Better to Ramble than Gamble.

Better than Barry in the shed mate.

Nice to see you post and have a fab night. You deserve it mate

Best

Cheers Bal, good to see you still posting and supporting.

So I had my open meeting at GA last night for my 4 year pin and always post my therapy on here so here goes.

Good evening my name is Martin and I'm a compulsive gambler, the date of my last bet was 23rd September 2015.

So, where did it all start, probably like most people in here it started innocent enough on days out in the amusements on the old 2p pushers and the horse machine thing where you picked a number and cheered it home or not in my case. I remember having a paper round and getting paid at the weekend's id go up town with my mates at the weekend and often end up in the arcade, they would play the games and I would sneak off to the fruit machines to win a £4 jackpot paid out in tokens sounds mental now when I think about it.

They have always been gambling going on around me my Dad and Uncle both liked a bet but as far as I know never to the extremes that I ended up going. I'm not blaming them but it was around me and maybe I just had that personality that got drawn in by it, it's never been a problem for my 2 brothers. A few things I remember from my childhood about gamble all relate to wins, all on holiday, I dropped a jackpot on an old one arm bandit in Spain and had to put all my pesetas in a sombrero I was wearing as I couldn’t carry them. On another holiday to Spain we went to a trotting track and my Dad put a bet on for me and I got a TriCast up which they tried to refuse to pay us out because I was underage.

When I left school, I went straight into work as a chef while doing day release at college there was quite a big gambling culture in the kitchen cards in the break room nipping to the booking over the road to put bets on, spending afternoons in the bookies on spilt shifts. I soon started going to the bookies on my own and not to the ones where I might bump into my Dad or Uncle, my wage wasn’t lasting so id dip into my savings account where my Mum and had saved money for me and also I had some inheritance so that started to dwindle down. That continued for a year or so then I changed my job to become a butcher and walked into another gambling culture, morning was spent discussing the days racing lunchtimes nipping the bet on and listening to the radio for the results. Had even signed up to a tipping service where I had to nip over to the pay phone to get the codes and find out that he had tipped up, I had some good wins from it but that only gave me more gambling tokens to loss on my own bets because as we know we can’t stop.

It was around this time when I started to realise I had a problem, I was around 20 all my savings had gone so id started to steal money from home even went as far as pawning one of my mums rings and then a few months after when she discovered she had lost it help her search the house high and low all the time know it was never going to be found. I was skimming the till in the butchers tilling in for a pound of mince when someone had just bought a sirloin steak and pocketing the difference, things I’m not prod of but are in the past now. I knew something had to change so I decided to leave home and go and work in the Lakes as a chef.

Moving to the lakes worked, id still gamble on the fruit machines in the pubs and more than I should of but I wasn’t going to the bookies the nearest one was about 4 miles away so in horse dogs or football bets. I had a great time working hard player harder, it was like my university. I met my ex-partner we rented a place together and I stayed in the lakes for about 6 years, I was with the ex for 5 of them and we decided that we wanted to get on the property ladder and could not afford to buy in the lakes so we had back to sunny Oldham.

It didn’t take me long to start paying visit to the bookies at the weekend again, nothing serious just a lucky 15 or an accumulator at the weekend that progressed to the midweek games and before I knew I was back at it missing bills and rent so I could gamble, making excuses to the ex that I had paid things when chase letters came through. I managed to jiggle things around and got bailed out a few time over the next couple of years till I was caught again and given a final chance. I kept away from gambling for a few years managed to get a mortgage and we moved in finding out on the day we moved in that we was going to have a baby and 9 months later Jacob came along. For next few year I never gambled other than the odd lottery or national.

It must have been about 2012 when I started gambling, I convinced the ex we should open an online account to get a welcome bonus for the National bets and it would be more or less free due to the bonus, as we know those free bonus are never free. This open me up to online betting and this is where gambling really took a hold of me. I was gambling daily with all my spare money never got into any debt but had lend money to pay off holidays id already said was paid and was more often than not skint halfway through the month.

