B*****k's to Gambling! JP.x

jp.

well done in posting a recovery diary i simply wish you every sucess in your recovery fella,take each day as it comes and remember you cant change the past that money is gone but through not gambling you can decide a better future.

keep posting and reading diaries it helps.

duncs. stepping foward,never back.

Hi JP, well done for getting all that down and for starting a diary. Your story will be familiar to all of us here. No win is ever big enough. We all think we will stop, but being a compulsive gambler just keeps us going. Winning is just borrowed cash and extra time to keep the thrill going. Complacency is always an addicts down fall. The addiction lulls us into a false sense of security......'just a little bet, I'm ok now'. Before we know it we are back into binge mode. My binges always started from adding 20p to a half filled credit on a fruit machine.....next step was a pound, then the rest of my change, then a withdrawal....then back home onto the Internet account, then before I knew it a thousand pounds had gone. Keep posting daily, read, read and read. Help other people on their diaries. Leave no avenue open for gambling.....trust me, if it's open you will take it.

Well done, get your life back on track, build those friends back up, stop lieing, build your self esteem. Learn from this and make yourself a better person. Take care Russ

Day 18

Thank you Duncanmac, Russ1 for your encouragement! Mid week through my third week and am really struggling with something. I cannot put my head on it, focus finding it tough at work. I have had flu all week which isnt helping and my mindset is focused not to gamble and wont give in. Maybe its this I just dont know.

Or maybe this is what's called reality and getting back to grips with it, I mean I have money everyday, in excess somthing I am not used to and dont know what to buy? Anyway I am sure things will come togethetr as long as I beat this. Looking forward to weekend. Gamble free, already planning the rest of the time off.

Take care all and keep it up, have not much time yet to read other diaries but I will and looking forward to. I feel they will help a lot too.

Tace care for now

JP

Good morning

You are doing really well. It gets better by a smidgin every day , maybe focus on saving that money for something you really want. A holiday or an iPad. It will give you a goal whist at the same time helping you get some sense of the value of money again.

Keep at it JP , it's a long road but worth it in the end.

Take care, hope you are feeling a bit better today.

Dusty

Day: 19

Morning all,

Another day, payday tomorrow and focusing on what the money will be used for rather than the usual (wake up early hours gamble it all and go to work with no sleep, food and feeling like the world caved in)... That feels good for a change! DustyFairy thank you for your support, I am definitely taking your advice. One major thing that has devastated me more than anything through gambling was blowing my redundancy pay (10,000,00 in a few days over the christmas period). I had been planning a 4-6 month backpacking trip through South East Asia so that went adrift. I plan to save enough money and head out there this time. That is my main goal. Something to focus for...

Ooooppsss.. 06:25 gotta get to work, this site is addictive ! (lol)... Take care all and good luck and me. Speak soon.

Pete

Good afternoon,

Hope you had a good day at work. When we are gambling we have big dreams of what we will do with the money, we then can not stop as we believe we can increase that win we had , or we start to get into trouble and start to chase our way out of it. The dream then changes to just getting enough to cover out tracks.

Once we stop, our dreams start to become achievable again. It takes a bit longer but they are there, little by little you will see by saving your money Asia getting closer. Gamble and it becomes a pipe dream.

I wish you all the strength in the world tomorrow , if you can get through that pay day and stay clean until the next you should find the next one just a bit easier.

As for MH, once I stopped , the obsessing about money, the guilt about what I had done, the lies and inner battles became less and less. I still have a long way to go, to get to the point that actually like the person I see in the mirror but every day myself esteem builds by a smidgen , just one bet will wipe that all away.

I will be watching out for your posts over the next few days, stay strong my friend , stay very very strong.

Dusty

Day: 20

Morning Dusty, all...

Had a great day at work thanks, great day at work? How is that possible??? Just seem more relaxed and getting more involved again, I have a really good job and am pretty lucky but am only just realising this... Starting to pull the odd joke again and understand what you and everybody else is saying about getting back to the person we used to like.

