Better to Ramble than Gamble.

Morning Martin;))

Not coming across corny but your post to me this morning, my first thoughts were how sweet lol, and made me smile,

It shows what a caring thoughtful person you are, and I am pleased that you are taking everything positive from GA, yes it's good to let it out, jeez just think if we kept it all bottled up again, not good lol.

Have a great gambling free day.

Suzanne xxx

Hello Oldham,

I know the truth can hurt. We all know what gambling does to us all. I was just trying to be constructive on your diary.

People need to get to know Toad. I am harmless. I am not a predator like the turfs. I am here to support as i have been through it. Good luck in your recovery Oldham. I just reminded you were you don't want to go back to!

Toad

Hello, Martin,

Whilst I would also question the extent of the goodwill and motives behind The Posts, it's interesting that you had a decent therapy at GA as a result and I hope it helps. From the other side of the fence, my bugbear is that as yet, my husband doesn't appreciate the effect that his actions had on the rest of us, although I hope this will come with time. When I went to an open meeting (not his), one thing that struck me was that some therapies, particularly of long term members, included references to wrongdoing but there seemed to be a marked distance from what they had done, probably passage of time. So when I and other non members described our recent raw experiences, those GA members heard us and it jolted some complacency. I don't expect or want my husband to breastbeat in sackcloth and ashes for the rest of his life but a healthy and appropriate awareness of his past behaviour can only be a good thing.

Just my observations. Wish you well and keep moving forward.

CW

Hi CW thanks for the post.

I can only speak for me I'm well aware of the pain and misery caused to my ex and son. I have had it spelt out to me on lots of occasions the facts of what my actions have caused I don't need reminding I'm already well aware of what my evil actions have caused. I stand there and take it. I have no defence it's all true. am I sorry? Yes of course I am. Does that mean anything to her? No and I don't blame her. What I did to my family was horrible. I have put a financial strain on her,look that's not ideal but that will work out in the end. They have more money now than when I gambled it all away and they deserve it after the years of me wasting money with no thought for them. It the mental side that hurts me more. I've sucked the life out of her. Her eyes are filled with pain and misery and suffering not to mention the hatred.

I feel lucky to have here and GA as support which I feel she resents she calls in going to the hand holding meeting. I have invited her to an open meeting GamAnon and here but she is not interested Maybe she is not ready to accept the help wish she would she needs the support.

So I don't know your other half but I know a little if you and j admire you for sticking by him I'm sure it's not been fun and throwing yourself into this site an GA.

I'll finish by saying I won't forget but will not sit still I have to move forward. i worry about becoming complacent and if I do you can give me a kick up the a**e.

Hi, again, Martin,

Apologies for picking at your scabs but thanks for answering. If you're fighting addiction, you need all the support you can get and with the hand holding goes some honest advice.

I wonder if I'm too tolerant.... With us, it's not that he's said over and over how sorry he is and I won't accept it - it's that he's barely said it, other than once when it all blew up. I'm not sure how long your gf knew but I didn't know for many years... I didn't get many empty promises of change. First time round, he denied and blamed and I bought into it. Once exposed and attending GA, he questioned how we would survive long term, saying that I wouldn't be able to avoid throwing it in his face until he couldn't stand any more...for which he wouldn't blame me.

Different people, different problems.

Thanks and best wishes,

CW

You can't help but pick at scabs I enjoy it and for want of a better word I enjoyed answering did me good. So thanks.

I barley say im sorry only words they can sound empty what I do now counts more. I was with her 20 years made mistakes in the past but never blamed gambling really hid it well to bloody well. Deep down I think she new only really became a big issue 2 years ago before I was gambling what I had all what had but I had it last few years it was more than what I had taking it from where I shouldn't borrowing rom Peter to pay Paul.

I'm surviving but me and the family need to be thriving and with me gambling that wasn't going to happen. I knew I would lose them by admitting it but it was not fair on them anymore I had to let them go to try and get some quality of life back.

Take care of yourself deserve some happiness

Hi Martin , thanks for the support buddy and yes it was a bit of a day , I wondered who switched my fan on, because when I opened my diary it was covered in s*h*i*t ?.

