A new dawn

Dear Diary. Day 86 gamble free. 

Very early start for work this morning and it was bitterly cold. I had a good day at work. Lots of variety  I like that. I was able to finish at lunch time due to the early start so had a leisurely trip home via some shops. I bought myself a couple of books, a pair of shoes for work and some new gym gear. Not very exciting but I enjoyed the browse. 

Been for a swim and jacuzzi this afternoon with my dear friend M. I have taken tomorrow off to accompany her to a hospital appointment early in the morning and then we are having a spa session in the afternoon. So looking forward to it. 

My diet today has been c**P. McDonald’s breakfast, lunch like a bad school dinner, McDonald’s tea. I have some wine in though so that may count as one of my five a day ?. 

Posted by: Murlo

Dear Diary. Day 86 gamble free. 

Very early start for work this morning and it was bitterly cold. I had a good day at work. Lots of variety  I like that. I was able to finish at lunch time due to the early start so had a leisurely trip home via some shops. I bought myself a couple of books, a pair of shoes for work and some new gym gear. Not very exciting but I enjoyed the browse. 

Been for a swim and jacuzzi this afternoon with my dear friend M. I have taken tomorrow off to accompany her to a hospital appointment early in the morning and then we are having a spa session in the afternoon. So looking forward to it. 

My diet today has been c**P. McDonald’s breakfast, lunch like a bad school dinner, McDonald’s tea. I have some wine in though so that may count as one of my five a day ?. 

Don’t beat yourself up too much, I had McDonald’s lunch today! Whoops!

Good to hear it Kram! I am not beating myself up because I definitely enjoyed it!

My counsellor rang me tonight. Just to check I was ok after my dilemma yesterday. I really am. It was lovely of her to ring and say I am just being your mum. Meant so much. Must go to sleep now. 

Anyway I am listening to Red Electrick. A band from my birth place. Love them ?

Posted by: Murlo

My counsellor rang me tonight. Just to check I was ok after my dilemma yesterday. I really am. It was lovely of her to ring and say I am just being your mum. Meant so much. Must go to sleep now. 

Rest well friend. x

Morning world,

It is a beautiful crisp morning here. I am off work today and have plenty of things planned for the day. No excuse to not follow drama’s diet tips today so I have started with a beetroot and berry smoothie. Unlike the green one I made the other day, it was lovely. Will do that one again. I have a bit of a hangover this morning. I only had a couple of glasses of wine last night but for some reason felt really drunk. Maybe I will steer clear of any alcohol until I finish my treatment. 

I hope everyone has a wonderful day x

Wishing you a wonderful Wednesday murlo, enjoy your day off

Hi Murlo I have just read through your diary and it is really inspirational, it clearly chronicles your journey and how far you have come and I have utmost respect for your honesty through the difficult times which I am sure will stand you in good stead for any challenging times in the future. It seems to me that over past few weeks there is theme that your energy levels are really rising and you are experiencing some lovely new adventures and also re-discovering welcome old emotions too and that's all as a result of your hard work in recovery no doubt. Send you very best wishes to keep it going I am sure you have some amazing new adventures to come with your hubby.

Dear Diary. Day 87 gamble free. 

Today has been a challenge but I haven’t had a thought for gambling. I only ever really seem to think about gambling now when I write this or an odd urge/trigger.  I am happy with that. 

I went to the hospital with my friend M this morning and the news was less good than expected. At most she has 6 months, maybe much less. Next weekend I go away with her and another friend. That may well  be the last time we all get together. Anyway, hubby and I have opened our house to M.  She can be here as much as she needs to be. I am well enough for that now. I have also arranged for her to meet the hospice at home team. She would like to spend her last days in our home. Next week we will begin to introduce her lovely cat to mine. They will need to become friends.

My father in law was also at the hospital today to discuss his treatment options. I had arranged for someone I know who knows their stuff to be with him. I am still worried about how I may cope with two loved ones deteriorating at the same time. I guess I will though. 

On top of that I had another of my treatments today. Although it is now a nasal spray I have to take it under medical supervision.  That’s hard. I hope I can finish taking it soon.

This afternoon I went for a bit of R&R with my friend M. I am trying not to cry when I am with her but it is so hard. Everything I do with her feels like it may be the last time. More than anything she wants me to be gamble free and engaged with life again before she dies. I am certain I can do that

Final thing I guess. I had a mammogram today. For anyone reading that is anxious about them, there’s no need to be. It didn’t hurt. This was my 10 year follow up post breast cancer  just shows you can beat the big C sometimes ?

I can't even begin to understand what it feels like to support people going through that. I've done it as a Eucharistic Minister and my Hubby's best pal went through it and his grief was very raw but it's not the same being on the periphery as being so deeply involved in it. 

I just wish you lot's of happy memories in the time that you get to spend together. I am pleased that your Hubby is also a good egg and is happy to let her share your home for this time. I think that's splendid. I really do. My Hubby won't even have folk round for dinner. 

Um, just waffling. Love you pal. 

Drama x

Murlo... This brings home so many memories for me about  my lovely uncle when he  passed.. He too had all his wishes and was at home...

People like my uncle and your friend M. Don't make it hard to be around or talk about their wishes.. Heartache is the worst pain 

You are amazing.. And you know where to find us on diary.. I can't say anything to make this tender time easier. I can't do anything really just offer you my support with presence of words and time on here.. 

Take care. 

Nite n bless 

Special nite bless scottie boo too ??

Dear Murlo

We're so sorry you're going through this with your friend and your father in law. As we're sure you'll know difficult times can make recovery from problem gambling even harder so take care of yourself, keep posting and call the HelpLine or NetLine if you need to.

Best wishes

Forum Admin

Good morning and thank you Drama, Boo, Russ and forum admin for popping onto my diary. Your words of comfort and support mean so much.

I have you all to thank for the fact that I am feeling strong. I genuinely feel as though I am dealing with whatever life throws at me and that is in no small part down to the support I have had from you all on here. The way I see it, I am lucky that I have somewhere that I can come and express how I feel. Not everyone has that. 

Anyway, I slept like a log. Feeling fresh and ready to start another day x

Dear Diary. Day 88 gamble free. 

An early update today as hubby and I are popping round to his folks. I have had a really lovely day of doing things just for me. I went for my second mindfulness session this morning. It was wonderful. I was so pleased that I was able to focus fully on the session. I love the feeling that I get, Drama describes it as floaty and that is so right. It’s just nice.

I joined chat at lunchtime and it was really nice. I still can’t quite believe how lucky I am to have such amazing recovery buddies. You are truly wonderful people and I thank you all for every bit of support and encouragement you have given me along my journey. 

This afternoon I went for a swim and jacuzzi. I have really enjoyed my own company today which I am so pleased about.

Looking forward to seeing my in laws. They are such lovely people. I can spend some quality time talking to my father in law about him. I am just pleased that I am gamble free and mentally well, not causing any pain or worry for our families.

Superleague season gets underway tonight and I am very excited ?