In 2014 after being with the ex for 18 years she wanted to get married, we had no savings so took out a loan against the house to do this. At this point my gambling got worse, we found a venue the DJ and photographer and got everything booked in. all the time I said we should just pay the deposits, it didn’t take my long to dip into the wedding fund, just a couple of hundred I could put that back I thought, then it was another couple of hundred and before I knew it was a grand gone. I did have a few wins along the way but as I said before we can’t win because we can’t stop.

At this point I was gambling on all sports and some strange desperate bets snooker the first colour to be potted, football in the middle of the night in South America betting on teams who play at altitude thinking I had an edge Friday morning on the way to work was Chinese football Australian on a Saturday morning. I was even betting on Volleyball I had spreadsheets on it thinking I could outwit the bookies. That never happen and within a few months all the loan for the wedding had gone.

So for the next 6 months I was gambling all my spare money taking out payday loans, borrowing from friends and family and chasing to try and get this money back, I managed to carry on ducking and diving robbing peter to pay Paul and just being very secretive about how much money we had or not as the case was. I avoid things like paying of the balance for the venue, the ex used her own money to buy her dress, I’d put off fittings for the suits when she want to check the balance id come up with some excuse that online banking was down. We’d already sent out the save the date cards and need to send the invitations, I was delaying this say I was waiting for an offer to get us the best deal, all the time know if a big win never came they wouldn’t be a wedding.

23^rd September 2015 was my last bet one final Hail Mary that as you can tell never came off. This was my also my birthday that night we had a nice birthday meal me knowing the following day I was going to have to tell all. The following day came and I got a call off my ex on my lunch and for some reason I just blurted it out there and then, they was no money I’d spent it all. She was very calm, deep-down I think she knew. That night I got home and again she was still calm told me it was over and had packed my stuff into black bin bags. I went upstairs to see my son, didn’t really say much give him the biggest hug and realised that my gambling had cost me a lot more than money.

I then had to do the walk of shame to my Mum and Dads with my black bin bags and ask for a place to stay. If I’m honest I thought it might be a day or 2 and then id back home making the same promise that I won’t do it again, which every time in the past id said I did mean it but just couldn’t stay away and fight of the urge to gamble. Mum and Dad where naturally disappointed by as parents do they took me in. this was the Thursday the next few days I wallowed away in my room sitting in darkness embarrassed and ashamed of what I’d done. On the Saturday I went to see my brother to tell him what an idiot I had done, he was great stuck by me, helped me and cleared off some of my immediate debt and was just there for me. I went home and did a bit of research about gambling addiction, found GamCare and spoke with someone there who wasn’t much helped but did mention GA so I looked into this and found out the next meeting was Tuesday which I vowed to go to. I also started a diary on GamCare and laid my should bare on there, I found this a massive help and made some great friends and kept my diary update for the first 2 years, I update it a bit more sporadically now but it’s always there to look back on.

So the Tuesday came round and it was time to attend my first meeting, if I honest I only went to me first meeting to show the people around me I was doing something about it thinking it will get people off my back. That opinion soon changed, I think it was Ian who took me in the back room and explained what happens, I still wasn’t convince but we went into the main room and someone was doing a therapy about how they had slipped up and had a bet after being over 12 months free and what he was saying just seemed to click with me I realised there and then I needed to be here. In the second half I said my piece what I done think they would all be disgusted with me but they was no judgment just words of advice and support, I left that night feeling like the work had been lifted of my shoulders and knew this was the place for me to be.

We always say the first 90 days are key and you will see a dramatic improvement for me that was true, I hid myself away hardly went out and took stock on life if I’m honest I sort of like self-imposed my own prison sentence I locked myself away and hardly interacted with anyone. Day 67 was a turning point for me, it was coming up to the supposed wedding day and I didn’t know what to do with myself, several of the guys said they would take me out to keep my mind of it, from that point I knew next time someone needed help id be the one putting my hand up and offering,

I remember day 90 well we was closed for Christmas but thankfully Ralph opened his doors at his house and I managed to get my 90 day pen and proceed to break it the next day.

