Another Go

Well done and keep going...

Hey you!

Took a while to dig your diary out my dear friend ...New one? Amazing  achievement I see and am so so proud of you Al you're true inspiration for us on here and everyone outside these cyber walls. You're the proof of ability to heal, turn life around and reap the sweet fruits of it going  forward. 

Thanks for being you, thanks for all your support and listening ear all these years and thanks for giving us hope that ....what seemed impossible when we were at our lowest is actually very possible and doable with hard work and determination. We are on the right track ?

Let's keep going!

Hugs x

Hi,

God days, bad days like everyone else. Still GF though. Tomorrow another day another another dollar, but to whom am i gonna give my dollars to ?. Just For Today I Won't Gamble. It worked yesterday so why not tomorrow.

Best Wishes All

AL

Hi,

Nasty unexpected bill came today for car repair. 4 years of living on a sandwich allowance, scrimping, saving  the odd £5 or £10 every couple of weeks. Nothing to be proud of when it's taken you over 4 years to save £1000 in an account regularly scrutinized by my wife.

Here's what is to be proud of, I paid. I paid without it depending on a win or the gambling dens giving me a break. It hurts being relieved of 25% of whatever I've put into changing. But!!!!, no cons, no lies no drifting back to the dependency of addiction.  Today I owe no-one nothing. 

Lesson for today, if you're on the bones of your a--e remember every 50p you save is 50p less & a tiny dent in the gambling dens profits. if every CG takes the same action maybe they'll begin to understand our pain.

Best Wishes

AL

You are absolutely awesome Al.

A year ago id have been triggered by that bad news, but watching and copying your outlook has changed me.

Keep doing what you do pal, it works and is inspirational.

Hi all,

I ain't missed a match from the World Cup. The French awesome, the Brazilians unbelievable, & the shock results never fail to amaze me. More amazing the thought of gambling never crossed my mind. Sport, competition & desire to win in all it's splendor.  I feel free from the enslavement of bet in play & all the misery it brings.

I see beauty of sport & competition now bringing joy & excitement that arouses me in a way that only gambling brought me not so long ago. I've seen so many wonderful sporting achievements in my life. The devasting turn of foot Frankel showed to retire unbeaten, Ronaldo becoming a Man United legend & Andy Murray finally winning Wimbledon.

I can enjoy these things now without looking for a quick buck or easy money ( no such thing ). I'll never see another horse race in my life time ( my main poison ) however I know that doesn't cure or heal me I'm weak, folk have heard all my promises before & I'm an addict. I'm day by day becoming better than yesterday. 

Not cured, not having found a miracle solution, but if I got through today then that surely makes me better than yesterday & gives me a chance to not repeat the mistakes of the past. Being bold enough to say I'M AN ADDICT & complacency is my worst enemy, Urges come, but they also pass if you can keep your bottle, take a deep breath, look at your life now & compare it to yesterday perhaps common sense may shine through.

Tomorrow will come & again I'll try hard to resist the urges, I've a secure roof over my head, despite the cost my heating's on, I ain't on edge about a sporting result that will not only take my money but convince my loved ones I'll never change & I'm a waste of space. I'm so fortunate, & I know the next bet would be a bet too far. Every single GF day becomes easier than yesterday.

Best Wishes To Everyone In Recovery

AL

Hi slow, was enjoying our chat tonight but I had a phone call and chat ended by time the call ended. Dont want you to think I was being rude xx

Hi Stace,

No problem, keep going the future's bright.

AL

Hi All,

Since day 1 I've always believed in Just For Today & One day at a time philosophy. Over the years I've heard other folks description of me, " b*m. WASTER", "NEVER BE ANY GOOD" "WOULD GAMBLE THE SHIRT ON HIS BACK" hurtful but unfortunately true.  I just couldn't help myself. I think that was the attraction when I discovered internet betting. My ears closed to the outside world, didn't have to listen to other peoples views & could feed my addiction in a solitary way without having to listen to what everyone knew but which I denied.

It's been 4 years & 4 months since I last gambled, no doubt people will remember me from those dark days. What's different ?, well I know what I was but I also know what I've become one day at a time. I'm the man who's committed to recovery, I'm the man who gets up each day to get my 2 grandsons to school, I'm the man whom when my wife messages me & says go to the supermarket & get bread buns she can consider it done & even provide a receipt. When my dog needs exercise I take him for a walk in the park rather than opening the French doors to the garden, being angry because he's interrupting my gambling binge hoping he'll settle for a wee wee in the garden.

