Abstain and maintain.Stepping forward never back.

Just read through a chunk of your diary. You ARE an inspiration. I've also noticed the repeated and sound advice you've given in others' diaries about removing one or more of TML... Time - Money - Location...Makes sense because if you do have TML you have Too Many Losses! Thank you for being here and sharing your journey.

I echo all what Carla has said Duncan. Your supportive post to my diary at a time when I was feeling very low has inspired me as does your diary. It gives me hope.

Well done for coming such a long way. Thank you once again.

Forwards not back.

Jewels

Afternoon diary.

well the response to the new thread was by and large a good thing, I hope it serves a purpose to those wish to use it.

Thanks for all the kind words again. Two things come to my mind reading them, I came to this forum a broken man, I did not know what it would bring, I was drowning in the destruction my compulsion to gamble had caused. That first day I recieved a reply from Smiler whom gifted me something my addiction had told me over and over was not there. that was BELIEF, a belief in the simple facts that I was not alone, another thing addiction had made me believe and BELIEF that there was a way.

He wrote a few words but words I will never forget. The second thing is When I walked into GA for the first time I did not know what to expect, truthfully I don't remember a great deal of that first meeting, it was a blurr but over the following days I started to see that the message they conveyed was simple, Gamble free or if you have a bet come back next week, I saw those fella's a mixed bag of folk who all shared the same thing in life, they had BELIEF in a gamble free life.

I would have taken any help I could after I came home to face my wife and tell her the mess I had made of our life, the theft, lies and deceit I had waged upon those I professed to love the most.

The thing is along side this forum and GA I do understand what it is to have the support of the person I let my addiction f#u*k over the most, my Sarah Has always seen the best in me, she always has defended my wrongs and her love has been unconditional, truthfully I think she didnt want to believe that I was in so deep.

I had lost a purpose in my life I had just become an addict who would have sold his own mother to feed his addiction, sh#it I would have sold my kids to feed it.

So when I was offered another way, the gift I was given to be able to live in parrallell with my addiction, to learn to respect it's power and feed my emotions into suceeding without gambling is a BELIEF that is as strong today as it was that first day I looked for help and recieved it.

I have heard it before and I am too proud to say that GA saved my life.

It is not a change in my religion, I dont have one, it is not a change in my personality, gambling stole that and through my learnings I have it back, it is plain and simple.

Those guys I sit with for two hours a week because today I want to dose up on the medicine and I want to help others find the belief in themselves too, here on the forum I wish the same that each and every person I post to has the BELIEF in themselves too.

As it boils down to making a choice.

mine was made easier with the help I was given and keeps giving

My name is Duncan I am a compulsive gambler no bet today.

Stepping forward never back.

Afternoon diary.

After following the thread on rgc's diary linking to a newspaper article written in todays mail regarding a compulsive gamblers demise through addiction.

After reading the article online I read the 140 responses left regarding the said article.

Well from it I learn a few things, there is a great deal of folks out there who have a view that gambling addiction does not exist. The mail has strange ethics as a gambling website advert flashes down the right hand side of the page were you are invited to post comments.

So after reading another tale of the devastation gambling reeks upon the compulsive gambler I again thanked my own sanctuary. For that i am ever grateful.

Duncs

Hello Duncs....

A quicky here, firstly TY. You've put the second 'c' into click by something you wrote on another diary.

The riddle there is im just this minute back from my 1st blur! ie meeting! Time to ponder now, because truthfully my jusy is out, will persevere. But still need to get something i'm not sure on?

Anyway ramble, ramble confused.com.

You bought another smile to this face with your post on my diary and still having 5.15 in vinyl, thanks again....

And now you've got it on GC.....

http://youtu.be/G5b0_v5eAkc

And in my delusion, im the chap in the red T-shirt

http://youtu.be/PdLIerfXuZ4

Strength to you and clan

Hey Duncs

Just a flyer to say that I've started my new second job..getting shouted at by sweating chefs..lol .have to do my food handling thingy ..

