A not so secret diary of a compulsive gambler

Hi bud I'm out and about on the beer so will respond later or probably tomorrow. Just wanted you to know I feel the pain it looks like you have your answer so you need to work though it with her as hard as that will be to get a solution so you can both move on and be the best parents for the kids you can be.

KTF mine is strong in you.

Thanks so much m. I needed that answer too! Its about moving forward for my daughter now and step boy. Being the best dad i can be.

And you have 3 points on the board

Hi buddy , sorry just ciome back on , Yeah it usually is complicated and never as straightforward as we'd like , just keep yer P****r up and do your best and like Oldham said , I also feel for you ! .

Thats appalling behaviour. Get on to a brief ASAP and see what you can do. I don't know the exact legal position when separated but that is technically adultery. You got any suspicions of whether it could have been happening a long time? You need to gather as many facts as possible because if you can't agree a split amicably then it will be a yours v hers tale telling session at a tribunal... never good. I've sat in on a few tribunals. Just be careful what you say on here if she knows your username etc. I wish you the very best for you and yours. Hope you get a fair outcome. Just try to remain calm or it could work out against you.

Hello guys thanks for this she has no indea im on here. Also she has been in contact with this guy for months! But just friends really??? Tough on my self esteem but mentally kinda just put my guard up. Lack of sleep is my problem can only get a few hours gonna see a solicitor early this week as threatned to take kids and not tell me where she is. Concidering last 5 weekends iv had daughter and every Wednesday we will see. My wife is an irrational mess and is not thinking straight but im gonna be calm take the moral high ground and be there for my daughter and step boy. What i can take from this is that i think she was with guy b4 I admitted gambling. life has been v v sh@t the last few weeks.but through this i have admitted my faults to friends family and more importantly myself!!! I have had 5 weeks gamble free and feel happier for it! Im going to come out on top in this iv built solid foundations in myself to build a happier gamble frew life! God d**n wisdom teeth are hurting today mind lol life isnt about waiting for the storm to pass its about dancing in the rain.

Great post pal - stay calm and you'll do well.

Wow why do we hurt those we love the most before you can do anything else you have to heal yourself only then you can have a true relationship with others you have beat yourself up enough you will look back at this and things will be better stay strong dizzy xxxx

Thank you so much for the support guys! I wanted to send an update about my cool composure. I mesaaged my wife with next 2 weeks of dates i wanted elinor she told me no cant see her for 2 weeks no more school night im playing hard ball and ul be lucky id u see her in two weeks. Left it 20 mins jumped on computer sent her every adultary text message she lied and then admitted and every threat about non access of my girl via email to her. Said i am seeing my solicitor this week about access and divorce u have started have a read of the texts u sent me the last two weeks and have a think of them dates again as have evidence of blackmail and adultary and poor parental behaviour..... 5 mins later. You can have all the dates i wont deny u access. If i was gambling i would not have the cool calm nature to do this. Im so happy 36 is my lucky number. Its my home junction on m4 today im 36 days gamble free! What a time to be alive! Positive vibes everyone

At least she's having to rethink her position and you've evened up the balance of power. Don't play all your cards upfront as she'll know all your arguments and will be able to think how to defend against them. You're only just starting this process so document things and save it for the professionals. Be very factual with your brief. I did X she did A, B and C. Write it all out and it will save you some time and expense. Sorry it I'm being very cold about this but Im approaching your scenario very clinically and trying to offer advice without an emotional attachment.

Well played matey! You are doing fantastic!

Gaz

Hi change and swordy thanks change i can see u know this game. Im not a gambling man any more and will not gamble my daughter or house. I will be clinical and transparent but i have many card to play and i wont do that yet. I just used her words against her. Blackmails a dirty thing using kids in an argument she looks terible!

Day 37

So woke up this morning has about 5 hours sleep which is a better than nothing was in a half decent mood this morning. looking forward to going home work this weekend.Felt excited looking down the train tracks thinking iv got the world at my feet and have so much oppotunity and im lucky that i have kicked a bad habit feel strong.

