Abstain and maintain.Stepping forward never back.

Hi Dunc... 601 days. Well done that man! 🙂

Hey Duncs

I just want to mirror what other's have posted- a massive congratulations on 601 days gamble free (sorry I missed day 600- typical Irene!).

Thanks also for allowing me to share the latter part of your "journey". Reading your experiences and optimism does influence my thinking.

Take care and have a great Sunday!

Irene

x

DMac,

Surpassing 600 days without gambling is an absolute dream come true. You have earned it nobody can deny you that. You are a true inspiration to all on this forum.

I can relate to what you say about the impact of negative people i.e. your neighbour. Recovery is all about being positive about yourself and your future and sadly others don't like this. Your positivity always shines through.

Tomso.

You are always very supportive to others, and to me, and it really is appreciated. 'Thanks'.

As for you, well, it's fantastic that you're still posting after such a long time clear. Many drop away after a time. 600 days (nearly 2 years, wow!) is more than a lot of us can think of in one step. As I can more than vouch, be aware of the unexpected which can take you by surprise, even now. Not that I'm one to preach! Just putting in my personal experience and I'm sure that of many others.

Well done!

Dunc.

Well done on the "600" , as you know, i'm 40 behind you so keep it going !!!

Best wishes mate,

gazza

afternoon diary.

thanks folks. milkman you hit the nail on the head.

I post each day because For me I know this is a life choice.

I gifted gambling twenty years dedication, so for me it's relative that 600 days is truly only dipping my toe in the water regards recovery. there is no end game to recovery but I enjoy various anniversaries something which gambling did not gift me. Each win became more hollow as my addiction progressed and with it my sense of reality warped.

Recovery has gifted me many things to which I know life is a working progress.

602 days ago I left behind the man I had become, the arrogant bloke who's answer to everything was in a fold of bills, whose excuse for everything wrong was to be found at others feet, who stopped listening to his rational self and in doing so had become isolated through gambling.

So I thank you for your ongoing support, I take from recovery what I put in, I wish you all the same.

It is for me about an educated choice. there is absolutely No room for any form of gambling in my life, I cannot stake a pound on the lottery or a football accumulator again as I know that first bet will again start the cycle.

that ever decreasing circle of destruction, the return of the bloke who foolishly thought he would find the answer in a bet, the bloke who thought he was admired by gamblers and bookmakers alike. the truth is as a compulsive gambler in action I was faceless, since I started recovery i have had two very meaningfull conversations with the manager of the local bookmakers, both in the local supermarket which both times she has commented on the way I look today, in her words a happy healthy bloke, she said I always looked angry when i was at it. truth is I was.

again as my Ma posted on here a while ago, this is not a rehearsal you do only get one chance.

Me I spent enough time f*****g things up.

For that I am overjoyed in what I have.

a half full glass and a reason.

Duncs stepping forward never back.

Great post Dunc's. Reading your positive outlook certainly helps. Like you say, no end game to recovery, always a work in progress. Thanks for your uplifting thoughts... S.A 🙂

Hi mate, a massive well done on passing 600 days, you must be well chuffed. I'll hopefully keep on following your footsteps.

Cheers for the post on my diary. I think Palace are generally playing very well as a team but not causing enough problems up top. Completely robbed for the penalty on Sat, I just hope we get something out of the next two games, both of which I will be attending, Swansea at home and then your enemies Southampton away.

Pompey will return some day, they will find a big investor again some day.

Hey Duncs

10 months clocked up today. Life has certainly changed for the better. Family has their husband and father back, I have my wife and children back. Work is good, outlook on life is stronger and happier. Thank you so much for all your support. You've been immense.

Never saw this day coming 10 months ago. Didn't dream it was possible but here I am.

Supporting you always.

Happy G

Morning Diary.

Well I had a fantastic suprise last night, a fella whom posted his frustrations on the forum regarding his own demise into the darkest place this addiction takes you.He was contemplating taking his own life five weeks ago, well he sent me a lovely text, he is a month gamble free and long may it continue!!!!

Today that got me thinking about the boundries of this addiction, it really does have a vicious nature, it will only ever keep taking right up to the point were you would consider gifting it your life.

That is why today I felt compelled to post upon the honourable SA's thread, something which in recent weeks I have sought not to do, why??

Because in recovery I am learning to sit back and think before I jump in head first, I don't like the feeling that I took the bait and am dangling off a hook, but frankly today I do carry thwe strongest opinion toward gambling and it's relationship with the compulsive gambler.

Because this is without doubt how it works for me. gambling in any form for me will gift my addiction acceptance, like I put the banners back out above the door and threw my addiction a 'welcome home' party It does'nt matter to my addiction what form it takes is bounty, if it be the lottery, the bookies even a flip of a coin to see who buys the first round, without doubt it will reel me back in.

My addiction only truthfully gets to invade my dreams these days, it taps away at my subconcious to try and tempt me back.

Back to what???

Suicide?? thats were i was heading last time, homeless?? that also was upon the cards.

Fact

I cannot win because I cannot stop.

The mantra of every single compulsive gambler I have ever met, I have seen systems, high rollers,low rollers, professionals and folk who played slots in an arcade to all of which follow this mantra.

The end result is always the same, they lose all they have and some.

So today I will bang the drum, because I don't want to read of any more Lady Febs, who after a great period of abstinence found new pain through there phone, or Andy who went through a great period of abstinence and self exclusion to find himself online, Why??

