Abstain and maintain.Stepping forward never back.

Hi Duncan,

Sounds like a fantastic bank holiday weekend enjoyed then! Keep sharing your good news, it is reassuring to read that normal life is achievable and is being achieved by recovering gamblers.

All the best,

ryan

evening diary.

Thanks all i really did enjoy a family day yesterday and the New bbq cooked up a treat. delicious.

back to normality today, enjoyed mushrooms on toast for supper as yesterday i ate enough meat for the week.

Felt humbled today coming back across town, it seems there are homeless folk on every street, I of course in my gambling days give them the same look of disdain that most of society do. today however i find myself formulating ways in which i can best help them, after all I was oh so close to that life all but 15 months ago.

it keeps it all real for me, i opened my eyes and want to keep them open.

the one fact for sure i won't help those folk by having a punt, i don't know them but my gambling would too affect them, as there would be no smile, a genuine care for there welfare or the change from my pockets. oh no the fobt would have swallowed that.

so just for today i count my blessings, with gratitude for life

No bet today

Duncs stepping forward never back

Morning diary.

Great to be able to catch up with the diaries this morning with the couple of hours free time I have today.

A time spent well, topping up on ones resolve, and a mere snippet of time in comparison to the hours I would spend sat infront of the fobt.

The sun has disappeared again today, I knew without looking out of the window, as the barometer I have for a knee told me so!!Lol. Making inroads today with the summer menu's, and funny how life influences my writing as there is for sure a far more healthy feel to them, not cooking with so much butter, cream or olive oil, lol I may slim a part of pompey down!! Still it is working for me, donned a pair of cords this morning early to wander with the dogs, and a month ago they did not touch the sides!!

I read somewhere this week that we gamble on so many fronts in our lives, through work,house purchase,car purchase and so on, that it will always be a part of living.That folk take risks every day, a gamble in one way or another, after digesting this I conclude that yes we do speculate with various elements in life, risk taking but I would like to think in a measured thought out way, it bears no relation to my compulsion to gamble, that was fuelled by money, but until I arrested it, it was relentless, a never ending cycle.

This equally today looking through untinted glasses had no end goal, if asked why do you gamble???

My answer would have been Because I am a gambler, were in life today the risks on were best to keep our pennies bricks&motar, the bank or under the mattress lol all have a product at the end of them.

Gambling emptied the pot, and will no matter how big and deep it is.

Why today I choose NO bet today.

Duncs stepping forward never back.

Hi Duncs,

Thanks for the supportive post. Always appreciated. You continue to inspire. - joanxxx

Hey Duncs,

Thank you for your support on my diary. Glad you enjoyed a wonderful day with your family, you deserve it.

Chicagoguy

Duncs,

Thanks for your post on my diary - as always, your support means a lot. One thing you said rang true for me - that of all the vices, gambling is by far he most destructive.

It has done more damage to me in an hour than other vices would do in a year. Keep up the good work - and inspiration to one and all on here

D123

morning diary.

Just a quick dip into my diary as I have a busy day ahead.

Sad to read one of the members is leaving the forum as they feel they have not recieved a level of support they were looking for. Kit I hope the path you choose leads to sustained abstinence.

Today I have a meeting with a fella who is opening a new venture, a brand new launch, no history a clean start. I have been approached to take up the helm, something I am honoured and excited about, something I will give alot of thought to. Here is the thing I got to thimking what do I tell the fella, what do I call myself, Duncs the ex gambler, duncs the recovering gambler?? here's the thing my addiction played a huge part of my life and today I am proud of my recovery, and what it brings I also like to lay it on the line, put it out there, for me there is no stigma attached, no shame in my admittence t omy failings and my ability to face them and each day deal with them, so in short one way or another the chap will walk away today with no misconception of who Duncs is, warts and all. It does not affect my ability to cook but if I don't tell the fella today, I feel like I would have kept something from him, something very important to me.

I look forward to each day and the challenges it brings, today this is an unexpected one, but one I have no fear of.

I understand folk who have to keep there addiction a secret, me I use the fact that hey everyone and anyone can know, it's like the ultimate block.

So off I go into the breach, in search of a suitable monica, lol so if you see the fella cycling through pompey shortly talking to himself, well that's me!

My name is Duncan McQuilken I am a compulsive gambler no bet since 23/01/2012

a streak I without doubt won't be breaking today.

The day that counts.

Stepping forward never back.

Hi Duncs

this is a really interesting one. I would find it very difficult to describe myself to future employer in these terms as I would have to say I was a recovering divorcee, a recovering foodaholic, a recovering introvert, a recovering extrovert, recovering from major op etc etc and none of these things alone define me.