Day 100 was my first real wobble, NYE money was tight and I was expecting some money from the ex but it never arrived, I was out and flashing lights of the fruit machine was calling me I posted this on my online diary and got an immediate response and managed to avoid a disastrous start to the year.

When my 12 months arrived it was mixed feelings, firstly I was P****d of it was a leap year so had to do an extra a day gamble free. But while it was a celebration of a great achievement it also marked the day I broke our family, it wasn’t the ex I missed but my son, it had been a really tough year id been fortunate to see plenty of him and he has never judged me and he know all about, I was always worried what effect coming from a broken home would have on him, he was always a bright lad and I hoped my actions didn’t cause a derailment in his education. Well this year I can say it didn’t he blow me away with his exam results with A’s coming out of his ears and even winning special awards at the school awards night. The most important thing he is some humble a real genuinely nice lad so proud of what he has achieved and can’t wait to see what the future hold for him.

There’s lots more things that happened in the next 3 years but I’ll be here all day if I was to share them all with you. A little update on where I’m at now. Still at home but looking to change that next year because dispute what I thought of myself that no one would ever want me if managed to stumble across a girl that is willing to walk by my side while I tackle this addiction head on, I’ve never hidden anything from Emma, I told her before we met, I’m an open book I’ve told her all my troubles the signs to lookout for, she has even enjoured the pain of reading all 1037 post on my diary. But that’s what it’s about, early on I was told honesty and transparency are the keys and I can’t agree more, thankfully she has shown an interest and she started to notice the amount of gambling that is pushed into our faces from those dark days thinking id be alone for ever I’m starting to see a glimmer of light and am very hopefully this time next year when I receive my 5 year pin she will be by my side.

Anyhow I’ll leave it there as I’m starting to ramble but I always say it’s better to ramble than gamble. My name is Martin and im a compulsive gambler

Hi Oldhamktf,

Good to see you back and posting on the forum. Thank you for sharing your story and experiences with others, I imagine that some of the things you have expressed will resonate with others. It is great to see how far you have come and that you can enjoy life. Hopefully, your post will inspire others.

Take good care of yourself,

Best wishes,

Fiona 

Forum Admin

Mate,

A raw and emotional post all rolled into one with honesty and transparency ripping through every piece of it.

The post and your diary should be signposted to all new and existing users.

Proud to have walked alongside you in our journeys mate.

Best

I’ve not had a bet today or for the last 5 year and 2 leap days. 

just a quick update to let you guys in still going well and you can do this if you have the real desire to stop. 

it’s not rocket science it’s as simple as just avoiding the first bet then the others will never come. Sounds easy like that but trust me I know it’s hard. Best advise I can give is listen to people around you find external support you can’t do this alone be honest with those around you and ask her help. Use all the blocks you can. 

the most important piece of advice is to ENJOY IT life without gambling is far better than life with gambling.

Someone I know the other day bragged they had a big win and it was a substantial win and showed me there account and said do you not wish you was still gambling now. Without hesitation my answer was NO to start off I don’t miss it but as I said to him it wouldn’t be in my account I would of carried because I CANT WIN BECAUSE I CANT STOP. 

It’s better to ramble than gamble. KTF

Dear @oldhamktf,

huge congratulations on 5 years (plus two leap days) gamble free! That is such an achievement and thank you so much for your update, I am sure it will serve as an inspiration for many.

I am also glad to hear how determined you still are in your recovery and when people try to lead you astray you can stand firm. You are so right, who knows how long that money will stay ungambled.

Wishing you continued success on your journey and please keep sharing.

All the very best,

Eva

Forum Admin

Massive accomplishment. Well done to you. I am so happy that you have done this for yourself and also how important it is to show others that this life is possible. Your words are so very true. Nothing is ever won by gambling. All happiness is short lived. All money finds its way back eventually. All wins are just gambling credits. They may as well just credit your account in time owed rather than money because that's all it will ever be. Just more time spent gambling. How true about avoiding the first bet and the rest won't come. It's like a train wreck. You gamble and no matter what the outcome, you need more. It doesn't satisfy because it is an empty and hollow experience. You do it until you either run out of money or soul. Pour everything into the machine in the hopes that it will offer you something back in return. Many people aren't even looking for money, many don't know what they are searching for, but I guarantee they are looking in the wrong place.  

