[Closed] Charly's life

Hi Diary

Thank you Freda and Jeff for your kind messages.

Yes I have faith, but I don't have a crystal ball, lol. I don't know what God has in store for me or anyone else. I can only trust in His wisdom to hand out things I can handle and deal with. I am very grateful for the positive results for my son and can only assume God send this threat to test me. Hopefully I have passed. And if I haven't this time then at some point I surely will, 🙂

It is bizzarre..not so long ago I tried so hard to have faith and believe in God but at the same time I questioned everything...why did I get cancer, why has my Dad got cancer, why did this person die and why is that person suffering...life is so unfair, if there was a GOd, he wouldn't let this or that happen....

I don't question any of it any longer... I just accept it and then deal with it...there lies the difference. I tried to have control over everything, me, my life, everyone elses lives....

It is so peaceful now. I don't question or try to argue or force my will on others...

There is a simple explanation of the first three steps of the G.A./A.A. recovery programme

1- I can't do it 2 - Someone else can 3 - Let them

Handing over that control is difficult to do and I still don't always get it right and sometimes still try and do it my way.

Most of the time though, I accept my own limitations.

I hope this makes sense to anyone other than me.

Sending love and hugs and smiles o all of you who read this.

God Bless

Charly/Sabine xx

Today's thought from Hazelden is:

Unless our desire for human compassion is stronger than our desire to be right, to be secure or to belong, love will elude us.

--Marsha Sinetar

Knowing we are loved is what most of us crave. For brief moments we feel it; then it eludes us once again. Why does it slip through our fingers so quickly? One way of attracting the love we desire is to be willing to love others. What we give to others comes back to us. Unfortunately, we may give judgment, impatience, or anger far more often than we give love.

We can learn to give compassion. First we need to make the decision to be compassionate. Then we need to act as if we're comfortable doing this. When we have practiced it a while, we'll discover that giving love and receiving the love we crave is within our ***.

I will feel loved when I give love away. I don't need to be right today. I need to be loved.

You are reading from the book:

A Woman's Spirit by Karen Casey

Hi Charly.. thanks for your thoughts. Please do keep reminding me not to over-analyse and to try and chill more. Though sometimes I find that when i am chilled out I want to write more. I find that once my thoughts start to travel they tend to go all the way to Pluto and beyond.. can't stop them. Anyway am off to chill.. Ive taken a note of your email, thanks.. S.A

charly. . Good to see you doing so well and helping others on the diaries. . You posted about the kids running round the garden or house in search of eggs. . That reminded me a few years ago i done the same to my step kid and it was great fun just seeing her face light up finding them after all the clues. . Im also pleased to report that the angel with the brolly is still bashing away at the evil demons (not far off 4 months now). . Anyways al post when it does get t 4 months as dont want to get compacent. . Best wishes and happy easter. . wp

Hi Diary

Thanks wp for your post. At least I now know again who the person was who told me about the brolly bashing angel, lol.

Have started training for the Race for Life. Have registered with my Neighbours and we'll be walking rather than running on the 11th July. Me and my angel went out yesterday to practise and I managed to walk 4 miles(6.44 kilometers)I was very happy about that, even more so when I found out the Race for life is 5 km and not 5 miles. I'm in a bit of agony today but it's worth it when I can raise money for a charity like that.

Even with all that is ahppening in my life at the moment, I am grateful for what I have. Someone sent me the following in an e-mail yesterday and it sums up how I look at life these days.

Happy Recovery

God Bless

Charly/Sabine

I AM THANKFUL: FOR THE WIFE

WHO SAYS IT'S HOT DOGS TONIGHT,

BECAUSE SHE IS HOME WITH ME,

AND NOT OUT WITH SOMEONE ELSE.

FOR THE HUSBAND

WHO IS ON THE SOFA

BEING A COUCH POTATO,

BECAUSE HE IS HOME WITH ME

AND NOT OUT AT THE BARS.