I get urges still & the more time I spend dwelling on it the harder it is to fight them. I try & keep busy, I try to contribute to everyday family life that CGs find so uninteresting & tedious. I can't change what people think of me, thoughts towards the end, what my loved ones thought of me, but I won't give up trying to create some fond memories. Sometimes when I pick my grandchildren up from school I get a message from their parents saying they're working late. I'm the man who takes them home, feed them, watch them both trying to snatch the iPad from me & my wife's bedroom & telling me it's not fair because his brother had it yesterday. I'm a taxi, I'm a referee, I'm a cook, I'm fair though 2 of my grandsons will tell you I'm biased & favor one over the other.

If this sounds stressful it isn't, because I'm the man who's gradually being integrated into reality & family life. I'm the man who goes to bed shattered & sleeps like a log, I'm the man who isn't hiding any secrets or nasty surprises for those who've believed in & supported me despite my reputation & previous history. One Day At A Time. Every Saturday night my wife loves to watch is it COME DANCING ? or something similar. It was the final tonight & the winner came out with something which really struck a chord with me. He said " SLOWLY IS THE QUICKEST WAY TO GET WHERE YOU WANT TO BE".

Best Wishes & A Merry Xmas To Everyone

AL

What a strange world, Mrslids watches the dancing every Saturday night whilst getting ready for our weekly night out. I had a bath to get out of the way for 1/2 hour and was just going into the bedroom while she lay on the bed watching on her laptop and just at that moment i heard that exact same words of wisdom.

Its apparent remembering the old you helps you keep on the straight and narrow, but just like me i think it causes us immense sadness. I have found when looking at the past to do it in an analytical way and never to dwell on it too much, just take the lessons from it and then put it back to bed.

When i think of you Slow i think of a genuine selfless man who has so much time for others. Who offers words of wisdom and is happy to share things that are still very raw and painful for the good of others. I never think of you as an ex gambler. Please please define yourself for the good that you do for others including your family, don`t be defined by who you were.

We are all allowed to forgive ourselves and we are all allowed to move on for the good of ourselves but just as importantly for our families and loved ones too.

You at this minute are the man that I aspire to be.

Hi all, 

There's been quite a few recent posts about people being inundated with emails offering free spins etc. Wow all these freebies without having to deposit aren't the gambling dens kind ?. There's an old saying " BEWARE OF GREEKS BEARING GIFTS". I remember at school being taught about the Greeks sending the Trojans a wooden horse allegedly packed with gifts. They opened the gates of Troy in acceptance only to find the horse carried an enemy fully armed & ready to destroy their world. Don't let history repeat itself. 

You Get Nout For Nout In This World

Stay Strong

AL

Hi,

I have 3 sisters 2 of whom are twins. One twin lives a comfortable life, mortgage free. several holidays each year year & a devoted husband. The other one in supported accommodation, hopelessly addicted to nicotine & a horrendous smoker chalk & cheese. Last few months been in & out of hospital but refuses to give up smoking & was admitted to hospital on Wednesday. Diagnosed with severe flu & fell into unconsciousness. 

Phone call from hospital telling me consultant wanted a chat with next of kin. Picked her twin up & arrived to be told she isn't responding to antibiotics, oxygen been given none stop last 24 hours & no improvement whatsoever. They advised that continuing giving oxygen beyond another 24 hours would be futile. All they could do after that point would be to make her as comfortable as possible but the prognosis wasn't good.

I immediately informed brothers in Cheshire & London to expect the worst. Folk who have long lost faith in me due to addiction. So I've charged my phone, gonna place it by my bed & hope the dreaded phone call doesn't come. Testing times for a gambling addict.

I feel sad, I feel stressed yet I feel SELFISH. Selfish because someone once told me complacency bides it's time, waits for the right moment & pounces. I can't let this happen. I'm afraid, not just for me but for those who've trusted in my ability to change & live a better life. Probably the easiest way out would be to find solace in foreign site looking for mugs like me on Boxing day where there's a full football & racing fixture, ready & willing to welcome me & take my money. 

Time to test the theory of ONE DAY AT A TIME & JUST FOR TODAY. The thing about CGs I think is when the going gets tough they tend to take the easy way out. Tonight I'm testing my recovery, doubting my theories that have worked for 4 years and 4 months. I's difficult to talk to those who have little faith in you, give little credence to every thing you say. It's even difficult to share with those family members who've showed unconditional support in case you spook them into thinking " HERE WE GO AGAIN". That's why I've posted, there are somethings only a CG can understand. I'm struggling tonight.

Best Wishes

AL

My dearest friend AL,

Life is meant to try us in oh so many ways. Thoughts and prayers with you and yours.

No gambling for you to report will be a fab christmas message for us all to receive.

Best x

Dear Al,

That sounds like a very stressful situation for you, with your sister in hospital... it sounds like you are determined to maintain your recovery despite the very sad circumstances. 

Please feel welcome to call the 24 freephone National Gambling Helpline if you want to talk at any point, on 0808 8020 133.

Take care,

Adam.