Today….. I told my parents!
It was honestly one of the most horrific experiences of my life. I’d played the scenario over and over in my head for months.
There was lots of shouting, and nasty comments. Even more tears.
My dad would barely look at me, and didn’t say “I love you” back when I left.
My mum, although disappointed and devastated at first, cuddled me, allowed me to just cry…… then was more reasonable than I will ever deserve.
Not only am I compulsive gambler, but I also used their money (money I was entrusted to look after) to clear credit cards debts….. only to max them out all over again.
Ashamed doesn’t do it justice!
I am attending my first GA meeting tomorrow…. The only input my dad had was that he insisted he comes with me - Are family members allowed? He wants to attend and pretend he’s also a gambler. I don’t want to start my journey of recovery on another lie….. all I’ve done thus far is lie. But my father was undeterred by my reasoning. He will drive me and attend every week.
Luckily, I earn a half decent wage, and by some miracle my evil existence hasn’t merged into my respectable working life. I have set up a budget to repay my parents over a 3yr period. It will take 5yrs to settle the credit cards - the interest is a killer!
Tonight was the first time I’ve actually spoken aloud about the mess I’ve caused. I feel like I can breathe for the first time in forever.
My biggest shame is that I may sleep soundly tonight while my parents will not.
No one said it was going to be easy, but despite how hard it was to tell your parents, you’ve come through it and ultimately it sounds like both parents are there to support you.
You dad doesn’t need to pretend to be a gambler, he can attend the first time as a parent, there to support you. Honesty is a really important cornerstone of recovery in GA and that applies to him too.
You will need to be free to talk honestly in the room without judgement, and it’s very difficult for non gamblers to not pass judgement at some of the things that we as gamblers have done.
My advice is at the first meeting ask to speak to the chairman, explain your dad would like to sit in on the first meeting to support you and check that is okay. We’ve never had a problem yet.
If he wants to take you every week that’s great, very supportive, and you should thank him for that.
Have a good first meeting and be as honest as you can. No judgement for probably the first time in your life.
Chris.
Hi
Thank you for your sharing and your honesty.
It is very powerful that you told your parents!
Sadly some parents will think that being honest is the blame game.
By you being so honest they may not be able to face your pains and your fears.
You sharing the most horrific experiences of your life is very powerful.
There was lots of shouting, and nasty comments, yet it is all out now.
Your tears are the hurt inner child coming out.
You dad also finds it hard to face the pains and fears of his past.
Your dad barely looked at you, he to also needs time to heal and face his hurt inner chld.
He will love you even more once the healing process starts.
Such honesty coming out in one moment is very scary for people who have buried their pains from their past.
Your mum and dad really want to see that little child in you heal.
Your mum, although disappointed cuddled you which is her healing process also, and allowed you to cry.
That was very powerful.
If we have a heathy active conscience we have all felt ashamed and guilty yet in time as we all heal the guilt shame regret is processed in a healthy way.
We learn from a very healthy past.
We learn to live a much healthier day today.
Best thing you can do going to your first GA meeting.
Your dad can find healing in his time also.
Your time in your recovery is for you and best is you do it alone to start off with.
By your parents attending a Gamanon meetings helps them learn from their past paisn and fears.
It would not be healthy for your dad to pretend he is a compulsive gambler that would be alie to start off with.
Your dad being willing to drive you is very helpful.
If there are talks after meetings ask your dad to let you have time to talk to others so that you get a better understanding.
Once you settle the credit cards you will have more healthier choices with your life and your time.
So true the interest on redit cards is a killer!
This being the first time you have exposed your self and your hurt nner child is very powerful.
Your parents will also start to heal when they are ready for it.
Telling so many lies and living in so many fears is very stressful to our well being.
It is only by abstaining from all unhealthy habits that we can exchange unhealthy habits in to healthy habits.
Dave L
Gamblers Anonymous has two types of meetings : open meetings and closed meetings. If it is a closed meeting then your Dad should not go as that type is just for gamblers but if it is an open meeting he should attend and should not pretend to be a gambler just be himself., there to support you. GA thrives on honesty and it won't do for your Dad to be not honest as to why he is there. Best wishes on your recovery.
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