a new way of thinking

hi liz ure in the right place u will get lots of support here were all in the same boat stay strong u can do it hugs hotdog x

Well done liz,u've made a massive step in the right direction,the only way is up from now on. Rob

Hi liz, you have definitely made a good decision to come on here! Support and advice is just a click away.

Good luck in your journey

Jonny

Day 2

I have got up today feeling quite positive today after finally tacking the plunge and posting on here and getting some great replys of surport its made me feel quite light [if that makes any sense].I was thinking about the last time i gambled and i realised i wasnt enjoying myself so why was i doing it?This is a question i have asked myself over and over and im still not sure of the answer it has to be something more than boredom.Well whatever the answer i will get to the bottom of it.

Keep it up Liz!

If you are anything like me you gambled to feel better about yourself - there is nothing quite like that little sense of achievement of winning something.

But it is possible to feel good about yourself in other ways. I am on day 57 and I am striving to fill my days with so many little positive things that I leave no room for the urges to creep in and you can do the same.

I paid £3 for an audiobook yesterday and spent 4 hours walking and listening to it - how long would £3 last in a bookies?

You have made a great first step coming on here and the people on here are great - we can all support each other to get to a point where gambling was a distant memory, we just need to want it badly enough.

Keep up the good fight!

Hi liz,

its funny you that you wasnt enjoying it when you gambled but continued to do it, i have also had that feeling and wondered why i carried on? i think originally you do enjoy it, then you start losing and chasing the losses and then you do start to worrie how much your losing, i have been a bag of nerves when i was chasing my losses cause in the back of my mind i knew the consequences, then i just couldnt stop and next thing everything is gone, we are compulsive and there is no good out of starting again even if we originally enjoy.

Thanks for the replys ive discussed this with my mum as i couldnt understand how an intelligant,grown woman couldnt stop herself from gambling until i was wondering how i was going to get to work or feed the kids.She tells me the emotional response is alot stronger than the logical one,which would explain why we spend every last penny we have.But on the up side ive had a weekend of no gambling and with that no awful sick feeling,out of all the things you feel when your gambling thats the feeling i hate the most.Going back to the point of not enjoying myself when gambling im also a smoker and ive been doing that since i was fifteen and i dont enjoy it anymore but its such a habit i carry on although once ive fought this battle that will be my next.I like alot of people have been through tough times all their life this is just another demon i have to fight and overcome,sorry if ive rambled abit but i am finding this diary a real help.x

Hi elizabeth

Please don't apologize for your posts. I read back over mine from time to time and think, what was I on about there. As long as it gets you through the day and builds a resolve against this demon then you're on the right track. Take care

Day 3

Today is a dificult day for me usually its the day i try and work out how to get hold of some money after the weekend losses but i dont have any today hurray for me!!!!!!!!

I did have abit of a wobble on the way back from the school run could just stop of at the bank put some money in go online when i get in and my toddler is having a nap

but......

i didnt i came straight home another hurray for me.

My ex decided to come and see lo and this i have noticed seems to set me off on the road to stomach churning sickness but once again i feel ok.

Tomorrow my mum is over for a couple of days cant wait for that hug and long chat i know we will have.x

ps thankyou to everyone for their supportx

Yes another minor victory.Stopped on the way home from the school run to grab some cigarettes and the bloke behind the counter asked if i wanted my usual cash voucher[another way to deposit online if thers no funds in the bank]and without even thinking i said no.As of this morning [see last post]

ME 2 GAMBLING 0

i was just sitting thinking through my life wondering where my problems started.I was never a gambler few quid in a pub slot machine once in a while,i dont drink so once in a while really means once in a while as i never really liked pubs and when i was younger i was slap bang in the middle of the rave scence i dont remember there being any slot machinces in the middle of a field.So it really all started about five years ago few games of bingo online won abit lost abit no big deal,didnt even know there were slots online but hey i soon found them.Won more than i lost this was great spend a little put abit back in.No big deal.I didnt even see it creep up me my partner at the time paid all the bills so i didnt worry.

Been working all this time with my partner building up our business working my a**e off and bringing up the kids and for what no holidays no days out of course what he wanted he had not me though.

After a few years i started lieing to my family borrowing money left right and centre and guess what thats right losing.Anyway it all came to a head about 2 years ago £25,000 in three months.Couldnt hide it couldnt run away time to face the music.I came clean about it and the first thing my ex did was kick me out.Things got sorted and shortly after i found myself pregnant could have done without it but thats life.I spent the next year trying to make peace with my now ex but he wasnt having any of it every day for a year comments, arguments, name calling you name it he said it.After a year of this and no gambling i couldnt stand it any longer and left best decision i ever made.My eldest is now 13 and knows all about what happen and was my rock through this tough first year on our own he has never judged me over what i did and is the best son ever[biased i know].So what set me off gambling i think i knew it would destroy what was left of a nearly destroyed relationship and i knew he wouldnt forgive me .i dont know if this has any bearing on why but i didnt gamble for about 7 months after i left but slowly and surely it has got me again.Since i moved on my ex hasnt said a word to me about gambling i still see him all the time kids etc and we get along better than ever dont figure.I now have to face up to my responsabilitys and grow up i am in charge of two young lives who depend on me to do the right thing my aim is to take those two angels on holiday[maybe angels is pushing it]next year and with all the money i save from not gambling there is no reason why not.x

ps sorry about spelling.

well done hunnie. I too found the slots via the bingo, there so poisonous! i can take or leave the bingo. i just need to get through nxt few days. Im a sporadic gambler, go weeks/months but then i go wild then the remorse, sick feeling, shame starts, I usually manage to stop but its never for any great length of time. Ive had an unhealthy relationship with food and alcohol in the past, thats under control, so why cant i tackle this? sorry hijacked your diary. i hope tomorrow is gd to you xxxxx

Dont apologise for hijacking anything hun i agree with you about bingo utterly boreing slots much more fun h*r h*r.ive smoked for twenty years and to tell you the truth giving up gambling is going to be a hell of alot easier than giving up smoking maybe the reason gambling is easier to hide then eating or drinking as like you say you gamble sporadicly its abit easier to hide losses rather than months and months of blow outs.gd luck and stay strong.x

massive warm hugs x