Followed your new thread , didn't write as think its pretty obvious where I stand on it which is not in the fence..lol ..but letting sleeping dogs lie..

Have to get on with my own recovery and keep moving forward ..some thing you inspire me to do...always forward,

.

R and D xx

Evening diary.

Thanks Paul and Rach.

With honesty i had questioned my own presence here over the last week. I felt gamcares post isolated my beliefs and I was going about recovery in the wrong way.

Imposing a belief i have without caution or thinking about what was best for the other person.

It led me to believe I should move all my commitment to GA as that is were it belongs.

Then i read Pauls own thread and the light got turned back on.

I will never stop believing in myself and my own recovery.

I feel i have earnt my own self respect. Why not show it.

Four people have joined the diaries tonight. All asked for help.

I can only try and gift what was gifted to me.

Abstinence the gift that does keep giving.

Thankyou Paul. I salute you.

No bet today. My choice to remain a winner.

Duncs stepping forward never back.

Hey Duncs ..

Just wanted to share a few of my thinks in relation to what you are saying ...from my experience in meetings I can remember the caveat of the 12 steps working by "attraction not promotion " which is really difficult when you have a sense of urgency and care for the welfare of others....

I impose beliefs because I'm not perfect but it's based 100% on the hard bedrock of experience and 15 yrs around 12 step recovery and seeing it from all angles ..

I guess for me with my background in Al Anon/AA the recovery those people have is based on total abstinence as the alternative is physical death...recovery is life and death for those people.

Gambling has a high suicide rate as you know so in my mind it's still life and death.

Gambling as far as I can see does not cause cirrhosis of the liver but in my opinion that of all the addictions it is a slower death and a slow dismantling of the human mind,soul and psyche whereby the person afflicted does literally turn into another personality and is lost ..a lot like Alzheimer's ....unrecognisable as the person you love is no longer "there" and their attention is elsewhere and they are absent and removed from real life...

With alcohol the negative effects are obvious ...and for most functioning alcoholics the personality is quite stable unless withdrawn from for a period of time then it is Jekyll and Hyde..but again very recognisable to all and visible ..

Having experienced both addictions at close range from an observatory capacity I believe gambling is far more destructive to the person and also the people who live with it because its more insidious and invisible but it's effects are far worse and have more far reaching consequences as it can cause the total destruction of entire family units ...

I don't say that as a judgement ...only to illustrate that this is why I also have very strong opinions about controlling any addiction and my allegience will always be with 12 step or in its absence ..abstinence,

In meetings the ones who chose abstinence are the ones who are sitting around now with 15 -20 yrs recovery behind them and would not compromise what they have worked for or the people that they love....even with slips it doesn't matter to me ...it's about the Intention to want to stop.

Abstinence is the gift that keeps giving whereas controlling is the jailer that keeps you ever more in prison....

For me personally I would not want to be dependant on something that could potentially harm me ..i wouldn't want to be held hostage ..not even if my jailer gave me great food and a TV to watch...deep down I'd always know I wasn't free.

R and D xx always forward xx

Evening diary.

Rach thanks for the insightful post. Reading it felt like ripping the gaff tape off that i have found covering my eyes of late. For it i thankyou. Felt a bit like a hostage there for a while. I think I am correct in saying i am not the first.

The honourable gt/nt is the most prominent in my mind who got so confused by the 'message' that they left before it did further damage to there own recovery.

For me it's plain and simple I have enough to focus on dealing with the sh#it my addiction brought to my life. f**k me I don't need external influence to bring any more I have a lifetimes work to rectify the sh#it i caused all on my own

My own relentless pursuit to live a life without waging any more destruction is without doubt the most important thing in my life. There is for me no half measures i am simply all in.

Those twelve steps of my own interpretation are a huge part of that. They help to build my resolve and retain focus on what's important to me.

Nothing is more important than recovery.

My own recovery, I arrested my addiction on the 23/01/2012 and from that day i have truly embraced all life has thrown my way.

