Hi I put a block on the apps via my bank tried self exclusions shut my wife’s account but still managing to find new accounts to join or sites or my wife’s accounts as she had one or two she never closed. I told myself I was going to stop a few months back. Every mouth without fail I find a way to gamble on slot machines and I just blew £100 pounds. I had been hardly spending money telling myself I needed to save yet found money for the slots. Any advice? I can self exclude the last two but I always seem to find a way. I use my brother and mums free offers. I went 3 weeks clear of the slots I could actually budget my money and all has been going well but I relapse so often?
The question to honestly ask yourself is do you want to stop gambling? Have you had enough of feeling like you do?
If not keep going until you’ve lost more and more.
If you have had enough do something if the limited blocks you have put in aren’t working for you.
What could you do? You could tell your family not to let you use their accounts.
You could give your cards and money over to your wife to stop you having access to it.
You could go to a GA meeting and get some proper help with others who understand you.
You could call Gamcare and do a counselling course.
Any of those things work for you?
Chris.
Hi
When I walked out of the gambling establishments having lost more money than I could afford what were my feelings and emotions.
In time in my recovery which I see and understand is a healing process I would be able to understand to what depth my pains were buried and suppressed.
My legs use to twitch and I felt emotionally vulnerable before my addictions and obsesssions.
Day one I was thinking if I could stop gambling I would be happy, that was not true for me.
Once I understood my emotional triggers were pains not healed fears not faced and frustrations due to my unreasonable expectations of people life and situations, also boredom and loneliness.
I placed blocks in my life, not carrying around very much money, handing over finances to my wife and then went to more than one meeting per week.
By reducing the chances of going back to the gambling establishments I stopped causing myself any more pains.
In time I made the decision that just for today I will not gamble.
By attending meetings I would understand how to ddeal with things in a much healthier way.
I do hope you stick with your recovery is wil save you alot of pain and suffering.
With out gambling life is far more healthly and less painful.
How much do you want to be healthy in your life today.
Love and peace to every one.
Dave L
AKA Dave Of Beckenham UK
I blocked my card and that’s been working I couldn’t deposited and I self excluded most major sites. Sadly my wife’s bank doesn’t offer a block so I got in to hers last week and wasted about £100. Last night I got round it via the transfer from bank which is a flaw in the system as my bank can’t block it not many sites offer it but I lost £60. I felt terrible anxiety and panic after losing it. Does every loss feel worse? I gambled my savings every month without fail. Anybody any suggestions? I am struggling to cope when the urge comes I think it’s a good idea to gamble as my head says I can make money. I have tried to stop and yes I don’t gamble daily but I always get a few days each month i find a site to gamble?
@sportsfan88 I go back to my question three weeks ago. Have you had enough?
If you have then the next question is would you do anything to help yourself?
If the answer to that is yes then you need some help from someone other than yourself. I advocate Gamblers Anonymous but you could call the Gamcare advisors and maybe do some counselling.
Imagine you were helping someone else and you wanted to make it as difficult for them as possible to gamble, what would you advise them?
Also know that you can’t do it on willpower alone. It’s not a weakness to ask for help. Your addiction has no limits but you do. It will beat you down forever unless you get help.
What do you think?
Chris.
Hi
I found that writing down my needs my wants and eventualy my gols was a big help.
To have a daily list of things to do and as I do each one cross them off.
It wwas important for me tonot only attend meeting but to get more motivated and to stop being obsessive.
My fears were so over whelming and over time as I opened up more and asked my self what is the worse that can happen those fears reduced.
My addictions and my obsessions were so over whelming.
Yet by being in recovery and healing my pains I would become less emotionnally vulnerable.
Regards Dave L
@sportsfan88 rather than wait until you’ve gambled again before you are back on here why not start a daily diary to hold yourself accountable?
Maybe engage with others and see if that helps?
Chris.
Do you mean a diary of other stuff I can do to keep busy? I know i need to find other things to do it’s hard to put a schedule together i work 3 days but get 4 days off together that’s when I risk gambling.