FOR THE TEENAGER

WHO IS COMPLAINING ABOUT DOING DISHES

BECAUSE IT MEANS SHE IS AT HOME, NOT ON THE STREETS.

FOR THE TAXES I PAY

BECAUSE IT MEANS I AM EMPLOYED .

FOR THE MESS TO CLEAN AFTER A PARTY

BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE BEEN SURROUNDED BY FRIENDS.

FOR THE CLOTHES THAT FIT A LITTLE TOO SNUG

BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE ENOUGH TO EAT.

FOR MY SHADOW THAT WATCHES ME WORK

BECAUSE IT MEANS I AM OUT IN THE SUNSHINE

FOR A LAWN THAT NEEDS MOWING,

WINDOWS THAT NEED CLEANING,

AND GUTTERS THAT NEED FIXING

BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE A HOME .

FOR ALL THE COMPLAINING

I HEAR ABOUT THE GOVERNMENT

BECAUSE IT MEANS WE HAVE FREEDOM OF SPEECH.

FOR THE PARKING SPOT

I FIND AT THE FAR END OF THE PARKING LOT

BECAUSE IT MEANS I AM CAPABLE OF WALKING

AND I HAVE BEEN BLESSED WITH TRANSPORTATION .

FOR MY HUGE HEATING BILL

BECAUSE IT MEANS I AM WARM.

FOR THE LADY BEHIND ME IN CHURCH WHO SINGS OFF KEY BECAUSE IT MEANS

I CAN HEAR.

FOR THE PILE OF LAUNDRY AND IRONING

BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE CLOTHES TO WEAR.

FOR WEARINESS AND ACHING MUSCLES AT THE END OF THE DAY

BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE BEEN CAPABLE OF WORKING HARD.

FOR THE ALARM THAT GOES OFF

IN THE EARLY MORNING HOURS

BECAUSE IT MEANS I AM ALIVE.

AND FINALLY, FOR TOO MANY E-MAILS

BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE FRIENDS WHO ARE THINKING OF ME.

I really like that latest post charly, thanks 🙂

Today's thought from Hazelden is:

Ask and it shall be given to you. Seek and ye shall find. Knock and the door shall be opened. For everyone who asks receives, and he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks, it shall be opened.

-- Matthew 7:7 8

Throughout spiritual traditions, human beings are depicted as the children of a loving Creator who has offered us a kingdom. Repeatedly we hear that abundance, joy, and prosperity are at hand right now. Yet, though the harvest is here, "the laborers are few." Why is this so?

In spiritual life there exists a law called the law of demand and supply. Before substance can manifest itself, a need must be expressed. For example, if I desire to buy a home, this "demand" creates a force of attraction that will draw my home to me. The request comes first, the demonstration, second. If you do not ask, you will not receive.

Many factors limit what we are willing to ask for. We tell ourselves, "I don't deserve it; I'm not good enough." "How can I succeed when others have failed before me?" "Why should I have when others do not?"

In order to harvest the fields of plenty, we must plow up and discard these weeds of unworthiness, doubt, and guilt. Such self-imposed beliefs block the good that is our rightful gift. Affirm your own worthiness to partake of life's bountiful harvest. Then go forth to claim your Divine inheritance.

You are reading from the book:

Listening to Your Inner Voice by Douglas Bloch

Charley

That was excellent.You should call it every cloud has a silver linning.I am going to look at things that way from now on .All the best Jeff.

Thank you for sharing that.

Graham x

Thank you Freda, Jeff and Graham.

I will pop back later and write a bit more. Am taking my boy(of 22) to the hospital today for some respiratory tests. Hopefuly we will know soon what the shadows on his lungs are.(As the blood came back fine last Thursday I am positive it is not lung cancer)

Keep positive everyone,even when things seem bad, they usually aren't.

God Bless

Charly/Sabine

Here is today's thought form Hazelden:

People who make the biggest mistakes are often the holiest.

