A way out

Hey. ..you ok love...hope all's good with you xx

Hiya,

So, not been checking in for a while. Went on my trip, was amazing! Then broke my ankle!! So I've had family rallying round me for a while and haven't had the chance to get on and check in!

Been a mental couple of weeks and I'm sleeping a lot (partly painkillers, partly boredom. I think partly slipping into a slight depression :/ ??) lack of money and lack of movement and not having the chance to gamble. Although the not having a chance for gambling part is great I just wish there weren't other contributors to it!!

Has been keeping my mind off it but as the pain eases off and I'm more aware of the day.. the urges come back!

Thanks loxxie for the little ok check! X

Hoping now I'm sort of getting back with the flow of real life I can manage the gambling still, especially now the urges are coming back to me! It's been easy for me the last couple of weeks to not think about it but now I am and I'm stil off work I need to push myself harder to keep going forward and not go back!

Need to keep it going x

Hey. ...how's the ankle doing love...I'm sure your being well looked after....and I hope the urges arnt playing on you being laid up....take care x

So loads of my loan payments came out when I got paid and left me with basically nothing and my phone was cut off! I managed to tell my mum (more) lies so she would pay it for me. Another debt to add to the list! So here I am!

However! I've been productive! I'm ebaying my life (obviously not literally!! Haha) to make money to pay off some of my debts, and I've come to arrangements with them all now so life will be a bit easier for me and I can manage to pay everything out of my wages leaving me a bit for myself. I'm vowing to myself to start seeing my friends more and get some of my life back together.

Another couple of weeks now and the plaster will come off! Can't wait!!! I was feeling really really low but I think the debt was playing on my mind too and I was burying my head in the sand a bit with my debt so now that's all sorted I'm feeling really positive!

I'm concentrating on sorting my debts out in the next 4-6 months and getting my ankle back to normal again then I want to save and travel the world!

Sounds silly but I've changed my wallpaper/screens on my phone to collage pictures of where I want to go so if I get the urge I stop! I would always gamble on my phone so as soon as I go to unlock I see the pics!

Again this month was relatively easier than normal as I had no money again with my bank being emptied as soon as I got paid... But that's what you get for ignoring debt!

To be honest though as time goes on, not having the money seems to be helping in a way. I don't think about gambling everyday whereas before I would. I mean, I still get days where I really wish I had just something to stick 20 in the slots but I don't think I would even if I did. Hoping this'll help when I do start having money to myself.

Hope all is good loxxie and thanks again for your little ok check! And everyone else who reads... Hope you're all doing well.

I'll be on more now my phones back on!

Need to keep the positive vibe going and stick to my plans! 🙂

So payday rolling round again soon but feeling super positive!

I've opened another bank account and each payday I'm going to set a standing order to pay myself a set amount of money to budget on each month. Also going to cut the card up for the account I get paid into so I'm unable to use it! Hoping after a few months I'll have a bit left over so I can pay a bit more of loan off here and there. And hoping it'll also stop me from gambling as I won't really have much access to the main account. I have my logic behind it just hoping it works!

I'm not dreading payday as much as I usually do. And having two months on the trot where I've basically had eff all money it's been easy to forget about gambling all together! I don't even know how I've managed so far this month as my money was gone as quick as it went in on payday last month!

Been getting a lot of trouble in sleeping recently but have discovered ASMR. If you look into it it sounds a bit weird but it's so relaxing. It's like, repetitive sounds and that (which are supposed to give you a euphoric like feeling) that are so relaxing! Gives you that feeling that just... I dunno!! Just chills you out!! A bit like when you get your hair washed at he hairdressers! There are role play ones where you watch what they're doing and it's so strange. When they say their going to change you mr hair style or move your hair it's almost like you feel it!

Anyway... Reason I'm explaining it so much is I had soooo much trouble sleeping when I gambled that it may help any of you guys too! It's strangely addictive (in a good way!)

Plaster off next Thursday!!!! Cannot wait! Dying to free my foot! It's so frustrating! Never been in plaster before and it's such a challenge. Crutches and painkillers and can't get comfy in bed! I don't ever want to break any bones ever again!! Haha!

Hope everyone's doing well.

Loxxie hope you're well! Thanks for your support! How's the grandson? <3

Just another quick catch up!

Plaster off tomorrow can't wait! Crutches are annoying and can't wait to be walking around normally again!! (Well.. We'll see anyway! Ha!!)

The ASMR videos are still giving me sound sleeps at night (it's sooo relaxing) and I'm feeling so much better for it. And gambling is playing less on my mind as the days go on. Of course I still get those days where I have strong urges but as time goes on I'm finding it easier.

I've given up on giving up smoking again haha! But I am cutting down, and eating healthier to try and lose some weight (not sure about any of you guys but I would binge eat along with my binge gambling!)

I think the overall feeling I get now about myself and the changes I'm making makes me think why did I ever go there? What made me so easy? Why had I carried on for so many years? Makes me really sick the more I think about the amount of money I may as well have set on fire!!

Well, I was there then and I'm here now! Just need to keep on going strong! X

Hi Movingonup - I binge ate after the gambling stopped, sort of a comfort thing...now like you i am trying to regain a more healthy lifestyle! Its super difficult to give up more than one thing at a time, i too want to stop smoking but for now i have settled with the gambling and when i am further down this road will address that.

Try not to think too much about the money, its in the past and if we dwell on that we will miss all the wonderful things we have at this time, such as friends, and a gf day! We learn by our mistakes and as long as we dont give anymore of our hard earned money to this industry then we win every day!

Big well done on your progress, you sound so positive, keep going!