@sportsfan88 No, I mean a diary of your life, how you are feeling on a regular basis. If life is going well say so, if life is a bit of a struggle, say so. Nervous about payday, say so, got through payday and the stress levels drop again, say so. A lot of people don’t have anywhere to get anything off their chest and those thoughts can grow and fester into escaping into gambling. By getting those thoughts out it can be like a release valve, taking the pressure off you.
If you want to talk about how you fill your 4 days off great. Maybe something you say will help others, but if you do it regularly then you hold yourself accountable.
Maybe read some of the other diaries on here to get an idea of what they write about.
I’m no counsellor but I know it helps, especially if you use it honestly. By that I mean when you’re struggling, say you’re struggling. Amazingly, just by talking about something can help get rid of that feeling. It’s what we do in our GA group, sharing our story, talk about our feelings. It works and it could work for you.
Chris.
So I went 3 weeks without any real money deposits sadly I let myself down yesterday and blew another £70 pounds. My gambling controls were off in my bank by accident and I found one of those cards you can buy to top up despite paying a £3 fee. I feel I am making progress but atleast one or twice a month I have a big impulse to spend a large sum. When the urge comes I can’t control it. My only focus is to gamble. Any tips how I can stop getting caught out every month usually before pay day?
@sportsfan88 That’s a shame. You will always be able to find a way around blocks and I’d ask yourself honestly if you even had any gambling controls on your bank to start with. They don’t just go off by accident, you have to physically select them on or off and then you have to normally wait 24 hours, normally time to get past the urge.
I’d not seen the diary, maybe if you had done that you might have put down that you were feeling anxious or wanting a bet. Even talking about it might have helped get past that urge?
You ask for advice but it feels you are looking for a certain type of advice. Have you phoned the Gamcare counsellors yet? Have you gone to a GA meeting yet? Have you signed up to Gamstop yet? Have you moved all your money over to your wife and stopped all of your access to it?
There’s lots of advice, all that works. You just need to do something otherwise it will keep happening.
I look forward to hearing about anything you have done to help yourself.
Chris.
I know I need to be more pro active. I’m having therapy and I mentioned it and she’s going to see what other help I can get. I won a free bet so it had a £10 withdrawal limit it was £9 so I switched it off by which time too late I gambled. I admit I have not done much of that. Why well I hoped it could sort of go away on its own. Maybe a lazy approach maybe I don’t understand addictions. Moving money is an option but other than that all advice means I have to control that urge myself. As you say always ways to gamble. I’m trying to convince myself it’s wrong to gamble. I don’t quite understand how I morph into another person and lose control spending money. I am guessing I need to keep trying the steps above until I reach a point where I say I don’t want to play anymore.
@sportsfan88 If you had registered with Gamstop or has gamblock or some other blocking software installed you wouldn’t get the free bets. Do you also realise that there are no free bets? Nothing the betting company does is for your benefit.
I also understand that you want to do it by yourself and that’s admirable, but if you can accept that you can’t do it on your own, that it’s out of your control, it’s easier to get help and put gambling down.
I’m going to see if I can put a link to the gambler’s anonymous orange book called questions and answers to see if there is anything in there that might help you.
Chris.
Thanks for the link. So it says a gambler can never gamble sensibly again? Interested about that why would that be and why can’t they do odd free bet or lottery says they always go back to old habbits is it something in the brain it triggers?
@sportsfan88 Because for problem gamblers it opens the mind that you’re okay now, because you can do the lottery(for example) you should be able to control slots again(for example).
GA believes that this addiction is with you for life, but it can be kept at bay on a daily basis. I’ve tried before to limit my gambling or just focus on one type of gambling but in reality it’s never worked. Never.
I like the idea of doing the lottery as it’s only a couple of pounds, but I don’t in case it makes me think I’m okay again, and I don’t want to go back to it for anything. No raffle tickets, not even tossing a coin to determine who goes first in something. My life is just so much better by not gambling and there isn’t anything that not gambling stops me from doing.
I’m glad you read the book, even if it starts you to ask questions. If it helps you that can only be a good thing.
Chris.
We are available 24 hours a day, every day of the year. You can also contact us for free on 0808 80 20 133. If you would like to find out more about the service before you start, including information on confidentiality, please click below. Call recordings and chat transcripts are saved for 28 days for quality assurance.
