Better to Ramble than Gamble.

Yeah life's a bit like that sometimes eh , you plod along and everythings ok when out of the blue whack !! , we may have given up gambling but we all seem to feel the ripples of that bloo,dy big rock we dropped in the pond of life for quite some time afterwards , its about acceptance mate as with the quote your well aware of " Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change " and never a truer word spoken , its just it still blood.y hurts at times ? .

I'm glad your ok Martin and I hope you don't mind me checking !

Talk to you soon my friend , Night ............AL

aaaargh ! Your so good at that it's annoying !! Bloo.dy balloons now ! LOL

Hey KTF. ..that must have been hard....felt for you as i read it....nothing i can say to help....just...a hug (())...stay strong xx

Day 208

Been struggling a bit this last week not with gambling but with the damage and destruction it has done to mine and the people I love.

My sons 13th Birthday tomorrow can't afford to get him what I normally would he's not bothered but he deserves more. I will see him briefly in the morning and hopefully the day after. It's hard if your reading this and thinking I won't lose my family if you carry on gambling you eventually will.

KTF

Morning Martin , a warning to us all my friend but at least your son has his dad's time and attention now which is worth far more in the long run ! Keep well buddy ! AL

Hi Oldham,

I think we're going to keep getting the guilt trips no matter how far we are in our recovery but we can not change the things we have done, I'm currently using my guilt trips to stop me making the same mistakes again.

Your son knows you love him, he doesn't need materialistic things to know this, he needs you to be the best dad you can be, he needs you to be there when he gets his first real date, when his heart gets broken, when he gets stressed when he gets to his exams, when he gets his first car and needs help with an oil change.....that is what your son needs. Don't get bogged down with what you have/haven't got him, materialistic things last a few months but you being the best dad you can be will last a life time!

Keep your chin up and keep fighting this fight.... for you and your son.

I know the presents don't matter it the rmtime I wayed when he was growing up, can't change that now. It's the not being there for him now. As much as I'm trying now it doesn't seem enough. I think he is happy with the time we have together but selfishly I'm not but only myself to blame for that.

As I would say to others things will get better get a grip and get on with it.

KTF

I understand completely where your coming from, not quite in the same situation as you, my oldest lives with me and goes to stay at his dad's, we alternate birthday and christmas. This part is all new to you but I promise you that you will find a way to adapt, I'm not going to say it gets easier, because I miss my son completely when he's not here, but you learn to enjoy the moments more when he's with you, my son has 2 birthdays and Christmas every year as we both celebrate separately with him, not necessarily a party or anything like that...but always cake! He loves coming back from his dad's to see his little brothers have made him a birthday cake...no matter how wonky it is lol

Oh Martin, heart wrenching for you but you mustn't punish yourself, like Al says, your time is more important than anything else to your son. You can't get time wasted back as you rightly said, but you can make the best of your time going forward. How are things going with your ex, is there any thaw on the horizon? Sorry if that's intrusive, and please don't answer if you're uncomfortable with the question. I just really want you to get your 'happily ever after' because you've worked so hard to get where you are now and like Deano and Al (amongst others) give bundles of support to others.

Things will get better if you KTF!

Twinks x

Cheers guys your right all new to me. It's not an over night fix as I well know your right onlyme in time this will become the norm and I'll work through it ODAAT.

It still a bit frosty with the ex I know she's not happy she's struggling to but she seems determined to do it without me and I get that. We are getting on well for the most part so that's something. I have my son 3 nights a week and stay at the house while she works nights. I see him briefly a few other nights and knock on the window every morning when I pass for work in the morning, always get a huge smile to brighten my day. So I'm very lucky with the access I have.

KTF I'm trying my best

Work in progress eh Martin , never say never and as you say KTF !

Take care buddy .........................AL

OOOH , you s'od , now I'm gonna be laying awake all night thinking what ****** is ?

You're doing all the right things and it sounds like you're doing your bit in helping with your son etc. If your ex is anything like me, she is doing her utmost to prove that she can manage alone and that's no bad thing. No doubt she is struggling, but you're there to take the slack when needed, and like Deano says, you are a top bloke and time is a great healer. The worst that's going to happen is you will continue to see your boys beaming smile every morning, and that's priceless my friend.

Twinks x

Day 209

Just been to see my lad he's a happy chappy. Managed to hold it together OAU.

HAPPY 13th BIRTHDAY JACOB LOVE YOU XXX

KTF

Hi Martin

Just wanna say I'm a massive admirer of you and your diary.

You obviously came here at a very low point with regards to the clear destruction caused to your relationship with your family by gambling. But it seems like you're really honest about yourself and committed to recovery.

It seems you're on the right path, and although it's hard...Perseverance/courage/determination/persistence - these are the qualities so alien to gamblers but which you are starting to live by, not just aspire to.

Congrats on the 200

Louis