You are such a rounded personality (I dont mean physically) which is obvious from your diary and I do understand what you are saying about what an achievement you have made recently but I do hope you include all the other facets to your character such as the support and understanding you provide to others.

Have been head hunted a few times in the past and certainly makes you feel good even if you don't accept the offer.

Bit worried about this Monica person though, think you should stick with Sarah she sound a lovely person.

xxx

evening diary.

thanks re. i won't ever include spelling in my talents list lol my Joe curses me!!! funny he started a writers group tonight, me i would need something more primal!!!

as for My moniker, well i just left the label out, told the fella how things were and how for 15 months i have made changes for the good and how i enjoy recovery. there was no man shaped hole left in the wall no smoking trail were he had run off. lol. I have alot of thinking to do, i will need to assemble some troops, old and New and there is alot to do.I will sleep on it, or toss and turn anyhow, feels right and I am feeling good within myself. after a life of jumping feet first, just for tonight i will survey the view, formulating the pro's and cons.

I did allow myself this opportunity by stepping off the train i rode that was heading off that cliff.

Duncs stepping forward never back

Nice one Duncs. I admire your honesty and your pride in what you've achieved. No more shame, lies or skeletons in the closet. It takes great courage to lift that weight off your mind and be so honest. If he's lived a life then he'll understand but if he doesn't then so what, his loss. When you worry too much about what other people think then you stop being yourself and that's when all the problems start. Anyway I think because your such a great cook and that youre thought of highly in culinary circles then he'll take you on, he was probably caught out by your sudden disclosure. As long as you're reliable, create great menu's, bring in the punters and keep turning a profit then that's all that really matters to him. And you are all those things and possess the expertise to carry the aforementioned expectations through.

Yet I like your style, honesty and pride, why not.

Careful on that bike, it's windy.

Steve.

DMac,

Thank you for the advice you gave me on my new diary. I have spent some time this morning online looking at the 12 step program. This has clearly worked for you so interests me a great deal.

Tomso.

Dunc.

Hope this finds you well mate.

Thanks for your continued support.

gazza

Hi Duncs,

Thank you for your post as always it lifts my spirits, its funny isnt it i posted i lost my mojo for my diary then i read tomso new post and somehow it came flooding back.

I love this forum and people like you who give me hope, inspiration and pride in what we can achive alone and yet together.

Striding forwards, no going back now.

take care

blondie

Hey Duncs

Thanks for your kind words. You're right, the sun definitely does shine from within when not gambling regardless of the weather outside.

Hope you have a lovely weekend planned.

Take care.

Lady Feb.

Morning Diary,

well I had a night off gamcare last night did not log in once, enjoyed the football and the series revolution we are watching continues(i may add to get worse!!lol)

Great to see tomso back amoungst us, I hope he gets as much out as he puts in.

I have the weekend off, was going to my mum's as it's here eds birthday, but after reviewing the finances we called a rain check as the rail fares are nothingshort of ridiculous, not much change out of a TON for a next day return, so tomorrow Ma and Ed are coming to us, the wonders of there C1 less than twenty quid in the tank does it.

So today Sarah and I have moved everything around, and it looks amazing, like moving house lol without the hassle. Whilst doing it over the last four hrs we got to have a good chat, sometimes Sarah gets frustrated at what she reads on the forum and we talk it through.

See I sometimes feel overwhelmed at how privelidged I am to share recovery with her and I think because she has seen such a change in the way life was to how it is today that we have to take that into account, it always takes me back to three or so weeks in my recovery when Dave a 25 yr abstainer in my Ga said again in the meeting like he does most meetings "all we are asking you to do is not have a bet"

I shared this with my beloved two days later as we walked to the shop, as I said it I wished the words would go back in, I saw rage that day, A well why did you not stop a long time before this carnage!!!!

Well I see it as we have to have the light switched on to see through the dark.

So we had a good chat and I hope Sarah can see that folk may have to unlock a few doors, knock down a few walls to get to there switch.

That is what I have grown to respect here, that recovery is bespoke, both sides of the fence, us we can support were we can, and take our head from the lions mouth when we can't.

Abstinence is as easy as "Not having a bet"

It's the work we have to do to maintain it thats the key, if not we know the result the bulb blows, showering not just us with broken glass.

Off to the supermarket now, got a cake to bake later, Dont know if we can fit all them candles on it Ed!! lol, oh and weight training later!! Bumps to dish out !!

I wont be having a bet today, my lights switched on!! No bet today in big neon letters!1

Duncs stepping forward never back.