Hello and welcome to my diary,
So i am 25 years of age and have been living with this dreadful curse since the age of 12 ( yes an older friend took me to the arcade ) probably the worst time to delve into playing slot machines?. This was my first ever encounter and just watching those reels spin and land on bonus rounds gace me a huge buzz, ( yes even at the age of 12 ).
Previous to that lifeline i did not have the greatest childhood, i was alone as my mother left and moved county however i do understand why she left and i would have done the same in her shoes. I was a mummies boy and never really spent much time with my father im one of those kids that loved computer games, easiest way to keep a child quiet right?.
I feel i lost alot of my childhood as i had to grow up faster than other kids, my father was always busy doing other things he wanted to do and i was left to my own demise. I started skipping school to stay home and play computer games ( pathetic right? ), but along the way i met many friends online and i do feel i gained more education this way than going to school and learning what every other kid learned.
I never had the chance to really learn about how important money was and how best to use it. At the age of 16 i found myself going to arcades remembering that buzz i got from the slots, i remember i could not wait for the day i turned 18 just so i could go onto the bigger slot machines that paid out more. Big mistake! As i had so much time on my hands not really knowing what my next steps will be i started to play online, every week i would blow 85% of my wages on gambling and i mean every week, i never really won alot but i didnt care because i knew i would get paid the week after.
So as the weeks went by and the same thing was happening my addiction got worse and i found myself stealing to sustain living in this world, i have done some silly things and looking back it makes me so sick to think what i nearly became ( yes nearly ).
I remember my father saying to me one day " i do not care what you do with your money aslong as i get my rent ". Oh brilliant what great advice that is to give your son infact it made me feel like what i was doing was not really that bad.
Then the interesting thing happened to me where i had met the girl of my dreams perfect in every way i could have imagined. I managed to stop my addiction for 6 months being with this girl, we decided to get our own place it was amazing at the time.
I started to realise what money was for and how it should be spent but i slipped up, one day i thought hey i could win some to help pay the bills instead of struggling. This was a huge mistake in the sense i became badly hooked because i won an amount treble my monthly wage.
I was gambling everyday again on the computer in my own little world i lost everything went back to stealing to pay the rent and bills. I got caught in the end and it gave me a wakeup call but only enough to stop gambling for 4 days!!, i told everyone about my problem and i recieved no support once again i find myself teaching myself how to be a man.
More to be posted later or tommorow if anyone actually reads all this im in shock lol
Luke
Fella welcome to the forum, a place full of like minded folk who all by and large are here for the same reason. To arrest the destruction that is their own compulsion to gamble.
You will not be judged here, you will receive a wealth of support and some amazing advice.
You have done something in my mind very special by admitting your shortfalls at such a young age, I gambled on to the age of 37 before I sought help, don't waste another day of your life gambling.
You cannot change the past, but the future is yours to make.
My advice the same advice that was gifted to me the first day I gifted myself recovery.
There is a triangle time-money-location Take one away and the next punt is impossible to stake.
Gifting yourself the valuable time to let the rational side of the brain take control.
Compulsive gambler's are not bad folk, we are all suffering addiction.
Stick close to your diary, get some blocking software for your computer.
Take things one day at a time.
You did something amazing four days ago, you made yourself a winner, without staking a single penny.
Be kind to yourself, I look forward to reading your progress.
Abstain and maintain
Duncs stepping forward never back.
Duncan thankyou for your response :-). I have spoke to a few members on the new members section and received great advice also, folk here are amazin and so helpful its helped me heaps!.
Its so great to see other people overcoming there addiction and i will become one of you :). I hear about this triangle i need to act on it although i have cut my spare time in half replacing it with other things i enjoy. Its been a hard 6 days but i feel myself changing already!!! Thanks so much for your support 😀
This is great Luke. You sound very positive which is helping me. I am writing my diary every day now on this and just spilling it out. It doesnt matter if any body reads it at least i can speak to someone. I tried a diary on paper but that didnt work . This hopefully will. You are doing very very well and its nearly a week now. Keep this up . I am following your story . So i will see tomorrow 7 DAYS!!! Yeiiiii
Ahhh poblwc great to see my diary will aid you in recovery :). It gives me even more intention and self belief to do this also, had slight urges tonight nothing major, im feeling energetic and happy overall :D.
7 days tommorow i cannot wait to have broken into double figures then triple figures! Lets count away these days of freedom.
I feel it helps alot to get it down on here i will follow your diary too :). Glad to know your keeping strong!
