Abstain and maintain.Stepping forward never back.

dont post very often, but just popping to see all is ok with you

Hi dunc I just read your post on captains diary thank you it made me see sense again today have been having little urges for a while your post has just help dampen them me to as a compulsive gambler i cannot bet selectively as I just throw it at everything once I start = failure, thanks again have a good day.

The bear

Thanks for the post Dunc and Yes I think there are different levels and definitions of compulsive.

I have been compulsive to the point of borrowing and stealing money left right and centre for over 20 years to amass huge debts. Others say they are compulsive because they lose their wages every month but at the same time they have savings and money for separate things and would never dream of borrowing money to gamble. I think those in that circumstance are problem gamblers who want to cut down or stop but they are not truly compulsive as their addiction doesnt lead to behaviour outwith the norm like maxing out overdrafts and credit cards and stealing.

My winnings have gone to reduce a debt - any winnings do.

I am still as compulsive as ever and still as addicted as ever to random and always will be but I have managed to separate that out and omit it from my life after 5 years of trying.

Best wishes

Hi Duncs,

Thank you for your post on my diary. I hope that all is well.

Best wishes

Dave

afternoon diary

thanks dave good to see you about the forum, using it to maximise your resolve to remove the destruction from your life.

Captain very well written reply fella, sometimes I think it is easy to misjudge folk, pigeon hole their behaviour's and make conclusions to which based upon the facts you are given and be wholly wrong.

Live and learn my attitude.

In reading Captains reply I can see how some folk would become enraged, more so the non compulsive gambler, I.E my better half, she would just see his admittence to gambling as a weakness, that all forms of gambling for us the compulsive gambler are destructive in there nature and lead to no good outcome. this is actually on Sarah's part very little to do with the actual financial implications and more to do with the behaviours that come with active gambling.

The lying, withdrawn attitude and the selfish nature that comes from her own experiences of living within my addiction for twenty years.

I cannot reitterate enough her feelings are made up of the real life experience of my change in behaviour when I gamble.

I am literally like a 'ticking bomb' looking for any reason to run to my addiction, the results are ever decreasing in there nature.

I would simply not function without the 'bet' and all else could go to hell in a hand cart.

So do I think there is a way for me to erradicate the behaviours associated with my gambling and still somehow maintain a level of controlled betting in my life??

NO

the simple answer for me is a massive NO because when I gamble I really do lose all rational thinking and common sense.

If I saw a losing run, which I believe after hammering the fobt's for such a prolonged period Yes without doubt I could 'see it coming'

Would I stop???

Actually I would will myself on to lose, to get it over with. In dong this I would simply repeat the cycle again at my next opportunity. This today typing I can see the utter madness in it.

So for me I simply have a choice to make.

To abstain 100% and concentrate on bettering my excistence through making such a choice.

Talking with Sarah last night I layed my soul bare to this fact, that yes addiction will be with me for life, it will always lurk in the corner looking for a way back in but by the process of re-education that I have embarked upon there becomes less room for the mind f**k that gambling brings to my life.

This day one month ago the wheels started turning in motion for me to look for the answer in a bet, to find the solution to a short term financial problem by waging what we had in the hope's to 'gamble' my way out of trouble.

And in that I turned to the fobt, the thing that beat me up wholesale, it was always going to be a futile event to which the outcome was more of a financial hole.

Did I learn, big time, this month the bills will be facilitated, some debt will be furnished and life moves on at a great pace.

We actually talked about the future yesterday, for the first time in a long time, we started to formulate a plan.

We need to consider our old age, something we have, or I let addiction never get a look in, we need to consider our future, our long term outlook, which to be fair is what we make it.

I can today see for the first time in a long time what our efforts combined can reap us.

Our efforts now will be rewarded in the long term.

Today I again look at the 'bigger picture'

Gambling steals that oppotunity from me, so I like Captain today too feel like a winner.

I did win because I did stop.

Why do I write this, because I want it there for all to see, it's been a great lesson, in truth for me the biggest yet in my recovery.

So is it ok to relapse. For me NO, gambling is an unacceptable event, it simply has no part to play in the big picture, it for this compulsive gambler is a head f**k I don't want, need or believe is necersary for my own journey to prosper.

I will hold the memory of my last bet, that walk of shame, the self loathing feeling it gifted me, along with the great shame of giving to something that already had it's fill.

For me my life is about Abstaining and maintaining.

Maintaining my belief in myself to do the right thing.

NO bet today.

My name is Duncan I am a compulsive gambler stepping forward never back.

Hi Duncs and a thought provoking post there..

I have to say I am 100 % even more committed in my opinion about controlled gambling,perhaps more so and even more polarised.