--Mary Kassan

We've heard it said that it takes a brave person to make a mistake and keep trying. We used to get down on ourselves too much for messing up. We are learning to accept our humanness. It's not such a big deal to be imperfect.

We learn the value of mistakes when we really start to listen to other people. When we sit around and share with others, we find ourselves admiring those people who can admit when they have problems and make mistakes. They really do seem brave to us. They don't seem weak at all. If we keep listening to people being very human, we gradually start to see the light.

Today let me see that it's okay not to have all the answers.

You are reading from the book:

Our Best Days by Nancy Hull-Mast

Sometimes the word "thank you" just doesn't seem enough for all you do for everyone on here......me included.

Here is a very sincere thank you from me and my family.

Much Love my friend....Jas xx

ohohoho...Jasmine my friend..thank you is more than enough.

As long as my ramblings on here help someone I am doing my recovery. xx

Dear Diary.

Went to the hospital with my boy yesterday and we had a chat with the consultant. What a revelation. Turns out that way way back when my boy was ickle(about 4 years old) and the doctors in Germany wanted to take part of his lung out because it kept collapsing, they should have explained a bit more to me.

My lad's right lung has not developed properly since then. The bit they were talking about, had permanently collapsed becasue the blood vessel that was meant to fill that lobe with blood, wasn't attached. He now has a quarter smaller right lung than left lung, which would cause confusion with the medics as the normal lung would have the right side bigger than the left side.

Oh what a relief. Although I am crossed that it took almost 18 years for this to be found and crossed with his old GP for not writing any of his old history in his notes, I am over the moon with happiness that it is not cancer and that he can quite happily live with this, without having to have any major treatment or operation.

The doc wants my boy to still go ahead with the ct scan on Thursday to confirm the findings thus far. :):):) Oh Happy Days. Thank you Higher Power for giving me stength.

My turn today - am off the hospital for my scan and will get the results on Friday. I am not worries. What will be will be -one day at a time.

In my view - Serenity is the ability to see good in everything that happens in life, even the so called "bad" bits. I need to feel bad things to be able to appreciate the good things in life more.

God Bless

Charly/Sabine xx

Today's thought from Hazelden is:

Recognizing Choices

We have choices, more choices than we let ourselves see.

We may feel trapped in our relationships, our jobs, our life. We may feel locked into behaviors such as caretaking or controlling.

Feeling trapped is a symptom of codependency. When we hear ourselves say, I have to take care of this person . . . I have to say yes . . . I have to try to control that person . . . I have to behave this way, think this way, feel this way . . . we can know we are choosing not to see choices.

That sense of being trapped is an illusion. We are not controlled by circumstances, our past, the expectations of others, or our unhealthy expectations for ourselves. We can choose what feels right for us, without guilt. We have options.

Recovery is not about behaving perfectly or according to anyone else's rules. More than anything else, recovery is about knowing we have choices and giving ourselves the freedom to choose.

Today, I will open my thinking and myself to the choices available to me. I will make choices that are good for me.

You are reading from the book:

The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie

Hi Charly

Thanks for popping by on my diary, your right with your post i thought i was ready to leave, but have found myself drawn back again. I am working on being that better person, honest, genuine and caring, i adore my sons but this sounds really dim, i have kinda lost my identity and who i realy am! Gambling just sucks all the life out of you and makes you like a zombie, now ive stopped for some time im realising what i have to do!!! Have restarted my counselling and have had 3 sessions so far, find it less painful than last time and have 5 sessions left, its going very well!

Love reading your posts and your last post was a good read, choices your right, they can make or break us, bit more to it than that tho, as we know...thankyou again for your support. ands

(((Charly/Sabine))))

I am so hapy for you and your boy, I am thinking of you today and will be for friday.

I have had a bad time, see diary. I did ot make the right choices I am trying to get my focus back but right now too ashamed to do much posting.

Take care

love

Wxx