Great i know the urges can be strong i feel them now. Everyone is asleep at my house now and thats the danger zone . I am in bed ready to switch off now and sleep and beat the bl**dy demons. Iv'e left my bank cards in my father in laws bedroom down stairs!! So i cannot get go them!! Needs must!!! I'm looking forward to writing in my diary 'day 3' tomorrow - i must beat this. Goodnight and well done Luke
Its good that you have taken the time to think and place your cards with your father in law. That way if you do get the urge and crumble you will have to go and ask him for your cards, are you close with your father in law? Maybe leave them with him more often and have some cash in your purse instead?. I know your like me and dont use bookies just the online aspect of it.
I have not had alot of time recently to post as much as i would like too, purely because i have been keeping myself busy occupying my mind with other things :).
Day 7 woohooo, im finding myself doing alot more useful things during the day and things are looking up im happy today 🙂
O wow well done Luke your enthusiasm is very catching. You make me feel positive. Reading these stories is very tiring so i am sticking with you and michelle for now to cope. I cannot cope reading every story its too much. Any way its good to see DAY 7 on your profile. Brill it will be double figures for you soon and thats fantastic . Keep going
Heya pob :), i am doing the same sticking to a few threads rather than many. I have read alot and it has made me realise many things that will aid me in recovery. I will keep following yours also to see how your recovery is going! :D.
Day 8 - Last night i was watching football and yes as usual the often occurance of gambling adverts was shown every break, i was proud not too have fallen to there trap infact it didnt really effect me as it would have a week ago. Just need to keep my head strong everyday and prepare myself for each struggling moment i face.
I woke today feeling refreshed but also facing anxiety which isnt nice at all, i know if i stay positive and know everything happens for a reason it will pass and my day of freedom will begin. It is such a great feeling to see my bank account holding its money and not being wasted on silly bets.
Everyone knows now about my problem and how bad it is, they shown interest for a day and now its under the carpet as usual. But i am doing this for me not them so i cannot criticise!.
Over all i am happy and will post later for an evening comment :).
Nevermind the evening comment 2 hours later i am feeling fantastically good. I have now opened a savings method at work so i am leaving my self shorter of hard earned money each week. The great thing is it builds up over the year at work then we recieve it before xmas.
This is certainly a plus to me and will aid me greatly to start saving a good amount of money :).
I do this too luke. Savings through my pay cheque. Hows it going Luke? 8 days well done. Think of the money you will save over the next year and get lovely pressies at xmas time
Me too robert. I probably ein 8 out of 10 times but i always end up spending the winnings because i am greedy and want morr
wIm coping very well today and last night 9 days now!, still dreaming i am playing slots!.
Hello robert and thanks for your comment, i did the same as you lol small bets on football massive on slots i just couldnt help myself, but i did notice if i even deposited a little bit to make a small football bet, i couldnt resist having a go on the slots. Betting on sports triggers off my urge to play slots especially when the bet wins it all goes on slots!. Once im up i say i will stop at a certain amount but oh wait lets do 5 more spins, another 5 another 10. Hmmm maybe i should up the stake seeing as i have lost for quite a few spins. Whoops no more money :/.
They know exactly how to entice us into doing one more spin by teasing us with bonus rounds etc. how long have you not gambled for rob?.
Pob i find myself now getting many moments of clarification actually seeing a future for myself, this is where i went wrong i was not looking forward enough i have set a plan now and i know i must stick at it. Screw playing the slots its time to play the game of life :D.
hope all are well that read this and keeping there spirits high 🙂
Rob you need to resist that urge mate, many people on here talk about the recovery triangle " time, location and money" take one away and you are on the way to recovery.
I have found myself doing alot of the things i used to enjoy you need to download K9 site blocker and get a loved one to enter the password in for you so that you cannot override it. Yes it makes you feel like a child but you need some stability.
Dont even bet on the football as it is only going to lead you to the slots believe me it will and you know that. The question is do you REALLY want to stop gambling, you cannot just stop playing slots and bet on football. Try and stop everything it will and does get easier mate.
9 days and im thinking much clearer even with this stinking cold lol. You need too believe in yourself you CAN stop anyone can do it just call on that innerstrength to stop.
Have you tried to contact gamcare by phone? They are really good i hear i still have not rung yet i need too also, just for some extra advice 🙂
Hi
Luke
The triangle is a great starting point for abstinence. Recovery is something different altogether. Massive well done on your first few days
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