Angel From Montgomery

Hi Sis,

Coming by to give you a hug...and more hugs (((((((Joan)))))))
Hope all is well with yourself.
Never on your own...always by your side

S xx

Morning Brother ( and Morning Sis!! ),

Another Thanksgiving did and done. I enjoyed and really tasted for once, alot of very rich foods. Today, it is back to fat free yogurt, pita bread, and hummus. lol. I am happy to say that I did extend the olive branch to brother J. and he and I are once again together in the continued support of our aging ma. What a relief! Life is too short to be fighting with family. On the gambling front: We have not been to the casino for a couple of weeks or so now. I have the same blocks in place that I have for over eating. My will. I either do myself in, or I don't. I know what the consequences of continued poor food choices will be. I know what the consequences of over spending will be. I overeat for the very same "reasons" that I gamble on slots. I could get a gastric bypass but that would not stop me from eating the wrong things. I could lock my money in a vault protected by pit bulls but, if I wanted to get in -- I could get in. I choose, to make the choices one moment at a time. I walk, I fall down, I get up again. I know that I cannot eat cake all day every day without consequenc. Over the last two years I discovered that I stuff myself for many reasons. Regardless, they are not excuses. It is what it is. I can fall into addicted mode and self destruct. My self destruction can hurt the ones that depend on me. It can happen at any moment that I choose to let it happen. Some days are easier than other days. Today, I want to continue savoring rich fatty foods. It's not a good idea so, I will have to mindfully make the right choice for me. Today, I want to spend 200 on the slots but, I can never stop at the amount I set for myself so, like potato chips it is best for me to not start at all. This is my mindset for today. I can't speak for tomorrow. I can't speak for anyone else. Today, the plan is to eat right and noooooo gambling on slot machines! -joanxxxxx

Hi Joan,

Lovely honest post again, so inspiring,

Dare I send you a hug yes I will because I can

(((((((J))))))))

Suzanne xx

....late for work but what a hell lol lol...massive fat hugs coming your way sis....and i just seen email popping up on a screen :-)))))) ohhhh..that only means my day is gonna be well brighter 🙂
thanx

Good to see you sound and safe Sis..always here, in my heart and soul.

((((J))))) xxx

"I either do myself in or I don't"... same here... each day we have that same choice.

Today I choose to listen to Youtube video's and potter about. Supposedly I was going out tonight, but its come to nothing. I was going to play snooker with a friend but I cancelled yesterday cos in all honesty I was preferring to go to a beer festival with a mate I haven't seen for a while. But then when i texted said mate he was in London (200 miles away) so that died a death to. Now if I had my addictive head on i'd think..i'm bored, nothing to do, what shall i do?..... go win some money of course!!... but I haven't so am here typing this. I think when you haven't got kids or a time consuming indoor hobby...its hard to know what to do sometimes. Thats my problem and challenge.

I understand the food thing to. I have much the same issues. I over eat for the same reasons that I gamble. Today I bought some nice rolls. They are all eaten of course togther with 6 to 8 sugary coffee's over the course of the day. That choc bar i had up town just had to washed down with another choc bar. Ok so I go running but ive still got a belly and its all because i comfort eat.

Anyway me go watch some c**P tv and then go to bed. Glad you made up with your brother. I had a chat with my sister today which was nice 🙂

Happy days... slot machines can go to hell... take care... S.A

Thanks for dropping in S.A. Your last post to me really made me smile. I've washed down chocolate with chocolate before and wound up in a food coma that lasted hours... lol..luckily I lived to tell the tale.. ha ha ha

Morning E.,

Why am I a glutton? How did this happen to me? Was I born this way? Did someone mistreat me along the way? Nature? Nurture? Both? Does it matter? Some days it does and some days it doesnt. Today is one of those thoughtful days. What is it like to never feel full? It sucks. It is no surprise that P works with children and adults with PWS. A syndrome whereby folks lack the internal mechanism to feel satiated. These individuals cannot feel full. P and I both share the same challenges when it comes to feeling full. Neither one of us was born with PWS so, what's the deal?? Where does this feeling of constant emptiness that leads to constand craving come from? I'm not entirely sure but, I can remember using food for comfort when I was very little. The feeling of emptiness can be very painful and the wanting to feel full can seem like an urgent need. My urges to stuff myself with food, gambling on the slots the act of feeding bills into the machine and entering a zone of complete numbness comes to me quite honestly but, I believe when a person knows better they must do better. What did I know, when did I know it and what did I do about it. For me recovery will never be a straight line from point A to point B. I have a female brain so that doesnt bother me lol... Today, is another day. A new day. Yesterday is gone. Tomorrow does not exist. Today is 1. For me, every day will always be Day 1. I might have a good day. I might have a challenging day. A day when I succomb to that feeling of emptiness. So, I guess my higher power must be Tomorrow. Sing it Annie!! Tomorrow, Tommorow... ha ha.. seriously though. If I believe in tomorrow then, there is hope for one of those better days. Sometimes for me the challenge getting through the tough days is getting through the hours of emptiness. That's when I must reach out to my higher power who from now on shall be called Annie. ha ha ha -joanxxx

Hey Joan

I love to read your thread,it inspires my desire to want to learn.

I guess all the time I had filled my brain with that self gifted fookedty f**k mind blowing insult that gambling brought,the self depriving ability to really care about anything that would not feed my lust for the next punt,the 'ignorance is bliss' state of mind gambling left me in I really did not care for any type of learning.

Where today I am like a sponge,I am genuinely interested in what goes on in the world,I am not too wrapped up in my own,I want answers to the awkward questions,I want to find a way to reverse the odd's for folk like us.

