[Closed] Charly's life

Thanks Freda and Jas.((((xxxx))))

Today's thought from Hazelden is:

The first skill needed for the Inner Game is called "letting it happen." This means gradually building a trust in the innate ability of your body to learn and to perform.

--W. Timothy Gallwey

A strange and intriguing mystery confronts us in the Twelve Steps. We are mending our ways; we are becoming accountable; we are striving to do what is right, yet we are learning to let go. This seems like a contradiction of logic, but it leads us to a spiritual awakening.

We are becoming like the accomplished tennis player who has practiced diligently to develop every detail of his skill. Yet when he is playing the game, he cannot focus on control. He must get his ego out of the way and let himself go. It is in letting go that he rises to his highest level of fulfillment. Today we will do what we must. We can make the choices we are faced with. Then we allow ourselves to be carried along by our Higher Power to complete and fulfill the process.

I will look for opportunities to let it happen today.

You are reading from the book:

Touchstones by Anonymous

Today's thought from Hazelden is:

Being alone and feeling vulnerable. Like two separate themes, these two parts of myself unite in my being and sow the seeds of my longing for unconditional love.

--Mary Casey

How easily we slip into self-doubt, fearing we're incapable or unlovable, perhaps both. How common for us to look into the faces of our friends and lovers in search of affirmation and love.

Our alienation from ourselves, from one another, from God's Spirit, which exists everywhere, causes our discontent. It is our discontent. When souls touch, love is born, love of self and love of the other. Our aloneness exists when we create barriers that keep us separate from our friends, our family. Only we can reach over or around the barriers to offer love, to receive love.

Recovery offers us the tools for loving, but we must dare to pick them up. Listening to others and sharing ourselves begins the process of loving. Risking to offer love before receiving it will free us from the continual search for love in the faces of others.

I won't wait to be loved today. I will love someone else, fully. I won't doubt that I, too, am loved. I will feel it.

You are reading from the book:

Each Day a New Beginning by Karen Casey

Happy Revocery

God Bless

Charly/Sabine

Hi Diary

Charly's world is turning very nicely at the moment and I am very grateful for that.

My Ange and I spend last Sunday at the Spring Steam ***** in Alresford and had a fabulous day out riding old Steam trains up and down the track from Alresford to Alton and back. We're there again in 2 weeks time to have 3 course meal on one of the old dining trains. Looking forward to that. Also looking forward to seeing Kenny Rogers in Bournemouth in June and the Osmonds with Leo Sayer and Leslie McKeown at Wembley in July. Then it is camping in September and then preparing again for Christmas....goals for 2010...nice and simple. In between we are having all the plumbing and all the electrics done in the house(messy but long overdue)

Am so very grateful for not gambling any more for if I was, all the above goals would have not been realised. 🙂

I have to practise the Highway code and Hackney rules and regualtions and what the law says about this and that and how to get from A to B in the New Forest. All of which did put me in a frantic spin a few days ago. Since then I have stopped spinning and have decided what will be will be.

In the past I have never been good at tests or exams..I was always to nervous and my brain would just go blank...

Like I said on Freda's diary..I am not going to let myself go down that road and that way of thinking again.

In my old life I was that person, frightened at every exam or test I had to take...I have re-invented myself over the past 2 3/4 year and I am now someone who can achieve whatever I want to achieve..it might take several attempts...but I will succeed.

And even if I don't..then it just wan't meant to be and will find soemthing else.

Today I am grateful for who I am becoming...

Thank you

God Bless

Charly/Sabine

Morning Charly,

We must have been posting at the same time! Thank you for your wise words...you always help me to put things into perspective.

Now you....I really appreciate your daily thoughts on here, so helpful 🙂 How is your health Charly?

Always in my thoughts and prayers.

Jas xx

Hi Charly,

thanks for your post, Im glad to hear you are remaining positive!

Its a bummer about the tests, but as you say worrying will not make any difference as to whether you pass or fail.

Your recent health problems must have really put a lot of things in perspective for you. I imagine it makes fretting over things beyond your control seem like a huge waste of energy.

I am proud of the 2 days I have completed so far in my job, and whatever happens from here I will have done my best. With mental health problems you cannot force things or you go downhill FAST! So I will accept whichever way the job goes for me.

Thanks again, you are a star!

f x

Hi Charly

First of all thank you for posting on my diary.It means a lot to me that someone like yourself who has abstained from gambling for so long takes an interest in how im doing.

Almost 3 years,thats gotta feel good.