My resolve has been strengthened today by your kind thoughtful words. For that i thank you.

My Sarah is home from her break, looking as beautiful as ever, everyone looking forward to what tomorrow brings.

For sure it was made better without me feeding my addiction today.

My name is Duncan i am a compulsive gambler no bet today.

Abstain and maintain

stepping forward never back.

Hey Duncs

You are not going about recovery the wrong way , you have never pushed GA and always kept the focus on your own recovery...

I think your inspire people and your determination is 500% ..you are not playing at your recovery because equally like me you know it is life or death too...

People on the forum will look up to you as someone who "did it" and continues doing it day at a time ..

I'm also not playing at it either and am 500% determined to not let that demon run amok in my thoughts ...

in my book Duncs ..you're a winner ! Xxx

Hi Duncs,

You are such a great and strong person. Your determination shines through and you are always the first at this door to greet lost souls looking for a way out..You should be so proud of yourself, you got the best gift ever - your life back!

You give your all to treasure your life...good or bad, and you are such a big inspiration to us all. May your honesty shines the road for all of us, it's the most important thing we forget, when we loose ourselves in destruction.

Thank you for your kind and wise words, which helps me to open my eyes on this journey.

Have a great day and enjoy it all with your loved ones. You sure deserve it!

Day at a time

Sandra x

Keep posting your experience ,strength and hopes Duncs ...

You have helped so many people out of the darkness into the light...

If your having a break then won't hassle ya..just to let you know your missed xx

Yo,

You know Duncs , what you say in your last few posts is so true .

Do not loose site on how far you have come from those dark dark days when you were in the throws of your addiction. Through that you have gained knowledge and empathy which you gift to others in the hope that a word , a sentence may aid them in this mine field of recovery we walk through .

At the end of the day , we are adults , we can choose what to read, we can decide ourselves if want to go to GA, self cancel , what ever . But knowledge is the key.

Without having people like yourself who share their experiences , how can the addict make informed decisions . Or have a belief that there is a way to arrest this addiction, you and I both know that at times in our lives we thought we had sunk so low that there was no way back.

You have have had a profound positive impact on many people on this site , and I put myself right at the top of that list . Keep doing what you are doing mate , it's working for you ( first and foremost which is the most important thing) but in doing that it is working for more people than I think you realise .

For that to coin a fraze of your own, I salute you !

Shiny xxxxxxxxx

Glad your ok with yourself and your recovery once more. Recovery from gambling is different for each individual but I think what helps one will pretty much help another and I don't think each recovery is that much different from another's. I think as a member that has over a years worth of gamble free time you know what helps you fight this addiction and what is helping you beat this addiction and I think you should pass that on and I'm sure it'll help many on here, some may feel its not for them or might pick and choose certain things for themselves and leave other bits behind but that's what this recovery and this site is all about sharing our own ideas of recovery and then others can use what they know will help them and leave anything they know won't help. I haven't seen your new thread yet but have heard it mentioned as I've been doing the rounds and everyone's been saying its a good idea. I shall check it out. Have a good weekend.

DMac,

From reading your previous posts I cannot believe you would ever question your place on this forum. Without you I don't think I would bother. You are what I want. You are the example that says to me there is a guy just like me who turned his life around through hard work, dedication and self belief. I know that this addiction can be arrested only because of a guy like you who is actually doing it. Personally, I think this forum should have a separate diary for people like you who have stopped gambling for over a year. It would provide hope for everyone else. There will be new people on here who might not have read your diary only because it is so long (I have been guilty of this with others) and this is a terrible shame. I count myself very lucky to have joined the forum only a short time after you so benefit of knowing your story from start to present.

P.S. How hard is it for someone like me who doesn't cook very often to make a risotto. Talking something quite basic here. I love risotto and always get in restaurants. Had a mushroom one once and it was the most amazing thing ever. See when they talk about adding stock how are you supposed to know how much. Also, is the stock just a few chicken stock cubes in boiling water?

You will never find me on MasterChef.

Tomso.