I do believe our make-up is there,we cannot fundamentally change what we are we can just learn to work with what is there,because surely if that were the case we really would all just be the same,like some clone of what some self made higher power would decide would be our fate!!

That for me is not an option,I feel enriched,invigourated driven by the wonderful jigsaw puzzle that is life.

I think we all start with the same pieces,we just have to build our own picture. I take great pride from all the pictures I have seen build here on this amazing forum,in life every day and will say keep building yours my dear friend.

You have helped me fit a few pieces of my own in place along the way.

For that I thank you,keep putting the pieces together.

Abstain and maintain

Duncs stepping forward never back.

Yo,

Interesting post , sure I will have mentioned before so sorry if I have , but my view is. That I was born / evolved with a faulty stop bottom. That can be gambling, food , alchol , work , thinking .............. The list goes on and on.

If I don't start then stop button not needed, which works with gambling, smoking, drinking , but not with eating work or thinking .

Not sure as I am quite old in the tooth ,that I can retrain myself, because some of it come from my subconscious, I believe . Although wouldn't say no to a full on lobotormy lol

Think all we can do is the best we can do, if helped by our higher power then the job in hand will not be quite so taxing me thinks.

Anyways Hun, thought I would throw my two penny worth into the mix, and I like I wrote sorry if you've heard it all from me before .

Take care , Hun

Shiny xxxxxxxxxxx

Today Joan, my jigsaw that Duncs speaks of, has fifteen corners and someone has hidden all the centre, my empty space I cant fill. I am so exhausted searching for them that today I have given up and sit staring into space. Last night I ate myself sick and fought all yesterday with the mind monkeys beckoning me to sit in an aneasthatised state wasting my studio money.

Today I have to find some peace of mind, feels like last chance saloon so may even look at the gospel of 'Annie', anything is worth a shot - Annie get your gun and have a shot at tomorrow.

Thinking about that straight line, what a graph my recovery would make, maybe I should actually draw it and shock myself into action to stop the downward spiral.

Glad you enjoyed Thanksgiving, good to celebrate the good things in life.

Sipping an energy drink to revive enough to wave from the foggy riverbank.

xxx

Hi E., and anyone else out there who might be listening.....

I'm getting through the days without gambling. For now, at least. I'm aware now, that I cannot live each day as if the next will never come. I have to believe in something. It might as well be Tomorrow. And, if Tomorrow does not come, at least I would have lived my last day in a way that I could be proud of. I have discovered that even a miserable day without gambling in it is way better than a miserable day compounded by gambling losses and the guilt and shame that goes along with it. I am really aware that nothing changes if nothing changes. That when I know better I am compelled to do better. Nobody could ever blame me for what happened to me when I was little but, all of the bitterness and wasted time that has passed since then, is my own doing or I should say undoing. For that I have to forgive myself and go on. We get stuck sometimes and it is up to us, our higher powers and eachother to help us get unstuck. Shiny, as I wrote on your post; the truth can never be over spoken. I need to hear it every single day. I am an addict. There are things that I cannot do in moderation. I cannot eat a handful of potato chips. Before long, there will be 2 for 1 sale bags of chips in all flavors on my counter top.... presenting me with a bag of chips and saying you may have 7 chips is like handing me a stack of fresh twenties at a casino and saying you may only spend 2. I am not a quit things cold turkey kind of person either. I am unfortunately, I guess, an experiential learner. What does not kill me does seem to make me stronger and wiser. I believe everything I have gone through up to this point has been for a reason and it has lead me to where I am standing today. I am not responsible for what happened to me as a child. I am aware and have accepted that the experience changed me and may have influenced some of my choices along the way. But, I am responsible for what I do with my own life. Oh well, that's enough for now.. -joanxxxx

Hi Joan,

Of course I remember you! Thanks for dropping in on my diary with your support. I will catch up with your journey when I have a bit more time.

Keep strong

Ade x

As our friend Rach used to say: More thinks...

I may never again, put my full faith and trust in another fellow human being like I must have had to do when I was a child but, I have learned that I can put full faith and trust in myself. I am worth it. -joanxxx

Hi Sis,

Well I've been waving over the pond for you yesterday lol and froze to the spot like a statue cause it was a little chilly here lol..all wrapped up now with a tissue for that running nose 🙂 still, it was good to know you're there on the other end!

Yes girl, hell i could of write this post today..actually i did along the same lines..can you believe that!! Yes, nothing changes if nothing changes. We are in control to change things and the way we deal with the situations/triggers/thoughts.
Believing in tomorrow is good way to get through today. I tend to believe in a lot further than that but that's wrong approach to get through today cause my lack of patience should be put in Guinness record book lol lol..yes, today is here and now and tomorrow we will wake up to greet the same again.
Opportunities, choices, ..wide wide world. Kind of exciting eh? And we are big enough to make those healthy choices going forward. Letting the past go for sure...

Ohhh..I've got a song for you on the same note. Let me go and get it of you tube..b back in a min :-)))

For now.... ((((((((Sis)))))))))

Sandra (little one here lol) xxxx

Lol..we even post at the same time :-)))
Must b sistery bond

Here is your song..you prob heard it before..but did you really listened to it?

http://youtu.be/L0MK7qz13bU

Xxx

Setting clock now..lol..if ya want to listen to me singing out of tune i feel sorry for you lol..but hey...
...Let it gooo let it gooooooo...
..i'm one with a wind and sky..
..let it goo let it gooooooo...
..you'll never see me cry!
...here i stand and here I'll stayyyy..!!
let the storm rage on...!!!

....cold never bothers US anyway...

..and never will xxx