I had tried to stop many times before Charly,but without any help.I suppose i was scared of admitting how bad my gambling was and also the response i would get from others.I was also ashamed of how i was.I have to admit coming on this forum is one of the best descisions i have ever made.

Reading how happy you are now Charly makes me even more determined. There is definatley life after gambling.All the best Jeff.

Hi Charly,

Thanks for your thoughts and i take your point about over-analysing etc. Am just struggling to manage my feelings with stuff in my life at the moment but I guess my feelings shall pass. Let it go I keep repeating to myself like a mantra.

Glad to hear that your in a positive place at the moment.. S.A 🙂

Hi Diary

Thank you Jas, Ade, Freda, Jeff and S.A. for your kind comments.

Jas - Thanks my girl for your concern. Health is as good as it can be at the moment. Still taking painkillers for very painful, useless joints. Without them I would be instantly turning into my Mom, walking at snail's pace and not able to lift anything. I manage with them. Hey the cancer is still in remission for which I am grateful. What's a bit of pain, eh..actually very frustrating at times, but managable. Thanks for asking. Love and Hugs

Ade - thanks for your kind words, appreciated as always. As for my music taste

...c'mon..someone gotta like to good ole country music... I do however like all sorts of other music too. The best concert I have ever been to , has to be the Magic Tour by Freddie Mercury and Queen way back in 1986, followed closely by Meatloaf. I have also been known to go to musicals and operas. So you see...my music preferences are very broad... no worries.. lol

Freda - Thank you my girl for your kind words.

"..accept whichever way the job goes for me..." Good girl. Good attitude to have. Once I learned(and still learn) to accept things as they come at me, I learned(and am still learning) that I can deal with them much better, without getting into a mental marathon with myself.

Jeff - your post made me smile, thank you kindly

"..seeing how happy you are now, makes me even more determined..."

good stuff...if my ramblings and the way I deal with "me" helps someone else, then it is worhtwhile coming here and posting and off-loading. It helps at least one person - me 🙂

S.A. - glad you like what I write, thank you for reading and commenting my friend.

"struggling with feelings, but I guess my feelings shall pass..."

They certainly will. The difference between then and now is...I can feel the feelings without picking up the gambling. I can be angry, upset, going crazy, be sad, happy, depressed, feel indifferent...and still I will no longer pick up..for I have learned to feel them and then..send them down the river... by either literally write them on a piece of paper and chuck them down the loo and watch them disappear or by coming here and writing them down, or both...

Thank you all for being part of my life. It has become so much richer since all of you have entered it.

I took my Driver Awareness test yesterday and I shall know the results by the end of the week. I am not overly concerned if I have passed or not. I know I have revised and therefore have given it my best. I was finished in 20 minutes and the time allocated was 1 hour.

If I pass, I will get my badge and can start driving disabled children to and from school, God willing.

If I haven't passed, I will re-sit the test and should I fail again,then I believe God is showing me that, maybe I should look for a different job. 🙂 We shall see.

Life is good in Charly's world.

I gave blood Monday and have my hospital appointment this Friday to see how things are on the cancer front and to get some other checks organised, regarding the pain in all my joints. We are now looking at rheumatism. At least they are no longer just blaming the chemo. They are willing to check other things.

Again, what will be will be...

Love and Hugs to all of you

God Bless

Charly/Sabine

Thoughts from Hazelden are:

Our teachers surround us.

When we were young, our parents and siblings served as our teachers, but they weren't always good ones. We may have learned habits that haunt us still. Shame and guilt may still trouble us because of the messages our parents and siblings gave us. We can't undo the past teachings, but we can come to believe those teachers did their best. They passed on to us what they had been taught. Fortunately, the Twelve Step program can help us discard behaviors that serve us no more and cultivate ones that do.

We're students of life and we'll encounter many teachers. From some, we will learn patience; from others, tolerance and acceptance. A few will make us laugh. All will change us in some way. We may be apt to pass judgment on the interactions we have with others, but those with more wisdom than ourselves remind us that we can learn. In fact, we are privileged to learn something of value in absolutely every interaction. Our teachers are all around us.

I will accept that every person is my teacher today. I may be in for many surprising lessons!

You are reading from the book:

A Life of My Own by Karen Casey

Say when it's time to do that difficult thing.

Sometimes, true windows of opportunity open in our lives. We get a chance to make that amend. The perfect time to end or resolve that relationship arises. It's like a gift from God when that window opens up. All we need to do is gently step through. But sometimes, we need to help God open the window - especially when we're working up the courage to do a difficult thing.

