporate cut your credit cards up go and do something else to occupy your time anything else will cost you much less than gambling down the drain the formula could be

watch 3 films =6hours = £12 max

gamble =6hrs= £6000 ++++

get a kindle £100 read for ever 400 books

no brainer i watch more tv now to block out the urges even the wife says i havent seen you so much since i gamble much less

we are all here to support one another great site i come here to blabber rather than casino have the strength and willpower to get over this evil be realistic you will never ever get back your losses give up and move on easy to say but very much attainable we all want this

the only way to win is to QUIT

frank 61

Hope the ship is now steady m8 and that you're feeling more positive and ready to continue the fight, good luck, Steve.

3 weeks free, feeling very down tonight