So glad that you came back to shine some light on the forum. There is hope for all of us to lead a happy and fulfilling gamble free life. You just have to remember that when gambling comes knocking, don't answer the door. Once you let it in, it's so hard to make it leave and many poor people can't turf it out until it takes everything else out with it. 

Congratulations.

Hey Oldham, 

I hope you are stating safe on your lily pad. 

Best wishes, 

Toad. 

Hi Oldham,

Glad to see u pop up on here again, even better to see you on the five year mark, well done mate,  thank you for all the support you've given me over the years, u never judged and were always positive.  In 2019 I only gambled 144 pounds, and this year haven't gambled a penny.  If ur free on 2nd Dec I'll hit my year gamble free so will be on chat then also on new years eve to celebrate a successful year .. All the best adam

Hello Oldham, 

Well done in reaching the five year mark. That really is some achievement. I remember chatting to you years ago when I was a wee bit younger.

Toad

afternoon,

Just popped on as someone from these forums has reached out to me and wanted to look back over his diary before he attends my GA meeting tonight but realized id not put an update on since last when I hit 5 years thanks for the replies even got a message of my Slimy Green Friend. all going well no major updates since my last post apart for been in a relationship for nearly 2 years and moved into my own place no gambling to report, while it never goes await it does get easier and you learn how to deal with the urges, after nearly 6 years gamble free I still attend GA not been as easy to do that with the Covid thing but meetings are opening back up hopefully my old Mate Loz will come tonight and i will get to meet a GamCare member in 3D.

I'll leave it there  but I always say it’s better to ramble than gamble. My name is Martin and I'm a compulsive gambler

Another year ticked on by just over 7 years since i come here and barred my soul, with here and GA it has worked not a single penny has been gambled, has it been easy? certainly not to start with it was been come easier over time. I'm still very much aware I'm a compulsive gambler and have blocks in place and haven't become complacent and am aware I just cant gamble.

Use all the tools available to you never be scared to ask for help its not something you can achieve alone, you need accept you need help and open to taking it and never give up on giving up.

as always

its better to ramble than gamble.

So 7 ½ years or as I used to count back in the day 2729 days gamble free. So sat in work and obviously knew Cheltenham started today you cant mis the hype used o try and hide from it years ago but the made it worse. Until now probably 4 or 5 races in had I’ve not given it a thought. Someone asked me if id had a bet and proudly told them not for over 7 years and explained why, its not something I’d hidden but this person only started a few years ago and I’ve never had to pester him for a borrow to pay for my latest loss as used to with my other colleagues.

When I told him he said he  wish he didn’t as cost him more than he wins, told him of what I did here GA and admitting I had a problem he nodded and just walked away, not ready yet you can lead a horse to water but cant make them drink. That’s one of the main reasons I don’t post on here anymore, people cry out for help you give them the advice and as soon as next pat day comes along they think they’ve learnt how to control it and you hear nothing from them again until they cry for help again. All or nothing for me.

I’m a completely different person to the one that turned up here on 23/9/15 and I owe a lot to Gamcare and will always be grateful it worked so well in tandem with GA another group I owe my life to and another one I no longer partake in. I do feel guilty at times for  not giving back to both gamecare and GA but my diary will be here I’ll never delete it might help someone someday if they have the patient to read it lol, I’ve progressed living in own flat debt free did have a relationship but that end recently and not because of anything I did just wasn’t right no animosity unlike my previous ex who had lots of reasons after my gambling.

Just thought I do drop a post today with the big horse racing meeting that used strike fear into me for the first 2 or 3 years, interestingly I tried to log on to Gamcare on my work PC and I was denied entry to the site for being gambling related the worlds gone mad.

As always

Better to Ramble than Gamble