Angel From Montgomery

Hi Joan,

Good to hear you sounding upbeat and positive. It is indeed a rocky road at times. I was sorry to hear of your relapse and I know how that can feel oh to well - Got the T-shirt, etc....

We can all relapse for a multitude of reasons, and getting back on that recovery bike can take some doing. I really hope that you keep that positivity.

Keep strong girl.

Ade x

Hey Joan..

I could kill for an air con unit right now and so could Dots ...away in London tomorrow so wondering if they make mini portable ones ..lol

I'm also keeping busy Joan and trying to straighten up and fly right as they say, Somedays I feel like chucking the towel in but as you know getting our good bad and ugly stuff out stops us stuffing our emotions down..

My Dots is also very sensitive and if I get vocally mad which believe it or not is rare as it all gets spewed on here , she goes running under the bedcovers.

My and the ex had some really bad fights when she was a puppy and she has never forgotton, plus she also hates it if I have a drink as she equates it with me getting angry and crying.

I knew you had the doggies but I forgot they were

Corgis...well well well....I am thinking I may be posting to royalty..lol : )

R and D xx

Yo,

Think you are right not to compare your recovery with others . We all have different stressers and react to them differently. All that matters sometimes is getting through the day , not just with not gambling but with the whole bloody lot .

You are doing brilliantly , your determination to try to get to the bottom of all this , is inspiring .

Keep going Hun ,

Hugs

Shiny xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Thanks everyone for the posts! I am having a hard time expressing myself at the moment. I am safe and ok. I am not gambling. I am just feeling a little stuck. Will figure it all out I'm sure but, just wanted to say thank you to everyone who is sticking this out with me. Your support means alot to me. Just knowing that you all are out there somewhere and really know what this feels like and that I am not alone is everything. Hugs to you all. -joanxxxxxx

Yo,

Hay need to say here , you give just as much back , to so many on this site .

Two way street my friend .....

Glad you are ok ,

Shiny xxxxxx

It's no effort to stick with you Joan ...it's a pleasure......you're worth it!!!

Xxx

Thanks you guys: ((((S)))) ((((R))))

It's grey and misty out this morning. I am feeling a little dull but, better. I agree with others that speak out about the stages of grief when it comes to letting go of anything that we hold near and dear. Rach wrote something to me recently that rung so true; that, I am letting go of parts of my old self, letting go of yet another activity that turned into an obsessive compulsive behaviour and then full blown addiction, and of course Ed. I have never suffered from full blown depression. I always had the option of going on medication. I had a friend once who did not have a choice. Without medications and ECT she would have suicidal thoughts and would find herself from time to time in the psych ward trying to claw herself back out of what she used to call her "sinking pit." For me, it has always been a sort of low grade dysthymia which is pretty much my baseline. I took seretonin reuptake inhibitors like Prozac and Celexa for a short while several years ago. I'm not really sure how helpful they were. The bottom line is: I don't think the wizard has anything in that little black bag that will work for me either. What I need, I had all along and that is the belief in myself. I am a survivor or I would not be here today. I just get tired of fighting sometimes and I imagine myself standing beside a silent stream on a misty grey morning like this one. I am taking my helmet off and gazing into my reflection wondering who is that poor old broad staring back at me? Her face so ravaged by time and smudged by the smoke from distant fires. I try to wipe off some of the dirt and grime from my face and imagine what it would be like to be someone else with a beautifully made up face and a lovely hairdo. Someone lighter,more presentable and smelling of sweet bathsalts. But, that just aint me. I will remain a warrior for the rest of my days. And, it's not bad, or sad. It is what it is. I get sunny breaks in between and some comforting shade and cool breezes. I have known true love and have laughed so hard that it hurt. I have alot to be thankful for, and I am. But, I can no longer hate myself for the weight of this armor. It served and continues to serve me well. Maybe, I can lighten my load a little but, I will always be guarded. I will never know trust like some folks know trust. the mote around my heart will remain for the rest of this lifetime. Today, with the help of some really great folks on this forum, I am learning to carry my true colors with pride. So, battle on good folks. Gambling is not the answer. Keep going. -joanxxxxxxxxxxxx

Hey Joan,

Thank you for continuous support, you doing great yourself, just take day at the time, it will get easier because we will get stronger with each coming day:-)

As we know - there is always sun after the storm.

Take care darling and stay strong

Sandra x

What a fantastic post my warrior friend it gave me goose bumps on my arms, and i think you hit the nail on the head in one small sentance. "It is what it is" you are moving towards acceptance and with that comes some peace.

Ed will always be a part of you, you share the same DNA, and Dr Brian Cox once said (it made me cry and its a scientific fact) that NO ENERGY ever dies, I am a complete atheist but that brought me some comfort.

Its so sad and perhaps it will never be ok that they are gone, but hold tight to those things that you shared with ED and add them to that warrior battle gear.

Hold your head up high joan, You are a truly lovely, genuine, honest, humble, loving human being, and irrespective of if you smell of cow dung or roses.... It really doesnt matter. Its whats inside that counts... And that fire in your belly will serve you well.

Take care lovely. I think about you all the time even if i dont post much nowdays.

Blondie xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Joan.

today I salute you.

just for today be proud.

Duncs stepping forward never back.

Really made me smile - you said you were having trouble expressing yourself then out pops an entry like that and as always so much I can relate to - there is a staue of Bodicea in London, warrior queen, I'd much sooner identify with her than a plastic Barbie. Sounds to me like you are winning battles every day but I appreciate how hard the fight is.

xxx

Hi Joan

Loved that post was full of everything an inspiration to all , the longer we fight the better the understanding we av of what we are dealing with , like many of us here thats the one thing we know how to do , I truly lake great pride sharing our journeys and striding forward together in life

Castle2

"So don't be afraid , to,let them show

Your true colours ,true colours

Are Beautiful ..like a rainbow "

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LPn0KFlbqX8&sns=me

Xxx

You sure sent us your heatwave but without sending the air conditioning. Wilting in my glasshouse on the river.

Sending virtual sugar free ice lollies.

xxx

Hi Joan,

Just popping in 2 say, I hope u r ok and staying strong 🙂

Thinking of u xx