My ex text me earier and wanted to talk about custody of my dauther and step boy. She is panicing now as i am coming home saturday she sees it is unfair that i am coming home. well house is my house all in my name i pay every bill and cant afford to live anywhere else.How on earth am i in the wrong

She is trying to pick an argument but i wont let her. just fed up now of this nonsense she has completely humiliated me! She can say i was gambling till the cows come home but bottom line she has had an affair.... Kind of hit me today i guess. It is at low point like this that i feel the urges. Not sure why i havnt with this. just feel empty today. I want to know what she is upto now it has been 6 weeks since i have left to give her that space. I gave her an inch and she took 50 f*** miles. Is it my problem that she has to find somewhere to go no! She did this she has made her bed and she has to lie in it! How can she expect any other outcome! i have made a chart of what i see the plan with my daughter 4 days one week 3 the next i will show her! She has said my step son is upset.... well not being nasty but what am i to do there. she is playing funny with rights to my actually daugther i got no hope with my step boy.... She wants to know what i want. I wont budge on this i am moving in Saturday. She has humilated and belittled me enough part of addiction is the loss of control. looking back on the last 18 months i definatly had lost control. I took such pride yesterday fighting my corner and getting my daughter using what she had done to my advantage, not sure why her texts have affected me so much guess i just wanted a few days piece and quiet. I need to heal to be honest every time i deal with her i have a fight. how can i concentrate on my urges when she is constantly having me feel worn down.

Sorry bit of a moan today just had enough really...

It's fine to moan somedays pal. Sorry to sound like a broken record but remain calm - when we are calm we make better decisions, we do not lose perspective, we see the bigger picture and we ultimately prevail. I cannot overstate how important it is to remain calm. Did I say remain calm... haha? You're doing great to keep it together... if you stay like this then you will always have an advantage.

Good Afternoon Diary

So last night seeing the ex was well..... a disaster walked in the house all calm all good. She wanted to discuss kids agread to joint custody of miss adt and then said i could see my step son but needs to speak to his dad.... So she said about furniture i said well what would you like make a list and i will let you have the kids bedrooms and our old bed (i aint havin that one) leave the spare room for me! you can have the sofa the tv and units i want the arm chair and can i have the kitchen table and chairs. we will make a list for solicitor! ok fine....... Then im having half your house! no your not and im not here to discuss that we will do it in mediation........ Hmmmmmm she went ape!!! im not leaving house gonna change locks sat ur not coming home left room to see kids and say good bye and i love them! Came downstairs she acused me of being a drug addict ummmmmm no???? Complulsive gambler used to be yes!! but not drugs then she said she is changint the locks gonna call police said i hurt her! at that point felt it was time to leave.... She is a bit silly!!!! I wont be put in that situation again she told me i am not having joint custody now and im not coming home said i am and all ur text are making u look silly ahhhhh went on wouldnt get drawn into fight. She told me cant see kids only daughter every other weekend untill mediation..... no fathers day not on her birthday i didnt react! im FURIOUS but didnt bite!!!! told her not texting any more.... So today had phone call about mediation next month seeing solicitor thursday need legal advice on things. text her today saying that i am back in saturday spoke to my solicitor you can not change locks you have no rights over house except with sales and lending you dont pay anything and have proof though banks if you cause any trouble i will call police. i am not going to be playing games with you i have had enough,

I havnt heard back and know she would have read it by now! im playing everything whiter and white and by the law! She had that man in the house when i came over to get a reaction out of me! She didnt have the one she wanted!

So today my gum is killing me life is a bit of a mess but i feel very clear in my thought process and calmer than i have the last few days. I walked down a road in cardiff today past about 6 bookies it made me shudder! I hate the feel and hold it has over me i didnt have an urge to gamble i wont let it empower me like that! i wont tempt myself and try to avoid that street normally not sure why feet took me there today...... I cant go in im excluded anyway lol but not the point. was i testing myself was i just not thinking... Not sure lots going on and maybe over thinking it. I feel a bit diffrent today kinda guess its the grief of a loss of marrage its up and down. I know that if i stay strong keep doing what i am doing i will win... I am going to look back on this year as the start of somthing special in my life and not the doom and gloom that i feel now! sadly you live in the moment and dont have an outside view. I wish i could flash forward a few months really and know where i am going in my life and find some peace and happiness but i know it isnt possible...... This will make me stronger feeling what i do now! the loss of love the hearache the giving up and an addiction!