Because gambling will for the compulsive gambler do one thing.

f**k you left right and center.

Those hooks come in many forms today, heck they even dredge the bottom to tempt us.

For me there is only one way, that way I will continue to read post's from andy and lady feb regarding there continued abstinence.

Because they did win because they did stop.

My name is Duncan I am a compulsive gambler NO bet since 23/01/2012

Stepping forward never back.

Hey Duncs ...you are spot on there and as always are 100 consistently committed to your recovery.

I know you are in GA and have created your own interpretation of the 12 steps which I think is great.

One thing that I learned in AA and Al Anon was that trying to control addiction through willpower alone is not enough for the long haul.Even in a best case scenario the underlying issues of why the person is gambling are never addressed.

I also believe you have to go cold turkey and myself included in that . For all my reading,knowledge and understanding and controlling it has not been enough for me to quit my particular destructive behaviour.

I have big gaps between episodes like those people you speak of here ..then something triggers that I have not accounted for and it back again,

I have had to admit I am powerless. Of course there have been days on my diary that I have white lied..not in a bad way but lets say I have underplayed things that did not read consistently with my recovery . I guess it was that I didn't want to admit to myself I was still out of control and loose face and I didn't want anyone who may read my diary away from us postees to see that after 2 yrs I'm still f****d..

Even with all my strategies in place I am still not alright jack..I have not found the formula that is going to keep me protected from loss or the shame of not being on top of this...there isn't one and you have to surrender.

R and D xxx

Hey Duncs,

Great last post from you and I agree with every word, I have risked everything for gambling, my sanity, my family, my health, my job, my relationships, my fiancial security.... The list is endless.

Do I want to risk that again, Without question NO, is total abstience working for me, YES above anything else I have tried before it is working.

For me recovery like you is not just about abstaining it is about getting rid of the EGO, opening my mind, changing how i think, letting go of the control, gratitude and all the other things that recovery can gift you.

Holding on to even a small piece of something that will ultimatly destroy me is not an option I am willing to take.

Keep doing what your doing duncs, you are and always will be a shining example for everyone who wants recovery to follow.

take care

Blondie x

Hi Duncs, I'm so pleased you are still strong. Excellent last post. I too keep reminding myself of where gambling led me to in the past. Suicide, homelessness, depression were all in my life during my darkest days. Stay strong. BB

morning Diary.

Thanks Rach and Blondie I am fully commited to a belief I was given, it did'nt cost a penny and has reaped me far more than any win in the bookies ever did, never mind those scratchcards or lucky dips brought to try and recoup losses or truthfully fund more outings to the bookies.

For me that is it in a nutshell, my gambling life revolved around gambling, everything else played second fiddle.

I can flower it up talking about the placepots that netted thousands, the maximum individual stake waged on the fobt that provided a winner oh all the winning!!

But the truth is I would be letting my addiction talk and mute the fella that lives inside, the fella that lurked in the shadows for twenty years, who got further and further withdrawn from life itself.

That is something that cuts deep inside to write, you the reader, someone I have never met, my wife, mum or my kids this is the truth, I know there are many who probally read and think, his family must be mad, standing by to witness the devestation that this fella let gambling bring to his door.

Oh I don't kid myself there are more days than not were I find myself with my inner thoughts thinking how did I pull that one off.

Truth is I dont have the answer to why they stood by and supported me, but this much I do know today is not about competition, bragging rights, today is for me solely about recovery, to let yourself become so embroiled in something so destructive, to let it truly break you and those around you endure so much suffering through the lies and deciept, recovery brings me to the place I am today.

I will continue to use my diary as a chart of my personal recovery, it helps me greatly, the humility it brings through other folks words fuels my passion for it's continuence.

I accept that not everyone will subscribe to my beliefs I have found through my recovery, but I will continue to relay the wonderful words that folk have bestowed upon me.

Bob thankyou for gifting me that triangle,

Smilers be kind to yourself, Shiny's keep on keeping on and the annon who gifted me those words Abstain and Maintain (I think it may have been delgirl??)

See these are a mix of Ga members and forum members who took the time to show me my lights guide, to gift me a belief.

I do not know the creed, colour or religious conitations of any of you but you did all have the same outlook.

TO BELIEVE IN YOURSELF.

None of these folk invented a wheel, they dont claim to have found a system they all for free just passed on the gift of recovery.

For me the compulsive gambler it means this, I will not wage a single penny today, the door is open, I stare my addiction straight in the eye, I respect it, something it does'nt gift back, again I say this there is nothing wrong with gambling unless like me you had a compulsion to do it, gambling gifted me recovery.

To my Sarah, my kids, my mum and anyone else I wronged through my Addiction I am again sorry, truly sorry for my actions.

I cannot change the past but all these good honest people help me to change my future.

My name is Duncan I am a compulsive gambler NO bet since 23/01/2012

The day I saw myself in the shadow to which I stepped forward and never back.

Hi Duncan

Great great post spells everything out why and how this wonderful site works , it really is an education a learning and the for me the most important it gives us an opportunity to have that better life I truly believe all the answers are here by sharing our journeys helping and supporting others

I know this is your daily medicine like mine and ultimately it's about the individual but we have a gift of information now that we can pass on to others and not many do it better than you

As always full respect to you

Castle2