As you know my friend ..It's not the money...it's the fact that someone whom I was putting as a priority was putting 4 screens ,a punt ,and a chase ahead of our relationship and I was way down the priority list.If it wasn't a horse chase it would be skirt as he had designs on being a swinger.. ( now that's a load of people whom id like to shout "put your clothes on" at ...lol )

The only equivalent balancing of the books in my opinion would be have controlled booty calls and ones whereby I could seduce my bloke of choice on the living room floor in front of my beloved and then justify it by saying "I just don't get the same excitement with you dear" ...it's not personal ..

Part of me often wishes I'd stayed the course to actually put this into practice and just sit back and see how it was not taken "personally"..lol

Duncs ..I admire you 100% because you are not an utterly selfish ,self centred man..You are a big hearted and generous winner..and I for one think the world of you and think Sarah is terrific and I respect you both 100%

((((D and S )))

Duncs

thanks for the reply and I do think it shows some progress on this Forum that no-one replied to my post about winning last weekend before you whereas a couple of months ago there would have been abusive and unsavoury responses coming my way. I reckon people now either ignore me or respect me even if my recovery route is so different from their own.

You and I have had our differences on here but I think we now fully respect each other in terms of who we are and what we want to achieve. Glad we are at this point and in communication. All anyone can do is fight this addiction and recover in their chosen way and use this Forum in the best way for that individual and we are both doing that.

Dunc,

Thanks for your continued support and moving me along from 666!!

Glad to read you are doing well.

cheers for now mate,

gazza

Afternoon diary

Thanks folks for the open and honest replies, all good for this fella's soul.

Regarding Captains words, I think I feared the writings of his thread in our first communications, a fatal mistake, as gambling is in my mind the soul responability of the addict, I have said many times and will continue to bang the drum

Recovery is bespoke, we all have to find a way to conquer our addiction.

By fearing what words someone types gifted addiction an edge, that old whispering in the ear 'see he is winning' and that in my life was always another destructive issue of my own addiction, to see another person winning on an fobt would compell me to raise my own stakes as I let addiction talk me into thinking that I was in some sort of competition with other gamblers, that to say your could not back a winner in a one horse race was taboo, a huge no no.

This I know just added to the losses, f**k the other fella's in the bookies most probally had the same feeling, to sit and see the numbers backed by them hit your machine and vice versa just adding to the madness, compelling you to surge on until the walk of shame, I did always follow the same pattern when this happened, even with a win, I would simply raise the stakes further to show myself the bigger man!!

Truth is for me there are no heroes in the bookies, in my twenty years of gambling there were no legends, in truth just the legacy of a long list of losers, like lemmings we would walk in zone out and after emptying our wallets leave.

To the laughter of the rest, I am sad to say I myself relished the demise of other gamblers, it compelled me to think today is my lucky day!!! LOL

So today the polar opposite.

I have a relentless want and desire to see all problem gamblers stop the madness that is gambling in their lives.

But that I know too well is a double edged sword.

You can only help the folk who want help.

Again I am under no delusions of grandeur because those statistics bring me straight back to earth, 3% of compulsive gamblers go a year gamble free and that statistic lessens as those who make it to a year go on to see two gamble free consecutive years.

To this I wish I had the answer.

It I know won't be found in a bookmakers or casino.

It will in sobering truth only come when folk have enough of losing.

Me I had my fill I don't want to lose another penny.

So just for today NO BET

My name is duncan I am a compulsive gambler stepping forward never back.

Thanks Duncs...

I'm glad it's not just me ...I know for different reasons we both avoid writing on f&f side and I respect your reasons too..

In the early days I was highly sympathetic on there and wanted to save people but as I have progressed in recovery it stirs up anger as it reminds me of how I was played like a fiddle as the clip I posted on enabling shows. I did not expect that if I'm honest..I thought I would continue to be highly sympathetic.

My attitude now is like the 4 guys on the stage , sort of incredulous with lots of head shaking.

This is why I can not give even a sliver of credence or positive feedback when it comes to any form of controlled betting .

I cannot let that insanity in on any level as It painfully reminds me of the idiot I was when being conned and sold this "controlled" line by the ex and how I wasted more of my precious time and life believing that cr** and how in believing that I have now wrecked my entire future and chances of meeting someone else and having a family.

Reading the f&f posts now make me angry and I feel guilty for that but I feel angry because I was hoodwinked and humiliated and I hate to see people suffering.

I can't read the thread you speak of and I don't now it's like rubbing salt in the wounds for me to see gambling glorified in this way and I will never take it seriously as a form of recovery as in my mind it's not...it's avoidance of recovery.

