Angel From Montgomery

Have a lovely evening and stay warm.

Beautiful sunny day here today and had the sandals and sunglasses out - bet that will be it for summer though like last year (how gloomy am I) don't really mind as feeling full of the joys of spring for a change so sending some spare sunrays across the sea.

xxx

Mornin Joan

Some posts on our diaries can be detailed with all the trouble and strife in our lives which I know is important to get out but for me sometimes the simple ones are better , so when u mention been happy with no gambling and no desire to gamble all in the same post tells me where u r right now

In a good place , couldn't be happier for u

Castle2

Yo,

Happy when it's raining , you go girl !

So proud of you , you really seem to be find your way through all this 🙂

Shiny xxxxxx

Thank-you Blondie, Castle, Rainbows, and dear Shiny. I really appreciate your support.

Hello There RECOVERYIEEEEE DiarIEEEEEE,

Still plugging along here. 2 days away from my next goal of 3 pay checks and 6 weeks of complete abstinence from gambling. Right now, it's 70 degrees and the sun is shining. I am going out into the yard to sit and contemplate how lucky I am to be alive. Yup, that's just what I am gonna do. I don't always know what to write on other folks' diaries and lately have been a little confused with some of the stuff I have been reading. Maybe I'm just slow... Not gonna let it get me down tho. I have been down for far too long. I'm going up! -joanxxxxxxxx

Joan.

As our dear friend Rach say's "take what you like and bin the rest"

I am so pleased to help you on your journey through my writing, recovery for me has set a relentless fire burning from within, from a fella who used to bore of things quickly and always be looking for the next thing I with honesty can say recovery is something I will never tire of.

Keep making the best choice for you, keep enjoying those paychecks!!

I feel a delicious supper coming your's and P's way

WHY??? because you earnt it and fully deserve it.

Thanks for being Joan, the worlds a better place with folk like you in it.

Duncs stepping forward never back

Up Up and Away joan.

Smile when you get those pay checks and put those 2 fingers in the air to the gambling establishments.

Today you won !

take care

Blondie xxx

Morning Joan

Feel lucky to be alive , loved that quote as I think sometimes we really forget with our addiction that we are fortunate on that front , for me health is everything u can everything in life but that can be quickly took away and thats always worth remembering

So as bad as we think it can get it really could get worse , some great food for thought , on a more upbeat note 6 weeks comin up and thats fantastic esp with all the ups and downs

Proud of u

Castle2

Thanks Duncs and Blondie and yes Castle with all of the ups and downs I am finally on a straight path for once...

Hi Diary:

Although, I know that it cannot always be that way because such is life right? So, have to be on my guard today because P is away at a conference and yes, I got paid. Money that I earned doing what I love to do, and what I am good at. Proud to say that I have a little money in the bank to buy the things that we need and want around here instead of just throwing it out the window. I often said to P after a night out gambling and of course losing because we cannot stop that it would have been just as fun to speed down route 9 tossing handfulls of 20 dollar bills out of the open car window. I used to rage at the gambling establishment because I blamed them for taking advantage of my weakness. Well, it is certainly true, we live in a monetary system in a capitalistic society soooo someone is gonna capitalize on human weaknesses. I no longer seethe with anger or resentment over this because I realized what Nelson Mandela once said was so true: "Resentment is like a man sitting down drinking a glass of poison and then waiting for his enemy to die." So so true. They are not getting my money. That is revenge enough for me. Sitting around stewing in my rage only makes me miserable. What's funny is that being miserable sometimes makes me think I need cheering up by going gambling. If I were a dog I would be the three legged one in the middle of the road chasing it's tail. Poor dumb thing.. Anyway, I am off of work today so, will need to come up with something to keep me busy. Idle hands and all. It's hard sometimes to transition from work mode into relaxation mode. I found some free relaxation you tube videos from Deepak Chopra. Maybe I will do a meditation. Not sure if anyone else spotted the full pink moon last night but it was absolutely amazing!! I think that's me today. One day away from my goal of 6 weeks and 3 paychecks with not one single tap. -joanxxxxx

From one three legged dog to another there is many a time I have drunk that glass of poison, trying to stick to the water these days but hard work.

Had some extra back pay this month and my heart saying it is spare --- joke especially after my son's news today so needing to be extra vigilant, it is difficulter when on my own as you say.

Took some photos of the moon last night, I notice how it affects the river here, maybe the new one will bring us all a bit more serenity although life sounds in good balance for you and P at last.

xxx

Hey Joan,

Congrats on your hard work to abstain from this addiction, your doing great. I hope you and P have a nice weekend. Were finally getting some nice weather, suppose to be 75 on Monday, planning on doing some fishing. Stay strong, and be proud. Thanks for all your support on my journey.

Chicagoguy

Hiya Judy 🙂

Great to see you doing so well with your abstinence! Hope you can keep it going, life's so much better gamble free!

Take care, Stubbsy x

Thank you all!

Hi Diary:

Goal and score!! 3 paychecks 6 weeks and not one single bet! Next goal is 8 weeks and 4 checks. When P gets back from the conference we are going to go to the hardware store to buy a spanking new lawn mower. Just in time too. The grass is soo green and getting pretty tall and thick. The dogs of course love it but me, not so much. In the past, we could never afford items like these when we needed them and this time I can do that with cash to spare. The universe is abundant again -- it always was but during my dark ages I could not see that. I did not want to. I looked for darkness and despair and I found it. I wanted to wrap myself up in a dirty blanket woven from shame, and guilt, and pain. I sought out a venue where I could act out my self hatred and I bankrupted my soul and my checking account. I was in despair and felt only the scarcity that I thought I deserved. I felt dirty and cold hungry and unworthy and yet I would show up at work with a painted on smile. Today, I am happy with myself and my accomplishments. I have a long way to go and know that there will be days when I want to run for that blanket and will need all of the strength and support to resist. But, just for now, I am gonna savor this moment because I fought for it. Because I earned it. I think when people clap for eachother at meetings it is because there are alot of folks like me who felt ashamed and unworthy of any praise. I felt like garbage. And, nobody knows what it's like to be at the bottom of another person's rock bottom. I am not ashamed of my recovery or the process that's for sure. Today I clap for myselfy! Lol!! -joanxxxxx

Hooray

Applause

Hooray

More applause

Always identify so with what you say, wish I could express it as clesrly but don't need to as you have said it all.

Much admiration, respect, applause, encore, encore

Enjoy the lawn mower, I am off to buy a pressure washer to wash away the mud that the floods left.

xxx

Sorry if a bit over the top but mean it all

Hey Cowgirl!

Thank you sooooo much for your constant support and belief in me to beat this S***e.

I am clapping with you girl, and giving you a well deserved pat on the back for your 6 weeks without gambling. It is inspirational to read and has given me renewed focus to follow your lead.

We know longer have to beat ourselves up about the damage we did to ourselves, and we definately must learn that the best way to feel good about ourselves once again is to keep moving as far away from gambling as we possibly can.

Keep positive Joan. You can do it!

All the best

MW xxx

Thanks for commenting on my diary