Abstain and maintain.Stepping forward never back.

Yo,

Dusty's gone back in her box lol

Harmony , I agree with all you said . Accept who we are, the good , the exceptional,bad and the ugly . Then unless we are prepared to have a lobotomy , learn to live along side it.

Not strive to irradiate, cos I do not believe its possible .

But let us be in control of our addictive personalities , not the addictions control us .

Shiny xx

Good morning my friend. We care a lot x

Loving the advert idea, I'm thinking I turn into a fairly good copy of Gollum when I get the cravings, dribbles and all.

Good to see the family supporting you.

Stay safe

xxx

That's right Duncs, ( and Shiny ) to not let the addictions control us OR, define us. Battle on one day at a time. -joanxxxxx

Note to self let your phone send your post with patience lol if not each post is duplicated.

Duncs. Techno idiot!!!!!!!

Evening diary.

Thanks for the support folks i do from it take great heart.

Read a post or two tonight and feel i have again topped up on my resolve. One huge thing i take from reading and the same from my ga room is there is in alot of our natures a need to compare ourselves to others, to do this i can see can be in one hand very destructive, as the grass always seems greener on the other side. And this results in a kind of bitterness which for my mind can only lead us to become more unsatisfied with our lot, then the other side of making comparisons gifts a healthy outlook. When i read about the little successes and the changes recovery gifts folks efforts this is something to aspire to.

I today can again truly see the positives abstinence brings, that sense of inner peace has again returned. For me there is one huge contending factor which brings us all here. We all have been hugely affected by addiction. The compulsion to gamble was not a life choice for any of us, to a man not one person i have encountered set out to become a compulsive gambler, no matter how educated we were to the destruction this addiction reaps in my case i lived it first hand as a child, addiction still became my life.

For twenty years it played havoc with my emotional and financial state, it really did take all i had to give and more, now in recovery i can only see positive outcome in making a choice. Yes there is shame to live with, yes i could question why i took so long to see the damage but why dwell on the past. My lifes work has become bigger than worrying about what other folk areup to, how ever green there grass may seem, becaus for all of us surely we gift ourselves our own garden, our own patch of grass. Life today is about learning to tend that garden, i embrace the lessons others gift, without envy i can focus on the job at hand.

Today my space forefilled by making a choice, no bet today, because i again further understand what harmony is.

My name is duncan i am a compulsive gambler stepping forward never back.

Hey Duncs ...Inspiring post there and got me thinking. What I believe is that the grass isn't greener on the other side ..it's just different grass with a different set of responsibilities.

If cash really is the be all then no celebrity would ever be in rehab ..right?

When you think about it there is only one you and no other person will ever have lived the exact same life as you so in that way we can't compare ourselves to anyone.

I always remember from my meetings people saying the worst thing about recovery is you get yourself back and the best thing about recovery is you get yourself back....it really is learning to find out who we are and often surprising ourselves along the way.

The small things are the ones that make me tick,even now typing this I'm thinking here is a fella who has never met me yet knows the real me whereas so many people in my life don't.

Timing is a wonderful thing..and I have got so much from sharing this part of my life with folks on here..Sometimes I see the forum like a holiday whereby we have all met and shared an experience but when we all go "home" one day we shall never forget those people as you "had to be there" ...

It's things like that that make me smile ..on my deathbed I won't be worrying too much about how many coffers I have in the bank...in fact ,without being morbid I read a book once on the subject and the only thing the dying do ask on their deathbed is "did I love ? and was I loved?"

I think my friend you and your family have a love story to tell that will carry through many generations of your family line in the future ..

R and D. Xxx

DMac,

Just checking in to make sure all is O.K. in your world.

Tomso.

Morning diary.

Thanks rach for again understanding from the other side of the fence, this helps me in my quest for balance.

Tomso fella, I am just busy trying to earn my way out of the recent hole I dug for me and mine, and gambling will not be in that equation, blocks in place again and the mindset I work so hard for has again the hold once more over my addiction.

tonight I have another session booked with another counceller to which again I go with an open mind, I really am looking for the reasons why I relapsed, why after 21 months I quickly reverted to type, this cannot and will not happen again.

Abstinence is for me the only way to live, I am fully aware of that and will do all in my power to remain in abstinence.

My name is Duncan I am a compulsive gambler NO bet today.

Stepping forward never back.

Hey Duncs,

You doing great my friend..i know how hard is to get ourselves back on a straight and narrow..You don't have to keep gambling..to keep feeling the pain inside. But YOU are worth it..Your family is worth it and i am very proud of you for taking the best steps in this recovery...Moving forward..no looking back..

Day at a time

Sandra x

Evening diary.