R and D xx..always cheering you on

Hey Duncs,

Just a drop in to say yes, my head nodding in the affirmative, and RESPECT! -joanxxxx

Hi Duncan

Yes i will contact him, strangely enough i checked his site today and noticed the same thing, not been there for a while. Reverting DP

Hi Duncs

Roger got back to me and his site will be updated tonight, he said lots going on ! apparently there is some article on FOBT tomorrow in the Sunday People.

Whilst writing, well done for your continued abstinence its geat to see.

Dark Place

Afternoon Diary.

Thanks DP for the info regarding Mr. r. Radler I look forward to his update, and to anyone reading please give rogers blog a look in, he is doing something very brave in tackling this addiction under a microscope, the internet!! if you goggle his name it comes up, funnily on the google page which has his blog on you have to scan past a few gambling website advertisements which for me tellsa story in it's self.

Regards the campaign the sunday people are running, for me as I said last week they are doing in my mind something industry led.

To regulate gambling, specifically the fobt for this fella is a measure that is simply nonsense. It does not address compulsive gamblers issues at all, it would as I have said before just mean I would have spent even more hours in a bookmakers losing my money.

The simple fact is for me 'I CANNOT WIN BECAUSE I CANNOT STOP' when in action it does not matter what the stakes are, they will be maximised over time, progresssive in there nature and are trully just the fuel to feed my addiction.

For me there is a bigger picture to look at, this will only come with an education of young people, take smoking for example.

When I was say 13 I would say 75% of my peers smoked, in my mums teenage years she sais that 'everybody' smoked it was the done thing.

So for those who smoke, they are addicted, like me with gambling they are the only person who can arrest that addiction, they can be supported in many ways, but ultimatley the choice is theirs not another soul can do the leg work for them.

But like smoking, nowadays a taboo, not the done thing, through better education I believe less kids smoke, my kids 19,17,14 all fit that bracket Why??

Because through education they don't smoke,for them the bad outweighs the good, the pictures on packets do scare them, the shutters in front of them in supermarkets stop impulse buys, they are taught about the illness that they can get, so on and so on.

So why cant we educate kids on gambling and it's potential outcome?? show them the other side so to speak??

For me education comes in the form of re-education, I am 39 years old and I am back at school, learning to live without destruction, yes I have seen the signage in the bookmakers, the one in very very small print and like those pictures on the cigarette packs I never took any notice, because addicts don't care for the risk do they, they are already addicted.

But for me the press could help to educate the youth.

If that meant in the future that one less youngster took to compulsive gambling then I would be stoked.

So Today I bang my drum.

To ABSTAIN and MAINTAIN.

My name is Duncs I am a compulsive gambler, No bet today, bills furnished, Mum's paying a visit tomorrow and life is just for today smiling back.

Stepping forward never back.

Hey Duncs and hear hear..

Not sure if you saw the figs on my Dr Phil clip post but 78 % of people on drugs aged between 18-30 relapse and go back to using because of codep parents and family.

I used a drug addiction clip to illustrate the fact that lives can be lost as it's more hard hitting as the general population still do not see gambling as being as bad as the other addictions such as alcohol and actual drugs.

The fact is this is an invisible illness and their are little side effects physically as you know.

Codep is equally invisible too which is why I bang the drum about it as this is what the two have in common.

Its not taken seriously although the info is getting out but many lives are lost and families destroyed.

There is no pill or one thing fixes all..it has to be a collaboration of collective family or group support.

For every one addict in the family it impacts 10 others including work. I don't say that as a guilt trip btw I say that because if one person is suffering then 10 need to be made aware and armed with unified tools and skills to help in a constructive way...intervention and arrest.

I think as an outside observer that the success of your continued recovery is that 3 generations are in the know and 3 generations are armed with the truth because of your honesty ..

I'm guessing that your mum has received great healing in her own life through new information, Sarah will also be getting a lot of info ,knowledge and awareness through the netline and Gamanon and your children have the knowledge now to know the facts in a non scary way and may even become pioneers in their own peer groups..

By you getting clean through honesty you have empowered many many people to be able to understand and take the fear away and have the tools to deal with what comes along.

Any addiction gets more power through isolation and secrets and it breeds more insane thinking ..that's how it feeds itself.

By shining the light and exposing yourself through your honesty which I for one think is very brave the knock on effects of that in the positive are unquantifiable and cannot be measured as they are limitless.

This is the power of recovery....things stick,...and seeds are planted ..

Keep planting Duncs as the rewards will be felt many years down the line aswell and that my friend I guarantee..

In abstinence and recovery 1 plus 1 makes infinity but in controlled gambling it's a boring case of just breaking even.

;-))

R and D xxx always fighting