A journal of the newbie recovering gambler

124 days 🙂

Have not posted for ages as I've had so much non gambling stuff in my head, which is a very good thing in many ways. I have figured out why my addiction became so intense and what it was replacing in my life. Without going into it too much, my partner is asexual, and I'm fast coming up to a year with no action. Gambling helped me to dampen down my s*x drive increadibly well, but I needed it to stop. Due to swimming a lot more, I have found myself in a flirtation with a very attractive man 21 years younger than me (i am 47). This young man has been insanely tempting, but I have resisted because I love my man very much and do not want to deceive him in any way at all. I have however told him how unhappy I am with the status quo, and he is currently considering my suggestions of either comprise or ethical non monogamy. Either way I need to get this boy out of my head. 

Anyway, no gambling and no thoughts of gambling. Just of a pretty boy in tight trunks.

Just for today I will not gamble or cheat.

131 days!!!!

Yeah baby :)!!!!

It's going well, really well. I have not actually felt urges to deposit for ages now. And my other half is gambling an awful lot less. Soon I will be transferred to a new job, where I can be a proper nurse again and look after people :). I have health issues that I've always struggled with, and the new job is only 2.5 days a week. 2 days one week, 3 the next. And it will be so much easier to have a great work life balance and manageme my health. Time to swim more and enjoy life. And I can only afford to this because I quit gambling :D. What a glorious revalation. Still being good with fidelity too.

Just for today I will not gamble 

148 days. Wow, going on six months now

 Everything still going really well. I have only had the most fleeting of thoughts about gambling. I continue to be amazed at how little I actually spend when I am not gambling, and how much more money is available to spend on much better things. 

Should be starting my new job in a few weeks time, feels lovely to be able to afford to only do 18.75 hours a week. Much better work life balance.

It really does get better and easier. 

Wishing you all the strongest of wills for when you need it. 

@aoxbg6d3ji o*g you are doing so well!!! congrats on such great success.

I know it's been awhile since I've posted here. I managed to go 121 days this time until I lapsed recently. I turned it all around yesterday again after about a 3 day stint gambling on and off. No real damage financially ($200 from savings), just the natural guilt I felt for losing the money and knowing I shouldn't have engaged in the first place. One thing I gained from this lapse was recognizing when I felt like I was losing control, which is when I stopped - which tells me this bad habit is something that will require A LOT of attention in the coming years, as well as self-discipline in not acting on the habit when confronted with opportunity.

I have put all my stoppers in place again, self-excluded where needed as an extra precaution, and am back on Day 1 for a third time. This Day 1 feels good, lighter if you understand. I want to see 150 days this time around and of course beyond, and I have the ability and support to make that happen. Financially I am in a much better place than I was 7 months ago, but it would be a shame to have that all fall to shambles based around a poor decision. Our money is better in our pockets, buying things that make us happy and give us/others joy - sure as hells beats a wager :).

I really hope you've kept up with your adventure to be GF and keep your eyes forward. Sounds like things are really changing for you and that is wonderful to hear. 

All the best,

JB 

Hi JB

So nice to hear from you, and don't worry about the relapse, I always think it's par for the course to have at least one relapse on the road to quitting anything. 

I too had a relapse about a month ago, like yourself only briefly, and not too much damage at all.  Think I was just being complacent, definitely a warning to always be aware how easy it would be to loose control again. Happily back on the wagon again now though. Never give up giving up 💪