Maybe we're waiting for just the right moment to end a relationship. Maybe we're looking for an opportunity to make an amend, tell someone we're sorry about something we've done that's caused that person pain. Maybe we have a new project we'd like to begin. Sometimes, we can passively wait, and wait, and that window just seems painted shut and stuck.

Ask God to help open the window, but do your part, too. Make a decision that you're going to do it - whatever it is. Then let go, but not too long. Remember your decision. Remember your commitment to opening that window. Don't force it, but focus your attention. You may begin to feel the slightest *** in the energy, that opening you need. Or you may have to wiggle the window frame, push on it just the slightest bit, to *** it open yourself. Then you'll see it. You'll feel it move. There. It's open.

Help God open that window in your life by deciding to do it.

God, help me remember that the time doesn't always feel right. Help me honor my deepest urges to do what I must to take care of myself.

You are reading from the book:

More Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie

Nothing is more difficult than competing with a myth.

--Francoise Giroud

Sometimes we think we need to try and be something we're not. Maybe we feel pressure from friends to behave or dress like someone else.

All we need to do is remember when we were younger and dressed in our parents' clothes and shoes. We pretended to be grownups, and it was fun for a while. Then the huge shoes on our feet grew clumsy and uncomfortable and the mountain of rolled-up sleeves kept falling down and getting in the way. Soon we grew tired of the game and stopped pretending.

Today when we start feeling the pressure to be someone else, let's remember how hard it is to play a role that doesn't fit us.

You are reading from the book:

Today's Gift by Anonymous

I woulld love to come for a walk with you, thanks for the invite. I'm in the Midlands so bit of a trek lol.....my little dogs would be knackered.

Good luck Charly with your job. I reckon you will sail through (or should that be drive through) and if not then it's not meant to be.

Much Love...Jas xx

Hi diary

I was planning on having a really lazy day today, but I hve just spotted my ironing and I don't think I can ignore the huge pile much longer, lol.

Ah well...a woman's work is never done, so they say....(but I have learned to ignore it sometimes..lol)

This weekend we will be busy in the garden. We need to clear some space behind the garage for we are having a new shed delivered soon. It's a promise I made and I am finally able to honour that promise. My angel has always wanted a metal turning laithe and when I had my medical pay-out I promised to buy him one.

Of course angel being angel, is planning everything to the last little detail.

Ha..little?!...the shed apparently is a must , as it will need to be insulated properly to keep the laithe dry and the temperature as even as possible. Good God, it's a tool and it is getting better treatment then...... the budgie next door...

You know what..all of the above is fine. It makes my man a happy man and that is fine wih me.... I may be a laithe widow soon, but it's nice to see my man happy again... it was so very different when I was gambling. He often looked so miserable and it was all my fault.

I am glad those times are over and I pray that they never return.

One day at a time I will do my best to keep it this way.

I wish you all a happy day in recovery.

God Bless

Charly/Sabine

Hi Charley

Thanks for posting on my diary and for your words of wisdom. I'm at the start of this journey and it helps when those who have struggled take the time to help others. I read the start of your diary and it rang so may bells for me - going to bingo started me off. My brother took me, funnily enough he also taught me to smoke - did manage to give that one up! Its only since I started playing on line that I felt I has a problem, now I realise I've been addicted for a long time and its just got much worse. But you're right dont start a fight you cant win. Thanks again. Carmelly

Hi Charly,

After the support you've given me, I thought I owed it to you to read your diary from the start. I only got a few pages in and couldn't continue as yours is one of the most powerful and heartbreaking things I've ever read. I truly do not know how you've coped with some of the devastating events in your life. Then I refer back to the sound advice you are giving myself and others and I am just amazed at how strong you are. You give me inspiration to turn my life around. You make me realise that I really can beat this.

Thank you.

Hi Charly,

Isn't it a nice feeling when we make our partners happy? When you posted about your angel being miserable when you were gambling it made me think of how I used to be with P. We have to keep reminding ourselves of how lucky we are to have had the strength to recover from this and to be able to allow them to smile again.

Now for this shed.....you do realise he will be in there all the time...don't make it too comfy lol. They have a tendency to make sheds into dens!

Much Love...Jas x

Hi Charley

Thanks for the post on my diary .

I see by your post you are really happy now.I dont suppose you will see much of your fella once that shed comes,but like you said if he is happy then you are happy.Keep up the positive posts Jeff.