I noticed you didn't get away totally unscathed either ,so well done on not going for the jugular .

Looking at your last few posts mate and your honesty is brilliant and it's clearly allowing you to move forward in your recovery , don't know who said it on here but " It's ok to look back as long as we don't stare " .

Thanks again for all the support mate .

Look after yourself ................................Alan

DAY 114

Cheers Alan thanks for your support to from day 1

A day with no dramas looking forward to tomorrow got my son Overnight got the first time since NYE I've seen plenty but nice to wake up under the same roof.

I'm looking for s new box set to watch I've seen lots to many to list but any recommendations are mist welcome

KTF

DAY 115

Had a great day today Dad n Lad time but it does make me think why I throw it all away for a bet. That's for another day because today is a good day

I've had my son all afternoon unfortunately we've not had enough snow to get out in it but we've watched a film, he's done all his homework and he's out plenty of effort in he could go far this lad of mine

He's helped me cook a great roast I miss cooking especially with him. Might even make a mug cake in a bit.

I've been abandoned now for the Xbox but I can still hear him screaming at his mates, still can't work out why they have to scream down that headset at each other

Chilling out now watching the game just checked this afternoons results over 2 hours after the game not like I used to be with my head in the phone praying for another corner or a late winner.

It's just nice to be lounging on my couch in familiar surroundings my mum and dad have been great but you can't beat your own home. Just relaxing watching the snooker not worrying if O'Sullivan is going to win by 2 frames or what will be the first colour potted. Enjoying sport for what it was invented for. The ex even got me a couple of beers in.

Not looking forward to tomorrow when I have to go, always a down day for me after spending time with him usually spend it locked away all day. Going to attack it differently tomorrow and get out for Sunday club with a few mates.

Not had any thoughts of gambling since NYE and that was only a fleeting thought soon snapped out of it.

KTF

Hi Martin , Sounds like you had s great day with your boy ! Great to hear everything's good with your world ! Just finished work and got a bit of man flu , so couple of drinks , bath and early night I think ! Anyway enjoy your weekend and the rest of your time with your boy ! Take care fella !

Hi Martin,

Try not to dwell on tomorrow, today's been a good one, ok some regrets, crept in but thst is was what this journey is about

You will wake up tomorrow knowing you gave your honest heart out today, that alone will give you strength and determination for the next visit, it's all small steps my friend, and at the end of the day, small steps are mountains now:)))

Proud of you O

Suzanne xxx

DAY 116

Thanks Suzanne just over thinking it a bit going to try and deal with it in a different way this time.

Well I might of been sleeping on the couch but it one of the best nights sleep I've had in ages. Going to make a big fry up for me and the lad. Going to keep busy for the rest of the day. I was going to shave me head but it's a but nippy to go down to the bone so might hang fire with that. The weeks ironing will be there when I get home get that done and a few other jobs then onto Sunday club for a few well earned beers.

Have a great day all I plan to.

KTF

Hello KTF,

Just wanted to thank you for your recent support and a big well done on your gambling free time.

Ive delayed my haircut as well. It does get a bit chilly when we go down to the bone.

Enjoy your fry up and Sunday club. Sounds like your enjoying your recovery.

Regards... S.A 🙂

Hiya KTF, congratulations on 116 days! Due to my relapse I am now 110 days behind you, and there I'll stay.

Your diary is an honest read and it's great to see how things have evolved. It's heartwarming to read of you and your wee boy and your love shines through. Your ex seems like a great girl and it's grand that you still get on.

Many thanks for popping by my diary and giving me support, it is much appreciated.

Onwards and upwards, the only way to go. Take care, friend xx

Hiya Martin and thanks for your post this morning, yeah I can't wait to see my little girl walking down the aisle, not so sure if I'll hold it together for the father of the bride speech though ! Hope you had a good morning with your boy and enjoyed your breakfast, not so sure about all this shaving your head stuff ! Jeez can't you wait till the weather warms up a bit ! Anyway enjoy your few pints with the lads and I'll catch up with you later . Take it easy mate and KTF