Your right by saying one slip and it could all be undone, back to square one. Definitely dont want that , I'm starting to like this feeling, I'm way off yet but 1 day at a time. Tbh I hate myself big time, meaning that bad I have not had a relationship for the last 6 or so years because of this, maybe that will change, I am already looking at the opposite s*x with a bit of a smile again, it's working wonders 🙂

Normally this time as it's payday I would have already been up since 01:00am and about now spent all my wages and left myself £10.00 for the week for everything, when i was paid monthly about £50.00 if i was lucky. Ok, sometimes I'd be up, but imho this would be worse as i would just be killing myself at work (or maybe ring in sick) waiting for the opportunity to raise the stakes, win more and ultimately end up with 0 balance and maybe a payday loan. This morning I have had 7 hours sleep and every penny stil in the bavk ready for me to withdraw it on the way to work. Feels good. So the time now I spend on here and other things so this site is helping tremendously!!!!!!!

Onwards and upwards, through the bad and the good. Take care all and the best in recovery!

Pete.

Morning,

That's the spirt Pete, could not help but notice you had posted on a few diarys this morning. I find that really helps me. It sort of helps reinforce what I write on mine.

Frustrating for you to have to fight this battle weekly , because of your payday, although the upside to that , is that we all need to learn new behaviours break old habits. By you needing to do this weekly your progress through that should be quicker than say myself who gets paid monthly. Hope that makes some sense.

Look forward to hearing from you tomorrow .

Stay strong

Dusty

Hi Jungle Pete..(good name)

thanks for popping in to my diary...and yes..you'll need about a week to read it...This is my second diary as the other archived...a potted summary is that I am an ex other half of a CG and went through a painful break up at xmas ...it all happened "live" so to speak on here hence the many writings...

I stayed around and have made some great gamcare friends but winding down posting now and living again.

I shall follow your diary with interest as I still read and keep onto of others recovery progress and fly the flag with everyone else.

Keep posting your thoughts,feelings and progress and take care....

Rachel .

jungle pete.

well fella what can I say, nothing except WELL DONE!! you have logged into the programme fully and it is wonderfull to see another high spirited one to the ranks, What a wonderful place it is once you take the gambling goggles off!! keep em off fella and keep moving forward.

duncs stepping forward never back.

Hello all,

What great and awesome people on here. Thank you to all, I came on here tonight as I have had a few beers, normally it's the morning time I log in but I have this strange crazy feeling I want to put some money into some of my (old) favourite site . d**n, I'm glad I withdrew all my money this morning. But I am reeking for some gamble, so I came here an read your posts, Rachel, Dusty my awesome and Duncanmac...Thank you. I think you guy's have helped me today.

I am going to watch a movie, (Jackie Chan) sorry if you dont like 🙂 and contemplate what I would have done if i did'nt read this post tonight.

I feel sick.

Pete

Onwards and upward's

Hey Pete

Welcome and good to see you on hear - definitely a great place to find support for anyone serious about their recovery.

As others have said, no win is ever enough. A win is simply more ammunition to destroy our own dreams - and sometimes those of our loved ones.

Stay strong and I look forward to reading your continued success.

Evening

Don't feel sick feel proud , feel awesome, cause you did not go through with it.

Good for you, this will be the first challenge of many,like the crystal maze, you just earned yourself a crystal. Or a crystal for our team, I got one this week but you can read about that when I post on my own diary tomorrow.

Enjoy your film,

Stay strong

Dusty.

Oh my goodness! Be proud you have come so far! I can hear so much of my own story in yours. I was an online slots addict and was blowing loads of money I didn't have on a daily basis then having to budget to get enough food for the week. Then I would win a bit and feel fantastic. I sat down with last months bank statement and cried when I realised how bad it had become.

I am 15 days clean now and hope to be able to stay as positive as you! Keep up the good work!

Tracy x