Thanks Sandra your right you don't need to gamble to feel the pain, it is there for me today the same as it's been since day one of recovery. Had a good session with councillor going to look into the cbt, a good way move forward for me, I can see it helping me progress. The thing that stood out today was for me I have to have closure on things. In my personal and professional life I have to finish one thing before I start another or my brains all over the place. Regarding gambling this will never be the case it will always be there, so I need to come at it from another angle one which will enable my mind to keep it at a safe distance but never assume I am cured.

I think that is addictions trump card in recovery. Certainly was for me, lift a carpet and kick it under and without doubt it will crawl back out and bite my backside.

I know this method won't work for all, I relate to what Andy said today about thinking about gambling when he comes here and for him it's unhealthy.

Again showing that recovery is bespoke.

I hope the way folk choose works for them, me I know more today than yesterday that gambling does and will be part of my life for life. Just not an active one. Again I stand in the eye of my storm. Life improves, my mindset stronger and my resolve one of determination.

Nothing will derail my belief in my choice.

Today that choice was to remain gamble free. Just for today.

I again refuse to judge others through my own failings, a thing my addiction to gambling brought to the fore, a pessimistic self centered, woe is me attitude.

No wonder folk stopped listening , believing. Truth is whengambling I don't believe in myself either, I live a very hollow existence. Thankfully one again today I stepped forward from again.

My name is duncs I am a compulsive gambler no bet today.

No going back.

"Nothing will derail my belief in my choice" ..

WOW! .those are powerful words Duncs and as always I can see the passion shining through for what you believe in.

Passion and fire in the belly are all that is necessary ..rocket fuel ..and your hard work will do the rest..

Always forward

((((D))))

R and D. Xxx

Afternoon diary.

What a fantastic achievemant to see Irene complete a years continued abstinence.

For it be very proud, it is a huge thing, the holy grail is maintained abstinence, for that is what is there for all who make a choice to take it.

Read a post upon captains thread regarding the recent relapses and there changing of the demographic of the forum, to which I gave it a great deal of thought and conclude that the forum rely's on continued abstinence to feed the lifeblood into it, we all by and large need to follow targets and goals. Some set by us and others set by outside influences. And I thank Captain for again putting the focus back onto what is the most important thing for all compulsive gamblers, ABSTINENCE.

Yes you have to want it, you really have to want to end the misery that gambling reaps on your life and with that the change and opportunity that comes with it.

Who is right??

the spiritualist, the realist, the doctor, councellor, author of a book, ga, the forum editors.

The answer for me is none of them are wrong in what they say, it is surely about how the addict takes what they are given and how they use the information to there end.

To promote it

Please bang your drums!!

to believe in it

Well that is up to the individual is it not, no matter were there own personal journey is, they can give and recieve information/advice to suit thm and their own recovery.

For me I have had a great deal of personal questions to answer the past few days and from it the shining light, the thing that stands out is Recovery through abstinence. This is the oracle, the grail, to abstain and maintain, there is no end game, of that I learnt through a very hard lesson 11 days ago. Today there are goals to be made and many pleasurable targets to be found

Again I thank Captain for showing me too that there is a shame in silence, you do have to say what you believe, and for that I thank you.As today I again believe in myself, I don't need the crutch of gambling in my life, I am an addict who will stand by my addictions side, not shackled any longer by the misery it reaps each time I place a bet.

My name is Duncan Mcquilken I am a compulsive gambler NO bet today stepping forward never back.

Note to fellow gamcarers.

I am foolishly growing a movember tash, a ridiculus upsidedown handlebar type lol, and 13 days in and it is itching like mad!!!

Any ideas??

Razor's not allowed!! until the 30th!!!

Regards duncs

Lol Lol

Hey Duncs

you said something there (many things ) that has truly struck a chord.

You are right ..abstinence is the lifeblood of the forum.

Before I stopped reading certain diaries on here I was feeling a bit guilty about us having a laugh and joke and banter on here and then it struck me! By talking about things OTHER than gambling the lifeblood in our veins returns!

Why give more airtime to the "gambling devil" who has already taken so much of a persons heart, mind and soul away???

Don't you think the Ol devil would just love the attention that's been given to it ...keeping it alive and giving it more power than it has.

Shout your choice of recovery from the rooftops my friend because the less time we all talk about the demon gambling in longer term recovery the blummin better ...why give it more attention?

Plus it shows other so that their is a life "after" gambling ..people need to see and hear that ..

Also ..a big thing that's overlooked ..in talking about other things and chit chatting away on here bonds are formed and people come out of isolation..another great way of keeping the Ol devil at bay cos as we know it LOVES isolation and it LOVES lonliness... That's how it sneaks in.

((((( DUNCS)))))) ...top banana!!! Xxx